The Boy She Saw in the Hospital

chapter 12- the drug

JACOB'S POV:

I look over to the side of the car where Valerie is and look at her as she listens to the playlist I made for her.

"Space Song" is playing and she looks over to me and her eyes bore into mine. I can tell she really connects to this song and it means something to her.

"That song is the musical embodiment of a shooting star." She tells me as her eyes glisten and contrast with the dull autumn weather.

"You have such a way with words." I tease her.

"Wait where are we going again?" She asks me. I can tell she's eager to know. I mean I basically kidnapped her.

"We're going to the hospital so you can meet my mother." I explain to her, "Now go fix your appearance, okay, my mom is a very judgemental woman."

"Okay, okay." She chuckles, "Calm down Tulip Man."

In the corner of my eye I notice her actually fixing up her hair and tweaking her makeup. Does she really care that much about meeting my mother?

I pull up to the hospital car park and find a good parking space. I exit the car and walk over to the other side of it. I open the car door for Valerie, like the gentleman I am, and offer her my hand for assistance.

She smacks it away and gets out of the car herself.

"Ow. That really hurt my feelings," I say jokingly.

We walk up towards the hospital and see the reflection of ourselves in the glass doors. I begin to feel the nerves creeping up inside me, telling me to be afraid and worry about my mother.

Then I hear Valerie's sweet voice and it calms me down.

"Don't worry, I'm here with you," She says in a low and raspy tone.

She takes my hand and squeezes it and looks at me with an encouraging smile. How can an individual have such an impactful smile?

The time reads 2:47pm. Just then I remember something that I left in the car.

I rush back and open the car door and take out a bouquet of white tulips. My mother's favourite.

I go back to Valerie and reach back for her hand, seeking for comfort.

"Let's go," I smile at her.

We walk up the stairs and go to my mother's hospital room.

It hurts me.

Seeing her there. Seeing her lie there, helpless and in excruciating pain. One can only imagine how it feels.

I turn away from my mom. I just can't look at her anymore. I know it sounds so horrible but I really can't. I can't look at her when she's in that state, knowing that there's nothing I can do to help her. It brings tears to my eyes.

Yet, as I turn around my eyes meet Valerie's comforting smile. She hugs me. This is the second time she's hugged me. I'm beginning to think she really likes it. I hug her back and bask in her warm embrace.

"Look, not too long ago, I was in your mother's shoes," She begins, "All I ever wanted was for someone to look at me, for just one person to not be disgusted by me. Don't make your mother feel that way."

Those words echoed within me.

I would never want my mother to feel that way. Also, Valerie should have never gone through that, the amount of hardships she has faced is unimaginable. That explains why she's so tough.

I slowly gather enough courage to face my mother and look at her. I could never let her think that I was disgusted by her and her cancer. I love her to the moon and back. She stuck by me when she could have left. Instead of repeating the actions of my father, she decided to live.

To live just for me. She's alive because of me. I'm all she has left. She's all I have left.

I open the creaky hospital door and I store my emotions far away, far enough that they don't become exposed.

"Hi," I say to my mother.

"Hi, Jaco," She responds to me.

I turn back to see Valerie standing behind the door. I gesture for her to come inside the room so she can meet the wonder that is my mother.

She walks in slowly and with the most heart warming smile plastered across her face.

"Mom meet Valerie, Valerie meet mom." I say as I introduce the both of them to each other.

The two most important people in my life all in the same room as me.

"Wow, she's so gorgeous! Why are you dating a scruffy boy like Jaco with such beauty likes yours?" She says, teasing me.

"Mom, you can stop calling me Jaco," I laugh off, "Also, me and Valerie are definitely not dating."

I look over to Valerie as she looks down at the ground shyly.

"Yeah, Ms Hiell, we're not dating," Valerie says through an awkward smile.

"Valerie, darling, could you give me and Jacob some space?" My mother asks Valerie, "I just need to talk to him. It was a pleasure meeting you."

"It was a pleasure meeting you as well. and of course," Valerie replies.

"Treat my little Jaco nicely, will you? He may be stubborn at times but has a heart pure of gold," My mother says genuinely, relaxing her eyes because she knows she can trust Valerie.

"Sure will, and you were spot on with the stubborn part." Valerie shoots me a look and I shoot one back.

Valerie exits the room, again, with a smile on her face. How can she smile so much?

"Listen, Jaco, I know that I've been making life difficult for you," My mother softens her eyes as she fixes her gaze towards me.

"What?" I ask, confused as to what she's trying to say.

"I'm aware that you're doing bad at school, you're failing and you've been struggling mentally." She says, trying to get me to cooperate with her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lie through my teeth.

"I fear that you will never truly flourish if I'm here to distract you," She says while avoiding eye contact with me, scared to see my reaction.

"What do you mean by that?" I question worriedly as my voice develops into a shaky tone.

"I've been thinking about physician assisted suicide, Jacob."

"No. never," I protest as wells begin to fill up my eyes but I fight the urge to showcase my emotions.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry. I've taken the drugs not too long ago." My mother begins crying which then makes me begin crying, "I need you to stay with Aunt Margaret in Manhattan when I'm gone, she'll take good care of you."

"No mom, stay. I need you, I need you to call me Jaco, you can reprimand me for leaving my dirty shoes in the house, please I need to live a life with a mother. I need you to do this." I plead, knowing it'll do nothing in the long run.

"The distance between the constellations will never amount to how much my love for you is." My mother says.

No, I feel her slipping away. I'm scared. I'm so scared to be on my own. I'm not ready for it yet. I haven't even had my first kiss, my first love, my first party. Please, stay with me mother, I need you. I need you so much.

"One day I'll see you up there Jaco, I'll always love you." She says wearily.

"Forever." She says finally.

"Forever." I repeat.

_____________
this was such a heartbreaking chapter
jacob has been through so much
word count-1294
18/09/22