100 days Girlfriend Privilege (Lesbian Story)

Seeking Refuge

When the mind is clouded with emotions that it cannot decipher, the heart seeks refuge.

--

I was staring at Ken. It was the same pretty face that once seek for my attention. It was the same pretty face I admired the most. It was the same pretty face that completes my every day. It was the same pretty face--But why it doesn't feel the same at all?

My mind says nothing has changed with her but my heart whispers there are a lot of changes I couldn't catch up with. It was her own changes. Changes in her--Changes that she choose. How could these changes be unseen by the naked eyes? How could these changes happened without me knowing when i'm always at her side?

"Are you okay?" Ken asked as her eyes are still fixed on the road.

"Yep!" I even nod in agreement.

And just like these past few days, she just shut her mouth, which is not her kind. It was very rare for her to be silent. Kristen Campbell loves attention. She will always try to get my attention to focus on her whether by telling stories she made up herself or by just cracking a corny joke just to break the ice. That's why her silence is really bugging me.

What's wrong with her?

I just stay there-- staring on her and suddenly, i caught the glimpse of guilt at the corner of her eyes. Why would she be guilty? Is there anything she would be guilty about?

Sheesh, is she in love with someone else? But to whom will she be in love with? Is it with Wade? .. Or is it Mandy?

I immmediately felt the pang of jealousy at that thought. I just couldn't help feeling that way. I guess this is what love makes me. I really want Ken just to be mine and mine alone.

But I can't..

She is not mine..

She never was..

And she never will..

But why would she be guilty?

The game!!

I know I should not feel this way. I should be mad at her for pulling a game like this but i can't feel that. I love her and if this is the only way that i can have her, so be it.

I gently reached for her arms and caressed it affectionately. I want to silently tell her that whatever it is, she could always trust me not to hate her. I love her too much to hate her. They say that there's a thin line between love and hatred---but why my love for her justifies her wrongdoings? It always tries to seek forgiveness in everything even no apologies are uttered. Why?

Ken glanced my way and gave me a forced smile.

"Are you okay?" I asked in a soothing voice.

Ken glance on the road and then look at me again as she slowly nod her head.

"Yep, there's nothing to worry about." She says but her eyes tell the opposite.

"Okay."

"Hey, i'm really telling the truth. I'm fine. " She insists.

I just gave her a smirk. Why guilty ones always sounds defensive?

"If you say so."

Ken took a deep breath and sigh. She looks bothered really.

"R-Rain?"

"Yes?"

"What if.. Just I what if okay?" She says giving emphasis on Just What If . I just nod.