The Boy She Saw in the Hospital

chapter 5- school

It's been 10 months since I've been hospitalised and I'm feeling better than ever.

Since the cancer performance incident, my health has drastically improved.

So let me give you a quick life update. I've been released from the hospital and I have moved back into my room. My happiness has improved and I'm beginning to heal from some of the trauma I've endured. I still tuned in everyday at 2:47pm to watch that fine boy with his lovely tulips, but obviously I've stopped since I've moved back into my home. My cancer has even gone away. I probably should have started off by saying that. And...No that's pretty much it. That's all that's happened.

Other than that the chemo really kicked in back then. I started losing large clumps. It pained me to just see my hair in my hands. As I said before, your hair says a lot about you, it tells a story.

Since then, my hair has grown into a short hair style like slightly-above-shoulder-length type of short.

Another thing that I can't decide is if it's exciting or anxiety-inducing that my doctor said I'm all cleared to go back to school. He of course said that I should still be precautious as it's very common on stage 3 cancer patients for cancer to go away only to come back.

We all know what happened at my high school. I don't want to go back and face that. However, I also want a normal teenager life. I want to go back to the person I was before. Before cancer changed me.

My parents were excited. I never told them about what happened with Clarissa and everyone else. They just assumed me and Clarissa stopped talking or we found new friends.

They also assumed that we were TP'd by some random kids. I mean it is a thing that people do on Halloween. They didn't think much of it but were rightfully a bit mad.

So yes, they supported the idea of me going back to school. My heart supported it. But my brain rallied against it.

Well here I am now. Preparing to go back to school. Mentally preparing myself to go back to that battlefield.

I practice my makeup and pick out an outfit to wear tomorrow.

I pick out something comfortable but cute. Just a white camisole cropped top with a baby pink square neckline sweater and some baggy dark grey jeans. I pair it with a white pearl necklace, a silver locket and some all white trainers.

I fold the clothes and place the locket and necklace on top of it and the shoes next to my bed.

It was hard to go to sleep at night. No matter where I am, sleeping will always be difficult for me. Just being alone with my thoughts. It creeps me out.

The next morning, I wake up feeling peaceful but that changes as soon as I realise I'm attending school for the first time in 10 whole months. That hit me like a dumptruck.

It's not like I'm going to be behind or anything. They don't teach you anything in American schools.

I got out of bed. Quickly made it and set for the bathroom.

I turned on the shower, waiting for it to get warmer as I just stared straight ahead at the walls. While doing this I spotted an oddly coloured stain. I'm confused, where did that stain come from?

I get into the shower and again, I'm alone with my thoughts. I hum a song to get rid of the bleak and frightening combination of loneliness and shower thoughts.

I hum to 'XO' by Beyoncé. Gosh I love that song.

So, with a tummy ache made from anxiety, I rapidly put on my outfit that I picked out from the day before.

Staring blankly at myself I brushed and brushed my hair for what seemed like hours. It was only 6 minutes. But I felt gone. Like I wasn't there for a while. Like I left my body.

"Valerie! Come downstairs to eat!" I heard my mom shout from down the stairs.

"I'm not hungry, thanks though!" I shout back hoping she can hear.

I'm too nervous to eat.

Being torn on what to do with my hair I try putting it in multiple styles. I try a low ponytail. High ponytail. Plaits. Half up half down. But ultimately I just decide to leave it down.

I grab my grey corduroy tote bag and head downstairs. I turn to face the front door and reach for the door handle.

But then I feel my mother and father staring at me. I can tell they have their 'concerned parent face' on.

I turn around and tell them I love them. Give them a hopeful smile, turn around and remove the smile from my face. Fake it till you make it am I right or am I right?

I walk to school which takes about 10 minutes. It's September 1st and it's pretty cold outside. I probably should have taken a jacket.

Here I am. High school. I trash talked you and here I am. Standing before you.

I'm smothered by the background noise of teenagers talking. I take a deep breath and walk straight ahead, towards the open gate. I keep walking and walking and think to myself maybe if I keep on walking I'll gain a bit of confidence. That doesn't happen.

I sigh under my breath.

Here we go again.

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hiiii!
honestly i was a bit bored writing this chapter but i hope you enjoyed it
if you didn't that's okay cause i didn't either
i mean it was a bit boring
but anyways it gets better!
also i need the outfit valerie wore in my life it's so cute😭
stay tuned for more!!
word count-984
30/08/22