Greys III - Revelations

Chapter 12 - Hate & Hurt

We spent about an hour in the warehouse, searching for anything useful; weapons to bring back to the Vault for study, information on how many Skia there were, if they were organized, if others would be coming, who was making the offer and gaining them their powers. But also, we cleaned off and found suitable clothes as everything we had walked in wearing was unsalvageable. I missed my gear, and though Kael and Nevaeh had theirs in their bags, they didn't wear them, thinking it would draw too much attention. Not that any of us were particularly inconspicuous anyway.

When we left, James pulled Kael aside and turned him around to face the warehouse again. With his signature, nightmarish smirk he closed his eyes and inclined his head toward the building we had just left. He looked like he was praying, but a moment later fire sprung up, swiftly spreading from the front doors back into the deeper rooms until the entire monstrous warehouse was burning from within.

James opened his eyes and sagged a little from the amount of energy he had expended, but then he smiled at his friend. And though Kael didn't look at his brother, his attention transfixed on the flames now billowing out from the windows, he reached his arm around James' back, patting his shoulder as he watched, the fire reflecting in his black eyes.

We watched the building burn until we heard sirens screaming. It would certainly be a unique scene once authorities arrived. But we would be halfway to the Vault before the full story hit the news. As we left, I looked to Kael and saw a small smile still on his face as he surely remembered how much he used to enjoy burning buildings just like this one, long before James and the Clan. I wondered if he was feeling the same peace I had when we killed the Skia. The balance between my desires and finding an outlet for them, a way to act on my nature without the guilt, without the darkness. Feeling like I was finally on the path I wanted to be walking. Like I could be what I was, but also who I wanted to be. I wondered if he was thinking of how different he was now, as he stood before a situation so similar to the ones from his past.

I nudged him as we walked in the direction we would be able to find a busier road, one we could hail a cab from.

"We still friends, Spike?"

I craned my neck to look up at him as we fell into step, letting out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

"I never hated you, I never even stopped thinking about you, or stopped thinking of you as my friend. I felt terrible for abandoning you. It was just- I had a lot to process and the one thing I did know was that I would stay with Nevaeh, so that's the one thing I acted on. It wasn't your fault, you didn't know what you were, are, and you never lied to me. I don't want you to think I left because I hated you. I was hurt, shocked, and confused, and angry. I hated what you were. I just didn't know how to reconcile loving who you were while hating what you were. The only one I ever really hated was James, at least for a little while, or something like hate. I think I was hurt by him and I thought hate and hurt were the same thing, they felt the same at least. But I never hated you. Never even considered it."

I could almost hear Abby saying that exact same sentiment just weeks earlier. Apparently, everyone else had learned that lesson before me.

"You're the second person to tell me that hate and hurt are different. I wish I had figured that out months ago."

» ✦ «

By late afternoon we were sitting on the train that would take us back to our city, my city, to Chi, and the Vault slightly beyond it. I passed the time talking with Kael, telling him about the Vault, my classes, my tutors. He seemed especially excited to meet Katz, but I had already expected that. Him around Prey and Parish gave me a headache just thinking of it. I told Kael about Chi and her Clan too, and eventually, I told him Syn's story. I could see Nevaeh listening out of the corner of my eye, though she pretended not to, filing her nails nonchalantly to dagger-like points.