Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

75. Bound to break his heart

Robin's POV (flashback)

John returned on his own, without Peter. Robin was about to ask him, but John was ahead of him. 'He's at the haystack.' His voice was slurry, he was definitely drunk. Robin knew Peter had a bad alcohol tolerance, the older had told him. If John was already like this, Peter must be absolutely wasted.

With a sigh, he put on his coat and shoes and left for the barn. He found Peter at the same spot, leaning against the hay. There were multiple empty bottles and cans scattered around him. 

Peter noticed Robin right away and his eyes lit up. 'You're here!'

'Yep, and I already regret it.' Robin pulled himself on top of the hay, next to Peter. 'You drank a lot.'

'Just tonight,' Peter slurred. His face was flushed, his eyes droopy. He took off his glasses for some reason and would have dropped them on the floor if Robin didn't quickly take them from him. He quickly put them away in a safer place. 'Geez, you're really wasted.'

'I'm not,' Peter said.

'That's what drunk people say.'

Peter snorted. 'Wiseass.'

Robin decided not to reply to that. And he didn't have to, because all of a sudden, Peter seemed to remember something. He frowned and squinted his eyes at Robin. It looked funny. 'What is it?' Robin asked. 

'I... need to talk to you.'

Robin frowned. He sounded really serious all of a sudden. 'About what?'

'About...' Peter zoned out again and fell silent. He was straight up staring into Robin's eyes. 'Wow... your eyes.' He leaned in to examine them more closely. 'There's a little green... in there.'

'There is?' Robin had never even paid attention to his eyes that closely.

'Yeah.' Without any warning, Peter grabbed the back of Robin's head and pulled his face way too close to his own to get an even closer look. Their foreheads were almost touching, but Peter was only focused on Robin's eyes. 'Beautiful,' he muttered.

Robin felt a little bit uncomfortable, but only a bit, as he found himself lost in Peter's eyes as well. They were warm brown, with specks of green in them. Robin had never noticed the specks before, since they hadn't really been this close before. Okay, except for a few times these last weeks. Why was countryside Peter like this?

He tried to pull away, but Peter's grip on him was unexpectedly tight. So instead, Robin closed his eyes. 'Okay, you've seen enough.'

There was no reply. Though his forehead stopped touching Robin's, his hand remained in place. Carefully, Robin opened one eye, only to find that Peter had shifted his gaze downwards, and was now examining his lips. Oh no, not that again! Whenever he did that, Robin was physically unable to pull away. Even now, as Peter lifted his other hand and touched Robin's lower lip with his thumb, slowly sliding from left to right. It sent a shiver down Robin's spine, but he didn't move. It was just so...

No. Think, Robin, think!

'Um, didn't you say you wanted to talk to me? Is there anything you wanted to tell me?' he quickly tried to redirect Peter's attention.

'Ah, yeah.' Finally, Peter leaned back, but his gaze remained on Robin's lips. 

'I am not a coward.' He said it quietly, but Robin heard him. Still, he was confused. 'Hm?'

Peter's gaze fluttered up again, he looked at Robin directly now. 'I am not a coward,' he repeated, more clearly now. 'I may be dumb and a crybaby, but I don't run away from my feelings.'

'Huh?' Now Robin was even more confused. What feelings? And why was Peter looking at him like that. As if... as if...

'You said...' Peter fell silent for a second, trying to remember what he was going to say. 'You said: "Try me."'

'When did I-' Then, Robin remembered. But it was too late, for Peter's lips were already touching his.

His mind went blank at first. He wasn't thinking straight, he wasn't thinking at all. He didn't even freeze, but he was not in control either. It was like his body was on autopilot, because he found himself kissing Peter back. He even got into it. His arms slid around Peter's torso and he buried his right hand in the older's hair, kissing him back passionately. 

It felt great. It felt perfect. Everything was-

No. Everything was not perfect. Suddenly, he returned to his senses and reality hit him like a truck. What was he doing? Kissing Peter? Kissing the man he worked for, the father of the kids he took care of? And not just that, also one of the friends he valued the most? No. No, this couldn't be happening. They were friends. This would ruin their friendship. Robin didn't want a relationship. Robin didn't want to kiss anyone. He didn't want to fall in love all over again, to get so attached to someone again, to get hurt again. No, he shouldn't get his hopes up, this could never work. Nothing good would come out of this. This was a stupid drunk mistake from Peter's side and from Robin's side, it was a horrible mistake to actually go with it.

He pulled away, panting, panic coursing through his veins as he stared at Peter in shock. 'Why would you do that?' he asked, feeling like his eyes were burning. 'Why?'

'Isn't it obvious?' Peter asked in confusion. 'All this time, you haven't noticed anything?'

'We're friends,' Robin said. 'We're just very good friends, right?'

Peter stayed awfully quiet, avoiding his gaze.

'Right?' Robin repeated, feeling his anxiety increasing.

'What if...' Peter asked quietly. 'What if I want you to be more than that?'

No. No. 'You're drunk,' Robin said, finding the bottle of Valium in his box and clutching it tightly. 'You're confused.'

'I was confused,' Peter said, 'but not anymore. I like you. I like you so much that I want to marry you.'

Robin shook his head. 'N-No, I can't- we can't- I'm-'

'What's wrong?' Peter frowned, his eyes filled with concern. Seeing that expression just hurt Robin even more. 'Everything!' he exploded. 'How can you say something like that! Why would you even like me, I'm just- And I can't- And you're so- oh my god.' He could not keep it together anymore. Covering his face with his arm, he sobbed, while shaking his head. What a mess, what a terrible mess.

He felt Peter's arm around him. 'I'm sorry.' His voice sounded stifled. 'I- I don't understand, but I'm sorry.'

Robin didn't even have the energy to push him away anymore. He just let himself be held like that. 

After a while, Peter started to get heavy. Robin's sobs had turned into silent tears now, and he pushed Peter away again. Peter looked at him drowsily and frowned again. 'Why are you crying? What's wrong?'

God, he was so drunk. He couldn't even remember the words he just said. The words that had completely destroyed the happy world Robin had created in his head. The world where Peter, Robin, Felicia and David were a happy, little family together. It used to be so peaceful, but now Robin could never look at it the same anymore. Peter had feelings for him. For any other person, this would have seemed perfect, but to Robin it was a nightmare, because he knew he would never, ever be able to love Peter back. Not like that. Not again.

He was bound to break Peter's heart.

____________________________________

The way I had this chapter ready since the last update- muhahaha I hope it was a fun wait y'all

I need therapy after this chapter.