Unconditionally

Chapter Forty-seven

"My head says, 'Who cares?' But then my heart whispers, 'You do, stupid. '"

I never thought it would come down to this, ending things that you thought would last longer. But here I am, sitting on the living room couch with a pint of ice cream that will hopefully mend my broken heart. Dramatic, I know. I have never been good at expressing my thoughts or feelings during arguments. Sometimes words just blurt out, or other times I hold my ground and keep my mouth shut.

After going to that party in California and seeing those things, I wasn't sure what I should have done. I sat in front of the dorm building for a long time, waiting for the moment when I would see Ashton walking towards me.

Everything would then fall into place. I hoped he would understand why I left.
It was dark out by the time Ashton came back. Carter wasn't with him so I assumed he was still at the party.

"Hey, I looked all over for you, but I couldn't find you." Says Ashton.

I smile weakly at him; feeling drained and ready for bed. I stand up from sitting on the cold concrete. My butt became numb more than a few minutes ago. Ashton wraps his arm around my waist and pulls out his card key. When we get inside the dorm building, we head to his dorm room. Right when the door is closed, I turn around to ask him a question but to only be kissed deeply.

My body reacts before my mind does. With my hands running through his hair, I allow Ashton to pretty much kiss me all the way to his bed. His hands go to the end of my black t-shirt, ready to pull it off my body. Then everything comes crashing down.

I notice how sloppy he's kissing down my neck. I notice how his breath tastes of cheep beer. Gasping loudly, I put my hands on his chest to push him away. Ashton moves away from me, eyebrows raised and green eyes darkened.

"Ashton, I don't want to do this. We need to talk." I tell him.

Not hearing what I said, he ignores me and reaches for my top. He lifts it up a couple of inches before I put my hands on top his and grip them tightly.

"Stop." I snap.

Something seems to click in his mind because he removes his hands from me. He looks confused- surprised. Tears randomly fill my eyes. I shakily breathe in.

"This isn't like you, Ashton." My voice cracks like a teenage boy. "You aren't like this."

Ashton takes a step closer to me. "What do you mean, Kenzie?"

Everything is so confusing! I can't concentrate! I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to orderly piece together my thoughts. I don't know what I mean. My mind flashes back to the party and what I saw. I have never been in one of those situations before. I may sound pathetic, but I don't want to experience it again.

I open my eyes. "Ashton, just look at yourself. You said you weren't going to drink, and you obviously did." Ashton widens his eyes.

He shakes his head. "I am not drunk."

A sarcastic laugh escapes me. "You aren't drunk you say? Then how come you tasted like cheap beer? Explain that, Ashton. Explain how you ignored me when I asked you to stop just a few moments ago."

"I had a few beers!" He suddenly yells. "What does it matter? I was hanging out with my friends. I couldn't say no."

My eyebrows pinch together. Taking a step forward, I move myself so Ashton has to strain his neck to look down at me. I poke his chest, furry begins to bubble in my chest.