"I'm sorry my heart's too big for my own good! I just want to be a good person!"
~
Theodore Chambers moves from his home in London to Hawkins and realizes this town isn't what it seems
Or
In which the new kid in town is thrown into all sorts of insa...
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chapter eighteen; just breathe
Control your breathing. It helps. Deep inhale through the nose for four seconds. Hold for seven. Exhale the air out through the mouth for eight seconds. Inhale for four. Hold for seven. Exhale for eight. BREATHE.
'It's not working,' Teddy thought, trying his very best to perform the actions his mind repeated. His chest heaved, gasping for air—he was trying. He wanted to ground himself, not get lost in his emotions.
It is. Breathe. Relax. Teddy's mind repeated the command. It was his anxiety attack method, but it works just the same now to calm his anger. He needed to take a breather, take himself out of the cabin. He needed to be alone.
Cowardly move? Perhaps. Running away from a situation he created...
Just Breathe, Teddy.
Teddy sighed, resting his head along the wood banister of the porch. His eyes looked up at the darkening sky... fireworks. He'd see them soon, maybe even hear them. God, Teddy didn't even like fireworks. This thought was a little distraction from the chaos that became his mind. It remained in turmoil, conflicting thoughts fighting out to take prominence.
Now he understood why his dad would go out to smoke after fighting with his mom. Arguments were exhausting, especially yelling. Maybe he'd ask his dad to share a drag... He didn't know what to think anymore... he didn't feel like himself. He was turning into—no, he wasn't like her. He wasn't like his mother. The main difference is Teddy was ashamed of his actions.
Ashamed? Was he ashamed? Why was he? He didn't nothing wrong... except scream like a child who couldn't process his emotions. Teddy groaned. It was a little childish how he acted.
Yes, the words needed to come out... but now that he had a clear mind, he thought he could've done it differently. He believed he needed to apologize to his friends for that little outburst . He was too kind for his own good that even when he was in the right of a situation, he still wanted to apologize.
But, another part of him reasoned, it was the only way they'd listen to him. His words fell on deaf ears for far too long. He just wanted someone to actually listen to what he said and take it seriously.
Mike deserved it.
There was no debate in his mind about that. Sure, Teddy's words slapped Mike right across the face, but he deserved it for how he treated Teddy. Max deserved it too, to some extent... Mike more so than her, but still. Teddy couldn't on that track for much longer being the mediator. It wasn't his job. They were supposed to be friends. And friends were supposed to be good to each other.
With one final deep breath, Teddy turned on his heel to go inside the cabin. Enough time had gone by... The door squeaked, signaling his arrival to the others. They were talking... he wasn't able to catch any of what was said. The conversation softened with Teddy's reentrance. All eyes turned to him. The stares. He hated being stared at. Always did. He was being watched, maybe even judged. An uncomfortable feeling brewed in his stomach as an embarrassed blush brushed his cheeks. His gaze fell to his shoes as he pressed forward to the kitchen. He wanted some water to soothe his throat.
