Odds And Mirrors (Unedited)

Zigi

"Daddy I'm not a baby anymore, I know Mana passed away, I saw Lume crying. Why didn't you take me to the funeral?"

He asked me this a good 6 months ago, and I didn't know what to say to him so I just held him
Lesedi's disappearance has affected us and caused a division amongst the family that I didn't know was even possible. We haven't spoken to baba in months, he separated with Ntombi and he now lives full time at KwaDukuza.

Nizenande no longer asks about her as much as he used to and I'm glad, it's bad enough his mother, who I now suspect was the love of my life passed on.
Nizenande genuinely believes Lesedi was his mother, and he speaks of her so kindly. I wanted it for him too, he deserved a mother like Lesedi

When Amanda left Nizenande with Lesedi, some kind of relief washed over me.
I felt more comfortable with Nizenande being with Lesedi than I did about him being with Amanda
I even ignored Lesedi's texts to see how she and him would interact and as expected Nizenande loved her
When we finally got reunited in Mpumalanga, he couldn't stop talking about her, they were together for no more than 24 hours but he spoke of her as if it was some kind of adventure
Apparently they meditated, met a woman with a car kitchen and he introduced Lesedi to good music

In Mpumalanga, Lesedi and Amanda walked into lunch almost at the same time but Nizenande screamed and got excited for Lesedi instead of Amanda whom he's known longer
That bothered me a lot and resentment doesn't come close to how I felt about my marriage.
Lesedi's presence made me realise that beyond fucking up in my marriage, I had no business getting married to begin with

Above all else Nizenande reminds me of his mother, he's proof of my love for her and I just want him happy and well taken care of at all times. Amanda failed to be that for him, sure I understood at first because I had fucked up but 3 years later, the fight/arguement about it had gotten old and I grew resentful of Amanda

I love my other children but they're sheltered and have the love of both parents unlike Nizenande whom if I'm being honest, didn't even get my undivided attention before Lesedi

So much of the trust I had in Lesedi was because she felt wholesome, like Nizenande's mother did. I don't know how else to explain it
Amanda had forgiven and accepted my infidelity but hated me more when she found out his name (Nizenande) which is loosely translated to I hope they will multiply.

It's the name his mother gave him but Amanda must have felt it was me saying I hope I have more children outside of our marriage.
As it is, the 4 I have is overwhelming and I find myself missing the life we all shared a year ago. Lesedi brought us together in a way I didn't think possible because we were doing just fine before she came along.

I find myself missing Peanut's mother more and more after knowing Lesedi
I knew no good would come out of Lesedi dating or marrying a Mzimela that's why I set her up with Nathi.
Ideally I would have loved for her to remain a family friend or employee than my brother's wife. I knew something fucked up would happen and sure enough it did

I had no idea Nathi was the scum that he is and I genuinely believe in the Mzimela and Gumbi pact
They were forces at play when Peanut was born, I could feel it in the air
The older I got the more I realised Siseko his mother was my chosen one, I know for a fact I got married too soon to the wrong woman
Shortly after Siseko passed after labour our cousin Cindy passed away from a car crush
I met Siseko through Cindy, there were friends from Uni, with this protector and confidant nonsense, it's hard to look at things as just a coincidence.
Siseko fell pregnant 8 months into our affair, I don't know how it is but we the Mzimelas have a neck for knocking up the chosen one in record time because she had a contraception in when it happened