He was the conqueror. She was the sacrifice.
He was powerful. She was unexpected.
He was certain. She was uncertainty.
He formed a nation. She formed his world.
Together they would make history.
▪︎°▪︎°▪︎°▪︎
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xlii. Wandering
Harald had not slept for what felt like days.
Truth be told, he did not even know how much time had passed since they had arrived in Kattegat. It was all a blur to him. Every single day felt like a lie being lived over and over again just for the sake of going through the motions.
Outside, the sounds of celebrations rang out as the others feasted and drank to celebrate their victory. Whereas before, he would be out there joining them, now he only felt indifferent.
He did not even know his own role in Kattegat. What he was still doing there. What he was supposed to be doing now. It was all a mystery to him. He felt like an impostor, a fraudulent version of the man he used to be.
Before all of this, all he cared about was winning. Winning Kattegat, winning against Lagertha. If he knew what was going to happen to Kari before everything, he would've given it all up. All of it was nothing.
His dream of a unified Norway under his rule became trivial and insignificant in the face of all that he had lost. Losing Halfdan and the possibility of losing Kari felt like a massive slap in the face.
He felt like the stupidest man alive. He had it all wrong. He had been a fool to think that his ambition, his dream was all that mattered. He had made it his whole identity, his whole being to become that man he thought he should be when all he wanted were those two people he loved.
Now, he was supposedly one step closer to his ambition but he had lost the only two people who had cared about him enough to admit it. The only two people who ever gave a damn about him were lost to him, far from his reach. His brother was gone by his own hand.
His wife was still alive but she had not moved at all. She remained unconscious. Nothing the healer did worked. She had ground up medical herbs and given all possible concoctions to an unconscious Kari but nothing had worked.
Sometimes Harald thought that he saw a finger twitch or he would think that he saw her eyes flicker open but he would always be disappointed. That didn't stop him though from talking to her, hoping to all the gods that she could hear him.
Many had already given up hope that she would ever wake up but even if Harald felt the despair creep up on him, he refused to believe that she was still not fighting. She was not in Valhalla yet.
He knew that somewhere, wherever she was, she was fighting for her life, fighting to return to him. It may be something he conjured up in his own mind to cope with his loss but he did not care. If he knew anything about his Kari, it was that she was a fighter.
A knock interrupted his thoughts, making him look away from Kari. He sighed, rubbing at his eyes to realize that he had done it again. He had lost track of time and another night of feasting had ended. It was quiet outside which meant that everyone had either gone home or passed out from drinking too much.
