Odds And Mirrors (Unedited)

Phakamile

Here's the thing, Lesedi is not dead. She doesn't have what it takes to be dead, she's just working on my nerves like she usually does.
She the kind of woman to give you a headache and boner at the same time on a random Tuesday
The worst part is that it's not intentional, she never goes out of her way to fuck with my head.
She does it it without trying to and at this point I'm over my love for her
It was almost a year ago that she was casually saying
"I'm not hurt badly, just got fractured ribs and 12 stitches"
I damn near caused an accident when she said that
She's aging me prematurely and is causing me health issues
There's something codependent from my end that I can't quite put into words, it bothered me when she felt suffocated by me in the beginning because I couldn't help but want to be around her and have our lives intertwined. Especially because I thought I was playing it cool the whole time

I've spent too much time trying to reason with myself and make sense of why I love her this much. The closest I ever felt to an answer is that she's an extension of me, a kinder, warmer and innocent part of me. The most beautiful thing about me, the only mirror version of me that's worth seeing. I make sense to myself when she's around, I like who I am with her, crazy as she drives me

At this point I wish I never met Lesedi because I didn't know I was unhappy with life until she came and made life exciting.
Now I've been on this gut-wrenching emotional rollercoaster for too long

I never thought it was possible to be addicted to a human, not for just their personality or good sex but right down to their skin and the way her lips curve everytime she smiles or gets upset
I can look at her from all angles all day, any day, she's my best friend and I always want her around even when there's nothing to say or do.

During my camera stalking days, I remember watching her get ready for work most mornings, she was fluid somehow, never in a rush but almost always late.
Sure I love her naked body but dear God those mornings were I was just watching her lotion herself before getting dressed are unmatched.
Even now, I enjoy watching her dress up after a shower, there's something about her movement. Something about her, it's like I can think clearly in her presence

I don't know how many times I've watched clips of her getting ready

After getting home from our 3rd date
She danced and jumped around excited and that's how I knew I had her interest

Our first date was the game drive and dinner in Mpumalanga, the 2nd was on a random day when I took her to dinner after eating her food. I can see why she wouldn't consider those dates because it was circumstantial
The official date was when I took her to the Deco expo then to August house for a private viewing of all the artists there

It's in downtown Joburg and she immediately asked if I was trying to get her killed
Her uneasiness was washed away when she realised the purpose of the building
My weirdo didn't realise that other than the artists and security we were the only ones there. I had to book out the studio for the date
Her excitement was worse than when I took Ndoni to see Justin Bieber
She knew most of the artists there
Hard as she tried to act cool, her little shrieks and bounces of excitement were the cutest thing I had ever seen, she'd grab and squeeze my arm randomly
She grilled some of the artists and we ended up spending about 4 hours in there

She lost her mind when she saw some old woman's painting and wanted to buy it

The 225K price tag had her making weird faces and I knew she was mentally calculating her affordability
I hoped she'd get over it, not because it was pricey but because I didn't like it
It's got too much blue in it and is a bit chaotic
Now it's hanging in her library
The only reason I called and bought it after we left, is because she said