Greys III - Revelations

Chapter 21 - I Spy

The car continued silently down the road, my mind swirling with emotions as I sat still, trying to look blank, trying to hide everything I was feeling and avoid looking at James, or Malachi, or anyone.

The same hatred I always felt when someone dared to harm my Pair was bubbling up from somewhere in my stomach. A deep sadness pushed down from my chest at seeing what Malachi and James had been, how they had been treated. And something similar to shame crept in from the sides for how my Pair had acted, how he had thrown Malachi's small kindness back in his face. The mixture made me feel sick to my stomach. But instead of showing any of my feelings, I calmly looked out the window, focusing on my breathing, on keeping it even, counting my breaths until I had a handle on my emotions. Two counts in, two out, counting to four over and over.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, trying to look relaxed. But really I was preparing, thinking back to my training sessions with Katz, trying to focus on just one mind without looking, without knowing it intimately like I did with the Clan's, to lightly touch it without alerting even a trained mind that it was being invaded. I narrowed in on Malachi, wondering if he would notice, but no resistance met my gentle prods.

Why, hello there.

My eyes shot open as I jolted forward in my seat. He had known I was there. Felt me there. I played off my movement as a hypnic jerk and settled back into my comfortable position, carefully avoiding looking back at Malachi. I tried again, figuring it was too late to pretend now. I opened my Gift and focused on his mind. I knew I couldn't reply, or he wouldn't be able to know my reply, but I could still get information out of his mind whether he knew I was there or not.

Back again? Not the consent-wary type, I see.

I ignored him, working my way back, not his current conscience, but into his thoughts, his memories.

What are you looking for? What would you like to see? Maybe James and I 'playing' as children. Or the night he tried to take his own miserable life. Or how about the night after he left - would you like to see how his father retaliated against me? It was a long night, a long many nights. His father was in a rage, and not just with me, at everyone James left behind. Mmh, my home was drenched in blood for days, but then again, so was I. My master has a temper and I'll admit, some memories might be hard to stomach, but you seem like you can handle it. I mean, you love my brother, a monster, so your moral lines must be bent at best. In fact, I bet nearly half of my scars are from him, I could show you sometime if you like...

I relaxed my jaw as I realized it was clenched from trying to block out the memories he was offering up, swatting them away as I looked for anything useful.

Ah, I hit a nerve, did I? Is it because of the love part or the monster part? We both know both are true. But then, I wonder why you don't like me more? After all, I'm just a purer version of my big brother- ah ah ah, not there, that's just for me. Don't make me put up a block, not when this is so much fun. I've been terribly bored back here all alone. Come on, play with me a little, you already have me all tied up...

I rolled my eyes behind my eyelids. I had been close to something, a recent memory, instructions from the Collector. I knew it was important, but I couldn't grab it, couldn't see it before Malachi had snatched it away. I opened one eye in annoyance and glared at him in the mirror before I could help it. Then his mind went blank, or more accurately, black, like a well plunging into the earth, nothing but echoes surrounding me.

Did you really think I couldn't block you if I wanted? How weak do you think I am? How arrogant you are. I've been trained every minute of every hour of every day for decades. I can do anything, everything. You are a blade of grass against me. And I'm only a fraction of my owner. That's why your attempts to save yourselves, or anyone, are wasted. Pathetic. Even James, who I used to think was as good as a god can't hold his ground against me anymore. He's grown soft. And you've always been soft, clearly. Now, leave my mind if you aren't willing to be my lurid distraction. You bore me.