The Fence

Chapter 36: Strength

"Outside?" Donte asks, a skeptical look written all over his face.

"Yeah," I reply, casting a glance in Grey's direction. His arms are crossed, and he leans against the wall. He supports his weight on one leg, the other kicked out. He wears Donte's expression, and his eyes wander around the room.

"I don't know, Bena," Donte murmurs quietly. I sigh, but not yet defeated.

"What's the matter?" I mutter.

"It's where you got shot, that's the matter," Grey growls.

"Grey!" Donte snaps. They stare at each other for a second before Grey rolls his eyes and swallows in defiance.

"I just don't think you're ready for that, Kirbena."

I cross my legs and fold my hands in my lap. I smile a fake smile, looking up at Donte with pleading eyes. "Please, Donte? I need to face it eventually."

"Yeah, but not yet."

"But you'll be with me!" I complain.

Donte's eyes widen a bit. "I will?"

Grey clears his throat uncomfortably. "Well, obviously. You're the only one who can pull her out of her panic attacks."

Panics attacks, not panic attack. In the past couple of days, there have been multiple times where something had reminded me of the gun firing and I completely lost it. Grey tried to calm me a few times, but the only time that actually worked was when he sang to me a few days ago. And that wasn't even a full out panic attack. Other than that time, Donte was called every time.

"T-that's because..." I stutter, my cheeks filling with pink. "He's never hurt me or scared me. He saved my life."

Grey stares at me, and I stare back. Something was on his mind, but I knew I wasn't going to get it out of him by just asking.

"He's like my Neveah," Luci says. I freeze, not hearing him come in. I nod pointedly at this, watching their reactions. Their faces stay the exact same, and I sigh again. "Listen, I'll talk with her and report back to you. I know what it's like to freak out."

"Don't say it like that," Donte mutters. "There's nothing wrong having with panic attacks."

"That's not what he meant," I say. "Can we talk, and then if he thinks I'm okay I can do it?" I don't mentions 'go outside', because Luci obviously does not know about it.

"Maybe," Donte states, sternly. I nod at him, and smile at Grey as they leave. Grey drops his arms to his side crossly, which makes my smile shrink.

"So, how are you?" Luci asks me.

"I wish people would quit asking me that," I pout, biting my bottom lip. "I'm fine. I'm recovering. I having panic attacks. Nothing new."

"Stop it."

I look up at the severity in his voice.

"Don't pretend to have the bravery you really don't have right now," Luci sighs. "I'm asking you serious questions, and I want serious answers."

"Fine," I murmur. "I'm awful. Can you blame me?"

"No. Donte thinks you-"

"What?"

"Nevermind," Luci finishes. "You said you would help me, but now it's my turn. I know what it's like to have LCSD, so I've been through something like you have."

"But I don't have LCSD," I mutter.

"I know that. Every time my LCSD takes over, I can't see or hear anything. Sometimes I can see, but I can never hear. I'm never in control of what I do. I fight to break free from its hold, but I can't once I'm stuck in there. You are experiencing the opposite. Whenever you panic, something reminds you of the gun and it's all you can see."