Red in my Ledger

Chapter Forty-Seven

Bucky took your hand and moved it away so he could see the wound clearly.
Blood pouring out of you like the sand pouring through an hourglass. Not much time left.
"Bucky?"
The sound of your voice pulled his face back to you, eyes open once more. They were full of tears that threatened to release themselves at any moment.
"Bucky, I'm not ready to go yet."
"Hey, listen to me" he replied as confidently as he could, trying himself not to break down. "You're not going anywhere, okay? You're gonna be fine. We're gonna go home and live together happily... and in peace. It's all over. You're not... I'm not gonna lose you."
A tear fell down the side of your face as you tried to smile, tried to find comfort in what he had to say.
But you knew it was a lie.
Now you had to tell him before it was too late.
"I love you."
You said it so quietly, a whisper. But the words raced through Bucky's mind.
"What?"
"I- I love you. I think I always have... I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner."
"No, no you don't need to apologise for anything doll."
He attempted to smile again, but it did not meet his eyes as they silently cried.
"Can you- can you tell my brother... a-and my sisters that I- I love them too" you requested.
Bucky slowly shook his head.
"No. No. You- you're gonna come home, and you can tell them yourself. Okay? You're gonna be fine" his voice broke at the last word as he watched your eyelids fall heavily down to shut your eyes.
Your hand crawled across your stomach and found his, and you squeezed it tightly.
"I love you y/n. I really need you to be okay."
His entire body was shaking as he leaned over your face and kissed you for what he tried to convince himself wasn't the last time.
He squeezed your hand in his but you didn't react.
Your hand had fallen out of his palm as you no longer held onto him.
"No, please" Bucky cried. "Please don't go. I can't do this without you. I need you y/n, please-" he lost his words to quiet sobs.
What happened in the next few minutes was all a blur to Bucky.
The avengers finally arrived. They had all come. They all found Bucky around the same time. They noticed Rumlow dead on the floor, but barely paid attention once they saw you. Bucky refused to let go of you despite Steve's efforts to help him up. Eventually, Thor was asked to force him away from you. Tony collapsed by your side and ran his finger round the bullet hole; your blood stained his hand. He shook his head and lifted you when he stood. He was going to take you to the hospital. He had his suit on, so he flew straight there without waiting for the others. Bucky leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. He hid his face behind his knees but his cries were still audible to the others. Yelena was trying not to cry. Natasha let a few tears fall. The others consoled them, upset but knowing that it was harder for them.
When they finally decided to go, Steve was the one to walk over to Bucky again. He crouched beside him and placed an arm on his shoulder. He looked up at him tearfully.
"She can't be gone" he mumbled. "I love her, Steve."
"I know. Tony's taking her to the hospital..."
Bucky was shaking his head. He knew it was too late.
"... we'll go there now. We should get you checked out and then you can see her."
He was still shaking his head a little but said nothing.
Steve held out his hand and Bucky finally stood up beside him. Steve helped him, an arm around him as they all filed out the building in silence.
———
When they arrived at the hospital, Bucky argued to try and find you. He was too weak to win so he gave in.
He went with some doctors to check on his injuries from where he had been beaten in the Hydra base.
The others could do nothing but wait for news.
There was no sign of Tony yet.
Bucky finally came out about half an hour later.
Everything was okay. Physically. He was still dying inside.
Still no news about you.
Bucky was sure you were already gone before the Avengers arrived at the base. So why was it taking so long?
He became impatient.
Steve noticed. He had his arm around Natasha, but got up and moved to sit next to Bucky.
Bucky avoided eye contact, afraid conversation might make him weep.
"It's gonna be okay Buck" Steve assured.
Bucky shook his head in response.
Steve tried to change the topic slightly.
"We found some data at the base... the location of every Hydra facility across the globe. We can end this. We can leave it all on the past."
Leave you in the past. That's not what Steve meant, but that's what Bucky heard. He didn't want to leave you in the past. He wanted you in the present, in his future. You were his future.
A door opened.
Everyone looked up expectantly.
It was Tony.
Bucky stood up.
Tony glanced at him.
His eyes journeyed around the room.
They landed back on Bucky.
Bucky knew before he said it.
Tony's voice was quiet, a sore croak through tears.
"She's gone."