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("you really loved my son didn't you?"
"Emily and Mitch are asking about you. I think you should take a visit over there." My mom said to me as she sat on my bed. She brushed my hair from my face and continued stroking it, taking my hand in hers.
"I don't know if I can." I said, my voice scratchy from the amount of crying I had been doing over the past two months.
I had so many high expectations on myself. I literally felt the world on my back. I wanted to continue to write and perform Sunset Curve songs with Bobby but I could barely find the strength to get out of beds in the morning. I felt like I was not only failing myself, but Luke, Alex and Reggie as well. I swore to myself that I would carry on the legacy of our band and I couldn't even bring myself to go to the kitchen to eat breakfast.
I wanted to, so terribly, I just couldn't. I couldn't even think about getting on another stage without my three best friends next to me. I couldn't barely find the energy to enter the studio without falling to my knees at the fact that within an hour they were all taken from me.
It hit the news, what happened to the boys but almost as soon as it was news, it wasn't anymore. I felt frustrated at the fact that people gave their condolences and then within days, they no longer cared. I didn't help their case with the fact that I couldn't perform our songs or write new ones for that matter.
They deserved so much more than just a few days of strangers grieving over them. Yes, it was a horrible tragedy and I was lucky to be able to even have the opportunity to keep playing, but without them it didn't seem possible. Life just didn't seem possible. They deserved everything the world had to offer them for the time and effort they had put into this band just for them to be taken from me.
"I think it might be good for you to get out of the house, Jade." My mother said to me, pulling the covers down from my face a bit. "I know it's hard, but I think visiting the Patterson's will be helpful to you both."
"Really?" I asked.
My mom nodded and then leaned down and kissed my head, "The guys wouldn't want you laying in bed like this. They'd expect you to be taking on the world." That's another thing that made this so hard. I know for a fact that they'd all hound me for laying in bed, crying over them like this. Yet, that's all I could do. They didn't deserve this.
My mom got up and left my room and I used every ounce of energy I had to pull myself out of bed and walk to my dresser. I dug around for some clothes and put them on before I grabbed my keys off my nightstand and began my journey to the Patterson's. I hadn't driven anywhere since the guys died. I went to the beach one time to talk to them, (maybe they were listening, maybe they weren't) and it ended up in me screaming, crying and kicking the sand. So, therefore I tend not to drive anywhere anymore. One thing I loved is when I forced Luke to drive me everywhere. He didn't have a car, so he was thrilled everytime he got to drive mine.
