Sometimes Hate is Enough

Chapter 04

Arnav

I stood in the moonlight with my hands stuffed in my pocket while my mind was as blank as... I don't know how to explain it...without tearing myself open. Since I didn't know how I was actually feeling, I...had no idea why I was feeling like that. Why was a very deep ache growing inside me? It... almost felt like physical pain. Like...I was growing sick from the inside. And I had already taken some medication as a precaution to minimize whatever sickness was growing. But...It didn't help. It's just... growing and growing and...

A knock sounded on my door, but I didn't turn. I just... stood there, completely still. I felt like an entirely different creature in my own skin. In my own mind.

I didn't hear the door open or close. Maybe because I was too deep in my thoughts. But I was aware that I was no longer alone.

"I would like to talk." Nani's firm voice sounded clearly from behind. I swallowed dryly as I slowly nodded my head without looking back. I knew this was coming. Better get done with it.

I turned to face Nani and found her standing near the threshold of the sliding door.

"Why did you do that?"

"What?" I asked dryly, even though I was aware of what she was asking about, and stared blankly at the wall behind her.

"Don't try to act smart with me. You know exactly what I am talking about." She snapped back as her eyes slightly narrowed while her brows knitted in the center.

I kept staring at the wall for another long second before finally looking at her in the eyes and saying, "I did exactly what I thought was good for the family." Then I again shifted my gaze to stare at the wall behind her. Since when did I start to feel guilty when I knew I had done the right thing for my family?

"And exactly what good did you do...by breaking your brother's wedding?" I closed my eyes as she said it. I never wanted for that to happen. It was never...

"And why did you want to marry Khushi Bitiya?" She asked after a moment.

"Why don't you just leave Anjali Ji?"

I inhaled through my nose as I heard her voice and let out a controlled breath before opening my eyes and saying, "You don't need to know the reason. But rest assured that all I'm doing is for the family."

I heard her sigh, followed by light footsteps moving nearby. I almost thought that she got her hint and finally left me alone until she spoke up from my left in a more calm and controlled voice.

"I know you worry about the family. But you're not doing us a favor by keeping the reason solely to yourself. In fact... you're doing quite the opposite." She paused. "Did you really threaten to call off the wedding?"

I clenched my jaws hard before answering, "I did. But..."

"And does that somehow involve Anjali Bitiya?" She asked in the same clipped voice, and I turned to look at her while she stared at the pool.

"What made you think that?" I asked after turning my head back as I felt my brows tugging together in the center.

"You might care for the family, Chote. But I know you will never hesitate, even for a second, if you have to choose between the family and Anjali Bitiya." She said this as I saw her turn to face me from the corner of my eyes.

I pressed my tongue against the wall of my cheek while I took a moment to let her words sink in. Because she was right. I wouldn't hesitate to abandon the family if it meant Di's happiness or safety.

"Don't worry. I can handle it." I could feel her soft look turning into a glare, but I stood my ground.

"How can I not worry when you're handling things?"

I turned to face her as she finished, but she wasn't actually finished.

"I need you to tell me the reason, Chote. At least for once in your life, listen to your elders." She added as she walked past me and sat on the nearest chair by the pool.

Inhaling deeply through my mouth, I turned to find her already staring at me while waiting for an answer. Why is she so stubborn? Why can't she just listen to me when I say I'll handle it?

"Nani... I won't say this again. I will handle..." I spoke through my teeth.

"Would you only say it if I bring Anjali Bitiya here?" She cut in while a single thin brow rose in question.

I stared at her while I clenched and unclenched my fist before turning away from her and closing my eyes while breathing heavily. After some quiet moments, I finally felt a little calm and turned to face Nani, who was now looking at the pool water.

"Khushi is having an affair with Shyam." I spoke up before I could have a second thought. And I felt the same disgust running through me when I first saw Khushi in his arms at the terrace.

Nani's head turned to me sharply before she stood, took a step toward me, and said, "Have you lost your mind?... Do you even know what you're saying?"

I swallowed dryly as their words continued to echo in my ears and said, "I...saw them... Together. Khushi even asked him to divorce Di. And he agreed without a single moment of hesitation."

I inhaled deeply as rage started to blur my thoughts, and I felt my body warming up with anger.

"Damad Ji loves Anjani Bitiya. He...he will never do that." She said this before I turned to face her again.

"He admitted it. I have confronted him." I said through my teeth as my voice rose and shook with fury. "That son of a bitch doesn't even regret what he did."

Nani slowly shook her head, then suddenly turned to me and looked me in the eyes before asking, "Did you...ask Khushi Bitiya?" Her eyes searched in mine as I stared at her with disbelief.

"Nani. I saw it."

"You didn't ask, did you?" She answered her own question as she stared at me.

I turned my gaze away from her and looked at the nearest plant because I didn't want to hear her bullshit about how big a saint Khushi is. I know what I saw... And I saw them together. Hugging eachother.

"

That's why you wanted to marry her. So that Dama... Shyam can't." Nani stated after some time, which felt like a while. "But... you like her."

My head turned to look at her before I could stop. And I found her already looking at me with her brows pulled together in the middle. I couldn't tell if she was confused or disappointed.

I opened my mouth to say something, or at least... deny the statement, but nothing came out as I stared at her with, I don't know, shock... confusion.

"We had thought that we would talk to you both after tomorrow morning's rituals. But..." She said this after she noticed the look on my face.

"We?" My brows pulled together.

"Me and Anjali Bitiya. She..." She explained.

"Di also knew?" I asked because I couldn't believe my ears.

"She was the one who noticed the changes between you two..."

I turned my back on her and pushed my hands through my hair as I tried to stop hearing her, because this is not something I want to hear right now. Or ever... At least not after what I saw.

"I have to do something. I can't let him or her... hurt Di like that." I interrupted before turning back to face Nani, who stared at me like I was saying something wrong or something beyond her understanding. "What?"

She opened her mouth to say something but closed it soon after and slowly nodded while turning to the pool.

"Yes. You're right. We... should do something." She agreed but stared at a distance, distracted.