Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

92. No regrets

Robin's POV

'Why did you do that?' Robin asked Alexander when the door shut behind them.

'Do what?' Alexander asked innocently.

'Forcing Peter and me together. I asked you to go with me so I didn't have to be with him all the time, but you... you betrayed me!'

Alexander grinned. 'Well, seems like it worked out, didn't it?'

'No, it's even worse now!' Robin sighs dramatically, dropping face forward onto the couch.

'You were literally glowing when you came out of that ferris wheel. What happened?'

'Well, I confessed. But it was not supposed to be like this, not right now.'

'Why not?'

'Because... because it's too early. Sure, I'm in love with him, it was the truth, but I'm afraid that now... he expects more of me, and, and-'

'You're overthinking again.' Alexander sat on the floor next to him and put his hand on Robin's shoulder. 'Robbie, you know perfectly well Peter would never force you to do anything you're not ready for. And I'm also sure he knows that feelings don't equal consent.'

'It's- it's not just that,' Robin said. 'I know he wouldn't, but now that I've said my feelings out loud... usually people start dating after that, like officially. He will become my boyfriend and I'll have to move back in with him...'

'Don't you want to?'

'No! I mean, yes, I do want to, eventually, but right now... I just don't know what I want right now. I haven't figured it out exactly yet. And I wanted to do that before- before giving him my word. I don't have all the answers he expects of me right now. I should've thought this through. This is all way too soon.'

'I get what you mean,' Alexander said, 'but I still think you're overthinking too much. No one is expecting you to have all of that perfectly figured out. The only thing that's changed by your confession is that you now share these questions with Peter, and you can find the answers together instead of on your own. I'm sure he'll be more than happy to help you.'

'Yeah, but I've given him hope. What if I, like, relapse or something? What if I push him away again? It's bound to hurt even more now.'

'You won't, Robin. I know you won't. And if you do, you'll come here and I'll talk some common sense in you again. You've come way too far to go back now.'

'I know,' Robin sighed. 'And that's exactly what scares me.'

Alex sighed as well. They sat in silence for a while.

'I'm sorry,' Robin eventually said.

'For what?'

'I know I complain way too much. You are separated from your lover, knowing you won't be able to hold him for at least another seven years. Yet I have love within my reach, but won't grab it. It's probably so frustrating to you.'

Alexander shook his head. 'You need time. I get that. Pilsang and I were hesitant about our love for a long time. After our first kiss, we didn't immediately start dating either. We tried to ignore our feelings for months, but it just didn't work. We were constantly drawn to each other, but also terrified what would happen if people found out. But in the end we realised that our love outweighed what the world might think of us. We could not hide from each other anymore. We needed each other. And there was nothing bad about the love between us. We decided to follow the direction our hearts pulled us in and I have never ever regretted it, not even for one second. Even now that I have lost almost everything, I wouldn't want to turn back time. I wouldn't want to change anything, because looking back, I treasure every single moment we spent together deeply. The only thing I regret is thinking too much, because if I didn't, I could have spent even more valuable time with him.'