Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

72. Forgiveness

TW: mentions of (s3xual) trauma and homophobia

In the following days, Peter was spending every minute of the day trying to remember everything. Thursday night, he was unable to sleep again. The hay, the hay... He remembered the smell, caught a glimpse of it in his memories of that night. Laughing with John, John walking away. But when did Robin come? And what happened?

It was then that the moment flashed through his mind. Lips atop of his. It was just a flash, but unmistakable. Lips moving against each other, the smell of hay. It was Robin, definitely, and it was that night. So it had happened, as he thought it had. But he couldn't remember the events leading up to it, Robin's reaction. He thought he felt Robin's hands on his back, but the moment was too short to actually be sure.

So then, he tried to remember more, but it didn't work. He groaned, pulling at his hair in despair. Why couldn't he remember? Why did he drink that much? What on earth was keeping Robin away from him right now?

On Saturday, he was at his wit's end and needed to talk to someone. He wanted to call his mom, but before he had the chance to, an unknown number appeared on his screen. He picked up. 'Yes?'

'Hi.' He instantly recognized the voice on the other end of the line, fear clogging his mind again.

'It's Richard. Can- can we talk?'

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Feeling it might be a long afternoon, Peter dropped the kids off at Mrs Robinson's. 'Richard?' she said in shock upon hearing who he was meeting. 'That son of a-'

'Shh,' Peter quickly shushed her. 'He's a grown man now. I'm sure it'll be fine.'

'Sure,' she said. 'But just be careful. I can still remember that day when you came home from the farm, looking all-' She sighed. 'Just be careful.'

'I will,' Peter said.

He heard his own heartbeat as he approached the door to open it, but he didn't let his fear stop him. He opened the door, revealing Richard on his doorstep, smiling sheepishly. 'Long time no see.'

'Yeah,' Peter said, stepping aside. 'Come in. Do you still like your coffee black?'

'Yeah.' Richard seemed surprised that Peter remembered, not upset. That was a good sign, right? Hopefully it was.

Peter prepared the coffee, tapping on the counter anxiously as he waited for the machine to finish.

He returned to the living room with two mugs, handed one to Richard who had taken a seat. 'Thanks,' the latter said. He was not making eye contact.

After a few sips - Peter burnt his tongue actually - he put down his mug and looked at Richard. 'So, um...'

'Yeah.' Richard put down his mug. 'I- I came to apologize.'

'Oh,' Peter said. That was straightforward.

'Yeah. I mean, I've wanted to do that for a while now, but I think I just needed a little push. What I did to you... I never should've done that. You didn't deserve it.'

'Right,' Peter said. 'You went a bit too far, but I understand. I shouldn't have kissed you.'

Richard shook his head. 'Okay, maybe, but... you weren't wrong.'

'I- wrong about what?' Peter asked.

'After you did that, you said you thought I felt the same. You know, before I- well- Anyway, I've been thinking about it in the past few years. Especially since Robin- well, it doesn't matter how, but I know now that the reason why I overreacted... it scared me. Because I think that deep down... I knew you were right. I should've never reacted like that and I don't expect you to forgive me, but I just wanted you to know that it had nothing to do with you or the kiss itself.'

Peter leaned back, closed his eyes and let out a sigh, remembering that afternoon. Richard lying on his back, Peter leaning over him. The smile on Richard's lips as they stared into each other's eyes. Everything seemed perfect when Peter leaned in to kiss him, but little did he know that kiss would ruin everything that had ever existed between them.

'But... why?' He asked. 'I mean, where did that homophobia come from? You have such a supportive family. They would love you no matter what.'

'Yeah, I know, but it was not about that,' Richard said. 'When I was eight... I saw something traumatic.'

'Oh god.' Peter gasped softly. 'I- I'm so sorry.'

'Well yeah, you had no idea, of course. Well, I'm sure you remember the old Sylvester.'

Peter nodded. 'Of course.' He had plenty of talks with the old man before he retired. He was a man of many stories, but thinking back on it, Richard had never really cared for him much. Or for the ranch. He had always wanted to leave as soon as he could.

'Well... one day, I heard... strange noises, behind the barn. So I went to check it out and I found... him, and my dad. They were... doing it.'

Peter gasped. 'But they were both...'

'Married. Yeah. My mom was the first one I thought about when I saw it. They didn't see me, I hid, but I never told anyone. I was too scared it would hurt my mom and John, so I just... kept everything to myself, for years. I caught them more than once, but repressed everything deep within myself. I was so... angry. At dad, for betraying my mom. At Sylvester, for stealing my dad. And because I was so mad, I thought that what they were doing was disgusting. Just because they were gay, I turned my back on the entire community. I never wanted to be like them. So when these conflicting feelings for you started to grow, I... repressed them. I pushed my feelings back all the time, but still I- I couldn't hide them from you, you looked right through me. And then you kissed me, and- well, the rest is history.'

'Sh*t,' Peter whispered. 'I- I had no idea you felt that way. And I'm so sorry. No one should have to witness that, let alone carry a burden like that at such a young age.'

'Yeah.' Richard seemed like he was holding back tears. 'I-I've repressed it for years, even after the kiss. The first person I told was Harper, a couple years ago, after dad died. I had conflicting feelings back then and I knew I needed to talk. So I did, and not much later, I told John. But John already knew, as did my mom. It turned out my mom had known way before I did. We had both been repressing it without knowing the other knew. But yeah, talking about it helped. It took me years to process it all though, but I think I have finally reached a point where it doesn't... hurt anymore, and I've finally come to terms with my bisexuality.'

'That's really good to hear,' Peter said. 'It must've been so hard for you.'

Richard smiled sadly. 'I know what I did has been hard for you too, though,' he said.

'Yeah,' Peter said. 'It did. You were my first love and also my only friend. I lost both on that day. I got John after that, but I struggled a lot with it when I fell for Leah. I was scared of getting hurt again, even after she confessed. But she broke through my shell and healed my heart from the inside. It's all in the past now. And I'm so grateful that you came here, even after all those years, and told me your story. I forgive you, Rich.'

'Thank you so much,' Richard said, wiping away a stray tear. 'You have no idea how much that means to me.'

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Whoop whoop how many of y'all saw that coming? Also, I know there's not that much information in this chapter. The full story will be later hihi.

Anygays, I just returned from my city trip a few days ago. It was so much fun and I saw so many amazing cities. Y'all are probably gonna see a lot of city trip photo's in the next chapters.

AARGH ALSO THE SONGS FROM THE MIRACULOUS MOVIE GOT DROPPED MY LIFE IS PERFECTTTT I HAVE HARDLY LISTENED TO ANYTHING ELSE SINCE I DISCOVERED LAST WEEK IT IS SO GOOD ESPECIALLY THIS SONG OMGGGGGGGG