Odds And Mirrors (Unedited)

Nsizwa

There's always been something dark about my brother and it has never been a problem because he's the one we all go to when there's a mess.

He's been carrying this dark energy ever since he and our mother went missing.
I was never meant to know about the kidnapping or him killing 3 men but I over heard the conversation between Mkhulu and Stompie.

If anything I think I loved and respected him more when I found out why he did it.
He's our keeper in a way but for some reason when Lesedi came into our lives, I didn't feel okay with the idea of them being in a relationship.

This is not because I wanted her for myself
There was something about her, something I can't explain.
From the time we first met, it felt like clarity and the more I got to know her, the more it intensified.
Sure she's smart and beautiful but there is something about her that feels calm, honest even, it's that very thing that made her feel like a cute but occasionally mean little sister.

A sister that needed to be protected from my brother's darkness
As great as Phakamile is, he's hurt the sweetest women I've ever come across
I don't know how he picks them but he always dates and fucks beautiful, kind hearted women and he hurts them everytime with no remorse. I just didn't want that for Lesedi

Funny thing is, she never needed my protection or anyone elses but the urge to keep her safe has always been there.
I think it was amplified by knowing how hard she worked just to be an average middle class citizen.
She dares life with a passion and strength that doesn't make sense but the closer one gets to her, the more that passion spills over

"It's never been about what people will say or think about you but don't you care about how you feel about yourself? Nsizwa you're a few months from 30, surely being a spoilt little brother who gets everything handed to him isn't the only thing you're good at" she said defeated after I crashed the forklift and ended up in hospital

"I've already got the lecture Sedi, Don't"

"Okay but regular day to day things, are you my boss or friend mostly?" She asked

"I want to say friend but you bully me so I'm not sure" I finally cracked her when I said this and she chuckled

"I'm happy you know that, so know I say this with nothing but love.
You're on some clown shit right now, Nsizwa for as long as you can remember, you've always had life made easier for you. Don't get in your feelings about it because I know growing up couldn't have been just rainbows and butterflies but it was easier than for most people our age"

"Sedi, please" I said defeated because honestly I knew she meant well, she always does even when she's being a pain in the ass.

The sigh that followed was of nothing but defeat, but she carried on softly

"Do you know Zakhele from IT isn't going on that work trip, you keep insisting on, because his salary pays for the up keep of his mothers house
He takes his 2 siblings to school, On top of that, his wife got tired of working at a call centre so he's taking her to beauty school and currently saving to set up her salon at the back of their house?" She asked casually

"I didn't know that"

"I know and that's my problem with you, you seem too okay with being out of touch and living in your bubble of privilege. You're trying to build relationships and friendships with people but everything you do is on the surface. If you had just hung out with him and spoke, you'd know. Now why would someone like that want to hang out with you?" She asked calmly

When I said nothing back she continued

"He's the smartest and most qualified on your team, I think you might like his ideas and you improve things at well. Only then can you annoy people with your trips" she said laighing