All Four Of Me

Chapter 35

KENZIE

"You look like you could use some good news to start this session off." Dr Miller says as we both settle into our usual chairs in his office.

To say the least, today has felt like one of the longest days of my life. It probably doesn't help that I spent most of the night staring up at my ceiling, petting Basil's soft fur until the shadows started to disappear from my room with the early morning light, but I would much rather be dead tired and semi relaxed than woken in a panic by another hellish nightmare. I don't think Basil was up for another night of being drenched in sweat and squashed into the mattress as I tossed and turned either.

In all seriousness, feeling tired isn't the only problem I have had to struggle with throughout the course of the day. Even though we are in the last few days of the term, classes seemed to drag on for what felt like an eternity at school, and despite being treated to movies in just about every second period, the novelty of not having to do classwork did nothing to speed the day along. If anything, it only made my exhaustion set in further.

I could lie and say that this was just some random coincidence, that my lack of proper sleep had caused the horrible sensation of everything feeling like it was moving at less than half speed, but in reality the real issue has nothing to do with my turbulent sleep pattern and everything to do with my anxiety.

There has been a lot of anticipation surrounding this day, and despite trying to convince myself that nothing bad is going to happen, I haven't quite been able to tame the slithering snake that has coiled itself tight inside my chest. The anxiety isn't anything new to me, but there is something strangely unsettling about the way it has presented itself throughout the course of the day.

Like, at some points I would be able to distract myself from the dreadful feeling, even if it was just for a few minutes, and then out of nowhere it would spring out at me again like a jack in the box from hell. A constant reminder that within a few short (but terribly long) hours, everything might change again and my life could become even more complicated than it already is.

So yes, Dr Miller is right. Starting this session off with something positive could make a world of difference right now. I don't know if what he has to say is going to be enough to completely pull me out of my funny mind space, but if it offers me some form of reprieve from the torment I have faced today then it has to be worth a shot.

"What exactly classifies as good news to you?" I ask feeling genuinely curious by his statement.

"Well, I was contacted by the organisation who runs the scholarship program you applied for and they advised me that you have been short listed for the award." He answers as if he is ordering off a menu instead of sharing something of significant interest.

This was not what I was expecting him to say but I'm definitely not disappointed.

"You're right, that is good news." I agree with a smile. In fact, it's great news.

Mr Pauling and the rest of the school board recently approved my application to complete a student based apprenticeship course in hospitality, however it is only on the basis that I can pass a basic skills and general knowledge test, and also that I attend extra curricular support classes to boost my literacy skills. The decision on whether I will be repeating any grades has not yet been finalised and will most likely depend on the outcome of the knowledge and skills test they want me to undertake.

If I win this scholarship I will be able to use the funds to pay for out of school tutoring and other learning resources that will help improve my reading and writing abilities. Based on some of the research Nathan has done on the topic I might even have enough money left over after the tutoring and reading courses to purchase my own laptop. Not only would that make completing my homework and assessments that much easier, it would also allow me the freedom and privacy to do my own research without another set of prying eyes following my every move.