The Holy Death

Chapter 20

Soon after Elizabeth's contractors arrived, she left them to their tasks. Dawn and Tim left as well, Tim mumbling something about not being sure how Scott was able to handle the insanity of the undead life (something Scott couldn't ever figure out, himself). The contractors worked very diligently, replacing the windows and doors, spackling and painting over walls and other items damaged by swordplay, cleansing the walls of blood (Scott never did like the smell of ammonia, and being a vampire, with his heightened sense of smell, only made it worse), ripping out the old, blood-soaked carpet and replacing it with a new, clean, beige pile carpet (more attractive than the old one, but obviously not green), and rolling the dead ninja (and various amputated body parts) in a plastic throw and removing the deceased from his house ("We cover all our tracks, Mr. Campbell," the lead contractor said, "And no one will ever find the body, not that there will be much of a body once we're done with it. Hey, do you want me to drain the rest of the blood for you? I can put it in a nice decanter with the company logo on it, if you'd like." "Ah, no," Scott replied, "I'm good for now."). They did a very impressive job, considering they had less than five hours in which to accomplish the task. Obviously, these guys had done this sort of quick work before, and did not even question the carnage they had to deal with. Of course, they worked for Elizabeth, so they had to be good at their job. Anyway, by the time they were done, the house looked as good as new, with one major exception.

"Ow," Irene groaned as she stepped out of her door, still wearing her night robe, "I feel like I've got a hangover, not that I would know anything about that, I'll have you know! Still, that must have been one wild party you kids threw last night. Oh, but I had the craziest dream, I dreamt you were battling ninjas! I can't remember anything, but, that's odd, I don't remember drinking anything... oh my. Did someone bring the marijuana? 'Cause marijuana will do that to you, you know. I can't smell it, but I think I smell ammonia? And," Irene stopped in the hall right outside the living room. "What... why... why is the carpet not green?"

"Ta daa!" Scott trumpeted. Irene covered her ears in faux-hangover pain. "Surprise! I got you a new carpet!"

"You did? Why on earth would you do that?"

"A pre-wedding gift! I thought you'd like it! You were always complaining how you hated that old green monstrosity!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Well, anyway, how do you like it?"

"Doug! Doug bought that for me!"

"Doug? No, mom, I told you I did!"

"That Doug is such a sweet young man!"

"He's not that young. And sweet? I dunno."

"So, Doug got me a new carpet, and it's a beautiful carpet!"

"Uh, I got the carpet."

"Where is Doug anyway?"

Damn. Time to think fast. "Uh, Doug took off. He had business out of town."

"Oh, that's too bad. Why didn't he say so last night?"

"It was all of the sudden," Jeremiah said, having come out of the kitchen. "He hadn't time to let you know, Mrs. Campbell."

"Oh. That's odd. What is Jeremiah doing here?"

"He stayed over last night, don't you remember?" Scott asked.

"Okay, anyway, will Doug be back anytime soon?"

"Not terribly," Jeremiah said, "He seemed to be of the opinion that this task required his utmost attention, and he would let us know when he was through with it."