Pleasurable Expectations

t h i r t y - t w o

"Can I ask y'all a question?" My tone was hesitant as my mom and sister's eyes found me at our lunch table.

Heaven was in Seattle for Adrienne's wedding in a couple days, and Mama thought it a good idea for the three of us to have a girls' day. Heaven was rarely ever on this side of the country, leaving little time for the three of us to hang out like we used to.

It used to be a weekly tradition for Mama to take Heaven and me out on the weekend for a lavish day of pampering: mani-pedis, massages, facials, the works. And, a wedding was the perfect excuse for Mama to treat us to a day out. I'll take a free pampering any day, even if I did just realize that I could afford a whole day and more on my own.

"What's up, love?" Mama asked.

Her eyebrows were pinched together in genuine questioning, but the subtle squint to her eyes and pursed lips suggested she was worried. I wasn't one hundred percent sure about what, but if I had to guess, I would assume she was worried it was a question about Jeremiah.

I sighed and set my fork down on my plate, the cutlery clattering against the porcelain. "Is it normal to feel kind of weird about Adrienne getting married? Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be happier, but..."

When I failed to elaborate, Mama pressed me further by leaning towards me and implored, "But what?"

"I don't know. It feels like everything's about to shift." I shrugged and took a sip of my wine. "Like, Adrienne and Cindy moving miles and miles away, Desiree's about to be hella busy after she finishes clinical, and Hannah's traveling way more to her clients," I continued.

"And what? You feel like Ri's wedding is the start of a bunch of things changing?" Heaven piped in. She had her eyebrows raised at me, her teeth scraping against her fork as she took a bite of her salad.

"Or something," I acknowledged. "And it's almost as if things are changing without me."

Adrienne's engagement brought an awareness that we're entering that phase in our twenties where some of us are getting married, others are moving, and some are advancing in their careers. And, somehow, I feel like I'm staying stagnant in my life. Sure, a promotion and a new man came into my life recently, but that's nothing compared to my friends! I almost feel they're entering this new life stage, and I'm being left behind because I'm not advancing as fast. And when Adrienne and I were reminiscing a couple weeks ago, it only reminded me that—

"Are you spiraling right now?" Heaven asked, her voice splicing through my thoughts.

I snapped my head over to my sister. "Of course not, Venna. I was just asking." I released an unconvincing scoff and added an eye roll for added effect.

But, of course, my sister saw right through me.

"Oh please, Ara." Heaven waved a hand and took a sip of her water. "That bottom lip of yours is about to be chewed straight through," she remarked with a snort.

I grumbled a "Whatever" and took an aggressive sip of my wine.

"I'm not judging, I'm just saying," Heaven continued, her hands raised in surrender. "But, that's pretty normal."

"Yeah?" I grabbed my glass of wine and took a sip.

Heaven shrugged as she said, "Yeah. I remember when all my friends were getting new jobs or engaged and married while I was single and unemployed."

"You still are unemployed," I cut in.

Heaven paused to fix me with a glare before she dismissed, "That's not the point. The point is that everybody moves at their own pace in life, especially in their twenties. You don't need to feel left behind because Adrienne's getting married or 'cause Hannah's clientele is picking up. Your timing is coming, just not yet; you have to wait for your shift in life."