Lexi's Love & War

Chapter 20

It had been a full week since classes resumed after Thanksgiving. This meant that students were focused on their studies and assignments once again. Most were doing just that, but not all of them. Surprisingly, Cassie was one of a select few who couldn't stay focused on school. Unsurprisingly, however, the reason was that she was too preoccupied thinking about Isaac yet again.

I just don't know what else to do to change his mind! Cassie thought as she laid on her bed one Thursday afternoon. She'd just returned from class, but couldn't recall what the lecture had been about because her mind had been focused solely on Isaac. To call her current situation frustrating would've been an understatement.

"This is ridiculous," she muttered as she kicked her purse off to the side.

Cassie sighed. She was glad that Mariana had class until the early evening— she loved her best friend dearly, but all she wanted right now was to be alone. Isaac consumed her thoughts so much that it was borderline sickening anymore. But those thoughts weren't just about getting him back— she had also thought about their last encounter long and hard and had realized how horrible she'd been to him.

Why did I act like such a bitch to him? He doesn't deserve any of it.

This made Cassie wince. She hadn't forgotten about how she'd snapped at him back at the Halloween party. She had no regrets snapping at Lexi— after all, she was the reason that Isaac broke up with her in the first place. But losing her temper at Isaac had cost her dearly; he hadn't said a word to her since. She'd only reacted negatively because she hadn't expected him to kiss Lexi in front of everyone. Her emotions had gotten the better of her that night, and she had snapped as a result.

Acting on a whim, Cassie sat up and grabbed her phone from her purse. She decided to text Isaac for the hundredth or thousandth time— she couldn't recall how many texts she'd sent his way since their break-up— to apologize for acting out at the Halloween party.

Cassie: Hey, I'm sorry for snapping at you back at the Halloween party. I overreacted from seeing you kiss Lexi. I didn't expect it! I'm also sorry for all the times I snapped at you since we broke up. Please forgive me.

He probably won't even respond, but at least I threw it out there, Cassie thought. She didn't expect him to even read it, let alone reply. But to her surprise, he did exactly that just a few minutes later.

Isaac: Gee, thanks. What the hell took you so long? It's been a month since it even happened! Did you seriously think you needed to wait a month before apologizing to me?

The response had Cassie chewing on her lower lip. He wasn't wrong— she'd taken far too long to apologize for her most recent outburst. She regretted not saying anything sooner now more than ever. She steadied herself before typing out an explanation.

Cassie: I know you're angry at me. But please know that I was only trying to give you time to calm down after everything happened. You needed that and I understand. I also needed time to think things through. That's why I didn't apologize sooner.

Isaac: Do you even mean what you're saying? I can't tell if you're saying sorry because you actually mean it, or because you still want me back after all this time. I don't believe anything that you say to me.

Crap, Cassie thought. She exhaled loudly and raked one hand through her medium-length brown locks. She continued their tense conversation despite every fiber of her being objecting to the very idea.

Cassie: I'm apologizing because I truly mean it. I know it's hard to sound sincere when texting. But please, please believe that I mean every word I'm saying.

Isaac: Sure, let's go with that.

Cassie: You don't believe me, do you?

Isaac: Nope.

Oh, fucking come ON, Cassie thought with newfound exasperation.

Cassie: Isaac, I just want you to be happy. Can you at least believe that?

Isaac: Again...nope.

Cassie: Are you serious???

Isaac: What do you think?

Cassie: Why?!

Isaac: Everything you've done since we broke up has contradicted what you're saying right now. You've also apologized previously for your past bullshit, only to do the same fucking thing so many times. I don't trust you, Cassie. I can't trust that you'll stay in line and not freak out at me or Lexi again.

Cassie: I'm only upset because you refuse to accept my apologies. If you did, we wouldn't be fighting like we are now.

Isaac: Maybe that's true. But I'm still not gonna forgive you for all the shit you've pulled. Please leave me alone.

After reading Isaac's last text, Cassie placed her phone on her nightstand and sighed yet again. She sat up and rested her head in her hands while trying to take deep breaths. The result of their conversation had left her wishing that she hadn't texted him in the first place, but the damage had now been done. It was too late to take any of it back.

I can't believe he refuses to fix things, she thought. I know things are shitty, but we can fix this! I know we can...

Cassie trailed off with no concluding thought in sight. She didn't leave her bed for several minutes, only getting up when she heard Mariana enter their apartment.

"Oh, you're home early," Cassie remarked.

"Class let out early, thank God," Mariana revealed. "Are you alright? No offense, but you look exhausted as hell."

Cassie scoffed as the best friends sat down in the living room. "I was texting Isaac just now, and it wasn't great."

"It sounds like it didn't go well?"

"Not at all. I apologized again for snapping at him, but he didn't think I was serious. He accused me of only apologizing just to win him back, and he flat out refused to believe otherwise. It's like he refuses to change his mind because of the past! It just sucks 'cause I'm trying hard to fix this shit between us, but he's simply not having it."

Mariana took a seat beside her best friend and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry, Cassie. I wish I could help."

"It's fine," Cassie insisted. She took a moment to take a deep breath to keep herself from bursting into tears. "I'm just upset that it hasn't worked out for me."

"I know. Look, I really think that you need to keep your distance from Isaac for as long as you can. You need a serious break from him, and you know it."

"Yeah, you're right. I need to focus on school more than him. I'm not giving up on him, though— I'm still determined to fix this fucking mess. But yeah, I need to leave him alone for a while."

Mariana smiled. "I'm happy to hear you say that."

Here's hoping that doing so will actually do some good for me, Cassie thought.