Alice of Human Sacrifice || ✔

~Chapter Six, Two: Her Memories; Nightmares~

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August 2X, 18XX.
9:47 PM.

Good evening Diary, this is Alice.

How are you? I hope you don't mind my writing to you. I was supposed to write yesterday, but I was so exhausted running around to help everybody in the mansion. And not to mention I had accompanied the young master to London today, so I had busied myself in packing up last night. Anyways, this entry will be about my first day in the Phantomhive townhouse.

Right now, I am in my room within the townhouse, writing this, since I had done my chores for today. It's also the second day since I worked for the young earl.

On my first day, I met the others in the Phantomhive mansion: Maylene the maid, Baldroy the chef, Finnian the gardener, and Tanaka the housekeeper. Sebastian is the head butler, but it seemed like he was the housekeeper since everyone reports to him. They were a strange group, but they are really friendly and nice and wonderful. I find myself warming up to them fast. It has been a while since I had friends, a while since I was in a merry group, a while since I had fun.

And today, we found one the supposed 'victims' of the serial murder. I fear I have crossed a line because I slapped Miss Blankenheim. No one is supposed to talk to my master like that. I'd hurt her too if she was talking about Mr. Lucerna badly. Master Ciel and Sebastian made her talk though, while I stayed at the corner of the room, looking out of place.

But... my actions weren't entirely mine. My body moved on its own.

I won't think of why that happened, and I wouldn't like to think on how that happened.

My wardrobe also had somehow conjured up a new dress. It's from the young master. He had a letter to it too, saying he understands how I feel and that he's thankful, and that it'll be his birthday present for me. A little early, but a gift nonetheless. I'll insert the letter between the pages later.

This was not the real reason why I am writing this. Actually, it has something to do with my memories. They have been coming back to me again in the form of dreams. Terrible dreams.

Nightmares.

Every now and then, I get those nightmares. They're actually worse than they usually were.

Every now and then, those would occupy my mind, preventing me from doing my job efficiently. Even when I was in the good man's, Mr. Lucerna's, household, it happens.

Every now and then, everybody asks me if I'm okay; even the young master Ciel is asking too. I was out of it when I was giving him his snacks earlier, which led him to ask me his concerns.

And every now and then, I always say I'm okay, even though I'm not.

Because I would remember what had happened.

My family was attacked for something I don't even know.

But I saw red eyes again.

This is what threw me off the boat of concentration I was sailing in.

Along with memories came knowledge and wisdom. And anger. And sadness. And grief. And longing.

But I find myself more consumed into my anger that it causes worry to everyone when I suddenly glare at nothing. Even on my first day, they were really nice.

I want to go back when I knew almost nothing of my memories. That way, I can still be carefree. But now that I knew of what I am, I should always be careful of the red eyes.

I should always be careful so as not to involve my friends.

What should I do? I am friends with everybody here. What if...

What if... it was what really killed Mr. Lucerna...? And then it would attack everybody I'm close to...?

I'm never going to live the same way again if it did. I hope it would never come to that...

I don't want them, innocent people, hurt, because of my involvement with the red eyes.

I don't want them to hate me for bringing it to them.

Oh, it is late. Time to go to sleep.

I will write to you tomorrow, if ever I have the need to write. This is a secret between us, okay Diary?

I pray not to get those nightmares.

Anything but those, please. I've had enough for two years.

Good night.

Signed,
Alice.

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