Greys III - Revelations

Chapter 15 - So Far

Eventually, I let my mind wander beyond the prophecy, staring out the window, watching the world blur by, wishing I could be a smaller part of it. Someone like James holding our fates made sense, he was strong, prepared, created for this. I had basically been Human for all argument's sake just a few months ago, and I had been failing at even that. And though I had power, though I didn't doubt my resolve against the Collector, I didn't feel in any way the hero of my own story. I knew the prophecy, but I still didn't know my next steps, my path. I still knew nothing.

I tried to move my thoughts to something more productive, but each memory my mind jumped to brought with it more guilt, more pain, until I simply skipped from thought to thought, unable to stay too long on any threshold. I thought of what I would say to Chi, how I would convince her to join me at the Vault, beg on my knees for forgiveness if I had to. But then I only saw Syn's eyes, his open throat, my hands in his blood on the floor. I fled further back, thinking of my city, but then I only saw the targets I had killed under Jevin, his teeth flashing as they sunk into me, the fogged nothingness when I was under his drug or his cold skin when I was under his covers.

The memories of my withdrawals still made me cringe and hold my breath against the pain I thought might find me at any moment. Which then brought my mind back to Chi and Syn, when I had begged my silent guard to kill me. The memories of Juda and what he had done to Syn as a child. Then remembering him in the cemetery, the things he had said, the threats he had made, the terror in my Pair's eyes, the desperation to not be returned to his father. If James feared the Collector like that, then shouldn't it be answer enough that we were doomed?

No. He had been afraid because his father had spent years breaking him, grooming him, stripping him of hope. He had been afraid because he had thought we would hate him, abandon him, and he would be alone again with his father. But he wasn't alone now, he never would be again, he had his family, he had me. And though I knew that would give him new fears of having something worth losing, it also gave him something worth fighting for.

I felt his eyes on me a moment later, a dark feather, warmed by his fire and our connection gliding across my skin. I closed my eyes to savor the feeling before finding his. He raised an eyebrow, smirking at my reaction and I rolled my eyes. I knew Nevaeh was watching, she had somehow not missed a single time James and I communicated. Even if it was simply a look, a feeling, she always caught it. Her perceptiveness, or maybe intuition, had grown considerably in our time apart.

She flicked her eyes to the door when I caught her look, and I gave a small smile in acknowledgment, appreciating her silent suggestion.

"I'm going to stretch my legs, check the train."

James was on his feet before I finished, already walking to the sliding doors.

"I'll join, better in pairs."

Ailech chuckled.

"Yeah, smart to use the buddy system on this extremely dangerous railcar chock full of enemies. You know there isn't a 'mile high' equivalent for trains, yeah? That's just trashy."

My look of warning was lost on Ailech as James looked momentarily confused, then uncomfortable, though he covered it so quickly I wondered if only I could catch it, knowing his tells so well. Ailech's humor never seemed to quite land with James, crude humor had always been something he didn't appreciate, just like any and all physical touch that wasn't violent. I pushed away the heavy feeling of why that was. Pitying his past or falling into sadness from what he had been through would do nothing for him now.