Wanderlust (mxm)

Chapter Thirty

Acell had drawn his sword. It was more of an instinctual reaction than an actual threat, and when he saw who was standing further down the pier, he froze. Tanden waved a hand at him.

"Put it away, I'd never ask you to attack Lord West Draulin on my behalf."

"You can go. I'll try to hold them back."

Tanden smiled at him, touched by his loyalty. "No, I'll hear them out. They're my brothers. They'll understand." He wished he believed that. "Get Soren into the boat."

Acell hesitated for a moment, but he listened. Tanden crossed his arms and waited for his brothers to get closer. They were alone, save for Roland following a few steps behind. There were no guards. Still, Tanden felt his resolve waver as they stepped up in front of him. Usually, he could read their expressions easily enough, but there was so much going on.

There was one question that seemed easy enough to ask. "How did you know?"

"Roland saw Atricell and Vosh together, and rightly assumed you were up to something," Tandrael replied. He was still dressed in all his finery, and he looked more exhausted than Tanden had ever seen him. Behind him, Roland also looked tired, like he'd been running around the port since the fire started.

Tandar's tunic and skin were dark with soot. He must have tried to stop the fire on the Hiraeth. Tanden met his gaze quickly, nervously, and then dropped it just as quickly.

"Did you manage to find—"

"No," Tandar interrupted. "We obviously couldn't stop the fire, so I couldn't exactly look for the man you murdered."

Tanden winced. "You would have done the same, for Brilana." He looked at Tandrael, desperate for some sort of agreement. "Or for Clairia. Or the children. I love him, as much as you love your wives. It was a volatile reaction, I know. If it was just about me I'd stay, and I'd try to face the consequences. I'm not flighty. But I know how this looks."

"So tell us how it looks," Tandrael said.

"It looks like I had Soren commit treason, and when he failed I finished the job myself," Tanden said. "I killed one of the two men who could prove that it isn't the case, and the other is long gone. So Soren would be arrested, and if he wasn't executed he would die in prison anyway. And me..." he hesitated. "It would be harder, with me. But if you tried to defend me you'd drag our family down, and I can't let that happen."

Tandrael shook his head. "Tanden—"

"No, Rael, listen to me," Tanden said firmly. "If a prominent member of the Tandran family was accused of treason, you know as well as I do how it would look on the family. You could lose the city, if things escalated far enough. Tandar would certainly lose his standing in the king's guard, because how could the king trust him? Let alone the fact that I kissed Soren in plain sight. People will talk, there will be rumours. So it's easier if I leave. Then you can distance yourself from me. Even if the king is angry enough to send people after me, they'll never be able to catch me."

His brothers exchanged a glance, and Tanden could tell his words had gotten through to them. It was Tandar who finally spoke.

"You're talking about exiling yourself, forever, for your Crelan? I'm sorry to doubt you, little brother, but... are you sure he isn't just your latest fascination? What happens if you move on to someone else?"

"I'm not going to." Tanden had never been so certain about something. "He means as much to me as you do. As much as the ladies and the children do. He's part of my family. But I know you'll be fine without me. I can't say the same for Soren."

"But will you be fine without us?" Tandar asked. "Mother and father always told us we had to look out for you."

Tanden nodded. "I know. But you're not failing them by letting me go. I did this," he gestured at the port and the flames. "I'm trying to do what's best, for Soren, and for our family. What's best for the family is if I'm out of the way. Maybe... maybe in a few years, if things have settled down enough, I can come back. Goddess knows I'm not planning on just vanishing. I'll write letters, I'll send you packages."