Red in my Ledger

Chapter Thirty-One

He was joking.
Surely. He couldn't be serious.
I didn't know what to say. So I said nothing. Nothing more than "no."
He wasn't laughing.
He wasn't joking.
He looked a little hurt.
I wanted to run.
I wanted to avoid this uncomfortableness. It was horrible.
How could he be serious? After... everything. Why would he ask me out on a date?
I just physically can't bring myself to say yes.
Bucky was still staring at me, blankly.
We had stopped walking now. We were simply standing motionless on the sidewalk.
—
Bucky hated that you said no. He dreaded your answer from the moment he asked the question.
But what could he do about it?
"Okay" he frowned and started walking again.
You stayed put.
"Are you coming?"
"I- I can't."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm gonna... I'm gonna for a walk... on my own."
"Y/n you know I can't let you do that."
"It's not your choice" you said as you turned to walk away.
"Y/n, come on."
"I'll see you back at the tower."
"Please just come back with me?"
"No."
Bucky watched you walk away. His sadness grew inside of him, until it reached a level of anger.
"Fine!" he yelled at you. He turned and stormed off in the other direction.
———
The next day, in the evening...
"Jarvis" you called quietly. You had just walked through the front doors of the tower. You didn't know if anyone was around, but you hoped they weren't as you didn't want to see anyone.
You hadn't been home since you went shopping with Bucky. Yesterday.
"Miss y/n" Jarvis responded. "Mr Stark has been looking for you."
"Yeah I know. Where is he?"
"In the lab."
"Could you tell him I'm coming to see him?"
"He has been notified."
"Thank you."
You made your way to the floor of the lab.
Tony was pacing around. He looked as though he hasn't slept in a while.
The second he saw you, he instantly ran over to embrace you in his arms.
"God, I was so worried about you" he cried.
The show of his affection broke you. You started crying in his arms. You blamed tiredness for your weakness in this moment.
"I'm sorry Tony."
"Hey it's okay."
"It's stupid" you sobbed. "It's so stupid."
"What is?"
You told him. You explained why you didn't come home. Because you really really did not want to see Bucky.
"Why not?" Tony asked.
"He asked my on a date."
"Okay... what's the problem?"
"I couldn't tell if he was joking. If he was, it was just cruel. If he wasn't, well first of all I told him I didn't want to date right now. Secondly, I don't want to ruin what we have. He's my best friend. I don't know why he could want to change that. Something could go happen a-and I don't want to lose him."
"You're not gonna lose him."
"That's not even the worst part" you sniffed, trying to suppress your tears. You were struggling to explain to Tony. "I- I wa- he- ... w-when I was eighteen, I was- it's when I was still at the Red Room a-and I... Dreykov asked to see me. He- Dreykov wanted to... as he put it, give me a gift... f-for eighteen years he was like my father figure... he... he was just waiting for me to be old enough a-and then he... Dreykov raped me."
"Oh y/n..."
"Bucky's known me since I was a kid. I- I don't- what if he was just doing the same thing?"
"I'm so sorry. I promise I will help keep him away from you as long as you need."
"Thank you Tony."
"Do you want to stay in my room again?"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course. Come on, you need some rest."
He put his arm around you and held you close as you walked together to his bedroom.
When you got there, you instantly crawled into Tony's bed and curled up into a ball by the pillows.
"Do you need anything?" he asked.
"No" you mumbled.
"You sure?"
"Mhm. I'm gonna get some rest."
"Okay. Do you mind if I tell Natasha you're here, and she come see you in the morning? She was worried too. We all were."
"Okay but not..."
"Not Barnes. I know."
———
Tony, Natasha, Yelena, Steve and Bucky all joined together at breakfast the next day.
Everyone else had gone back to their own homes.
No one had cooked, so they were simply eating cereal and or toast.
Bucky was sitting quietly. He had refused to talk to anyone since you hadn't come home two days ago.
He obviously blamed himself for losing you.
He sat across from Tony. He observed that he looked more well rested than he had yesterday. He didn't have the same look of worry. He seemed calm.
Tony finished his slice of toast and got up to put his dish in the sink. He then returned to the table and stood by Natasha. He whispered something to Natasha, too quietly to be heard by Bucky, who was still watching.
Natasha's lips twitched almost into a smile. She got up from the table and followed Stark out of the room.
Bucky's eyes moved over to Steve. He hoped he had overheard, as he was sitting in the chair next to Natasha.
"What was all that about?" Bucky asked.
Steve simply shrugged. He had overheard, but didn't want to tell Bucky.
"Y/n came home last night. We can go see her, but she really doesn't want to see Barnes" Tony had said to Natasha. "And honestly I don't want him near her either."
Bucky had a feeling he knew what they were talking about as he could see relief in Nat's eyes. He thought it best to wait for you to come talk to him.
———
Natasha walked with Tony to the elevator, where Tony pressed the button to the floor of his room.
"So what happened? Why doesn't she want to see Bucky?" Natasha questioned.
"He asked her on a date. Y/n has her objections. And I don't blame her for not wanting to see him."
"What did she tell you?"
"I think you should wait to hear it from her" Tony suggested.
They got back to his room, and Tony unlocked the door.
You were awake on the bed, setting up your new phone.
You dropped it as Natasha jumped on the bed next to you and hugged you.
"I'm so glad you're okay" she said. "Please don't ever run off like that again."
"I'm sorry."
Natasha sat back to face you. "Tony said you had an argument with Bucky?"
You explained to Natasha everything that happened, repeating exactly what you had said to Tony last night.
———
A while later, when he was sure Tony and Natasha had left, Bucky went to see you. He knew you would be hiding in Tony's room.
He knocked gently on the door. There was no answer.
He tried to let himself in. The door was locked.
"Voice activation required" Jarvis said.
"Um. Bucky."
"Access denied."
"Barnes?"
"Access denied."
"Y/n" Bucky knocked once again. "I know you're in there. Please, I just need to talk to you. Y/n?"
You didn't answer. When you heard his voice, you had sat up in bed. You were staring at the door blankly.
"Y/n, please open the door."
Nothing.
"You know what, just come find me when you're ready to apologise" Bucky sighed and turned to leave.
"What?!" he heard you yell from inside.