A Hidden Picture

Thirteen

~ Annalise

I sit there numbly as I listen to them fight.

Is it bad that I hate both of them?

That I avoid them both?

Because of them dad avoids coming home now.

Because of them I barely see the one person in this family who doesn't give me a headache.

Sometimes I think, what's the point of this all?

For so long it's felt like I've been forgotten by the people who aren't supposed to forget me.

I'm just the girl on the outside of all of their own little worlds, never being allowed inside.

I watch as they bicker and fight, knowing I'm not able to do anything. I watch the news, seeing people dying, knowing I can't do anything. I watch my sister flush her life down the drain, knowing I can't stop her. I watch them yell, knowing I can't stop them.

What's the point of all this if I know my voice means nothing? If I know my voice will just be tuned out, the volume lowered by the people around me.

When people ask me why I tend to be quiet and not speak unless spoken to, I say I don't know.

Except I think I just feel more comfortable being where I've always been, in the background of everyone's life. The face that becomes fuzzy over time, forgotten amongst the sea of others.

I sketch a misshapen face on the post note I'm using as a bookmark.

My life kind of feels like it was sketched out with a pencil. At times there being almost all darker shades with very few specks of highlights.

When will I finally be able to add color.

~

"Why go to college when you could be a nepotism baby?" Ro looks away from my bedroom wall and to me as I sit in my bed reading.

My eyes dart to him. "With whose money?" I grin. Does he think I look like Lily Rose Depp or something?

"In my dreams I'm a nepotism baby with rich and famous parents who left me a trust fund and all I have to do is spend it and make friends with fellow rich and famous people," he smirks.

I huff out a laugh and shake my head. "Oh don't we all wish."

I'm sitting on my bed and looking out the open window next to me. The kids living behind me are currently doing gymnastics routines in their backyard. I look to Ro whose now trying to find the smutty books in my bookcase.

It's Wednesday which means I have detention with Reed tomorrow. I had it with him yesterday and he was asleep the whole time. Then I took a nap too.

The teacher had woken us both up when it was time leave, then he gave me a ride home since he had driven to school that day.

I wouldn't necessarily call us friends, but I guess we're...cool.

On the outside he looks like he'd be a bit of a cocky asshole. And he is, but sometimes he's...alright. God if younger-me could hear me right now she'd slap me across the face.

I can hear her. 'How dare you think kindly of that boy!'

My eyes flicker over to Ro whose still scrolling through my books, still trying to find smut. "What are your plans for after college?"

He looks to me and cringes. "Are you trying to ruin my day?!"

A smile spreads on my lips. He thinks. "I want to be in the fashion industry but I'm not sure as what exactly. There's so many different options I haven't narrowed anything down yet."