𝐸𝑉𝐸𝑅𝐺𝑅𝐸𝐸𝑁 𝑀𝐼𝑆𝑇 || 𝐷.𝑀.

thirty eight

The months following the war were the hardest that Juniper and Draco had ever gone through both individually and together as a couple. As funerals for the lives lost were arranged and they attended them all, their mental health diminished little by little for the both of them and regaining it was rough.
There were many sleepless nights for the both of them, those sleepless nights nearly always filled with silence or one of them, usually both, crying without saying a word. There were many nightmares for the both of them as well. Usually the sleepless night was the result of a nightmare, always of the wars and the traumatic battle they miraculously survived. The first sleepless night they had was the night they got home from the battle. They apparated home, both of them so excited to be at the cottage again to clean the battle from their skin and clothes, to eat for the first time in nearly two days, and to sleep for the first time in nearly forty-eight hours.
"A shower has never felt so good in my entire life." Draco said as he laid on the bed, closing his eyes immediately as Juniper laid there staring at the ceiling. As glad as she was to be alive, to be home and with Draco, she felt entirely numb.
"Sleep will feel even better hopefully." Juniper said as she turned off the lamp next to her. They both went to sleep quickly and Juniper woke only an hour after falling asleep, the war haunting her dreams. She got out of their bed quietly and slowly, going over to sit on the window seat at the curved window of their room and watched the world outside of their cottage. The stars were bright in the sky as she sat there for a few hours until Draco woke suddenly, sitting up and looking at her.
"What're you doing awake? What time is it?" He asked her as he looked at the clock next to him. "Juniper, it's ten after four, come back to bed." Draco said, but Juniper stayed where she was.
"It's alright, go back to sleep." She said as she turned her head to face him, but he looked at her and tilted his head, getting up and walking over to her so he was sitting at the window seat with her.
"Are you dreaming of it too?" He asked her. Juniper nodded slowly and looked out the window again.
"I feel numb. Trust me, I'm beyond thrilled that we're alive and well, but Draco...so many people are just dead." Juniper said. "Bee's dead." She looked down at her hands in her lap until Draco's reached for hers.
"I wish I could tell you that you'd feel better soon, but I honestly have no clue how this works. I've spent a lifetime suppressing emotion and now I suddenly don't know how to do it anymore and I feel like part of me is suffocating. I think I'm feeling that way because I know that if I just stayed with Lupin and Tonks I'd be dead too or they could be alive with their baby. I keep thinking that if I stayed with them, that maybe I could've helped save them." Draco told her. "I know you're feeling that way about Blair as well. That if you found her and stayed with her, she might be alive. We blame ourselves for the outcomes of things we can't control and it's natural, but it isn't our fault for any of it." Draco tried to make her see that she wasn't at fault for any of it, but Juniper just nodded her head as she breathed in, crying slightly.
"She was supposed to come here, after the war. We wrote about it together and I keep thinking it over and over in my head." Juniper said as she let herself cry more.
"Tell me the plan." Draco said as he moved Juniper around so she could lean into him. She sighed heavily and nodded, then leaned her head against him and looked out the window, putting his hand in hers so she could play with his fingers.
    "We were going to have one of our typical sleepovers. We'd share the same bed and be shocked that we didn't have to cram into one and cuddle each other for once because all our sleepovers were in the dormitories. We joked about how we'd kick you out of the room and take over for the night, laughing wildly and gossiping in whispers all night until the morning when we wouldn't have slept yet. We said we'd either fall asleep and wait until you woke us up because we knew you'd probably make us breakfast and the other idea was to not even sleep and to just go make coffee and tea and breakfast. She said we could run around the meadow and trees in our dresses and lay in the grass in the flowers and at night we'd watch the stars come out." Juniper giggled as she spoke the plans into existence, then becoming a bit sad as she knew they'd never happen.
    "That's a nice plan." Draco said in her ear as Juniper continued to play with his fingers. "You're definitely right, you both would've slept until noon and I know you like breakfast all the time so I'd definitely have it ready for you both when you would wake up. You two would laugh until your ribs hurt and there'd be a brief moment when Blair and I would team up against you." Draco helped her imagine the plan more clearly now and it strangely made her feel better. Juniper laid down more on the window seat and Draco followed suit, they both they'd on their backs and stared up at the ceiling.
    "It hurts, all the possibilities of what could've been happening if one thing went different." Juniper said.
    After the first sleepless night came many other where they'd lay there on the window seat waiting for the morning to come. Things began to get better nearly nine months after the war ended, they were offered jobs at the Ministry of Magic without the need of graduation from Hogwarts, the service of the war proved great enough of their magic ability is what they assumed.