Sometimes Hate is Enough

Chapter 13

Arnav

It's been 8 days since my unsuccessful conversation with Akash, 7 days since Shyam got arrested, and almost 10 days since the wedding. And apart from all this, I have been trying to talk to Di, but she is lost in her own misery. I also tried to talk to Nani, but she wasn't interested in listening to anything I had to say. And there was no use in talking to Mama and Mami. So I was sitting in the dark living room for the last two hours with my laptop on my lap and zero intention of being productive.

I stared at the pale wall opposite me while my fingers slowly drummed on the laptop keypad.

Did I have any other options back then? No. Was using Akash and Payal's wedding as pawns a bad move? Yes. But was I entirely wrong? No.

I sighed as I remembered that night again. How can I be so blind? Why did I just confront Shyam? Why didn't I do the same with Khushi?... Things would have been so different if I only had.

I felt a weird kind of aching sensation building inside of me. It feels like someone or something is trying to squeeze my insides out of me. Or poking me with something sharp—sharp enough to wound or draw blood. I breathed deeply and closed my eyes to concentrate on my breathing. But it wasn't helping. I... I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like someone was holding me tightly by my throat.

I wiped the beading sweat forming on my forehead with a hand, then tried to breathe through my mouth. But with every breath I took, I felt like my lungs couldn't get enough. I wasn't getting enough. But then I heard it. I heard it, and I felt myself growing completely still. I couldn't believe my ears, but soon I heard it again. The sound of her anklets. The little jingling of metal balls attached to it was making it sound like... chum-chum-chum... with every step she took.

I opened my eyes, stood up, and started to look around. I tried to search for where this sound was coming from. But I found nothing. I waited... I waited for the sound again. But I couldn't hear it. I...

"Chote?" Di's voice came from somewhere I couldn't locate since all I wanted to hear was that sound. I looked around the living room, and I saw everything but not what I wanted to see.

When she called my name again, I finally forced myself to look at her. She was climbing down the stairs with a worried expression on her face, while her eyes were puffed with all the crying she had been doing for the past few days. I walked up to the end of the stairs and helped her to the sitting area. Once she was settled, I also occupied my former seat before grabbing my laptop and finally looking at the screen for the first time tonight.

I had typed all kinds of words, numbers, and signs present on the keypad of my laptop on a document that I was only supposed to read and give a digital signature. I sighed through my mouth as my shoulders slumped down before I started to delete all the unnecessary things.

"Chote, are you alright?" Di asked as she shifted a little in her seat. I took a small glimpse at her from the corner of my eye before nodding. Chum... I closed my eyes at the sound for a second before reopening them.

"Are you.." She started, but something made her look over my shoulder before she added, "Akash?... Come. Sit with us."

I felt myself stiffening a little in his presence, but I didn't show it and continued to delete. He sat down on a sofa opposite Di, which was also on my left.

I heard them talk about random things, but soon they stopped to talk about the night of the wedding. I pressed the buttons with more pressure than necessary while making it sound loud.

"But didn't Chote like Khushi Ji?" I snapped my head at Di as soon as the words reached my ears. She was staring at Akash. I then turned to him, only to find him looking at me with raised brows and a shock completely visible on his face and features.

I clenched my jaws as I looked down at the document for a second before I again started to delete word by word.

"Don't talk nonsense, Di." I said through my teeth as I continued to stare at the screen without blinking, which made my vision slowly go blurry. Chum...

"But.." Di started again, but before I could ask her to drop it, Akash interrupted.

"Di, leave it." His voice was soft. I swallowed, as I felt a little bad for behaving with her like that, but I didn't want to talk about it. At least not in front of Akash, whose wedding broke because of me. Because of my... Chum... My head moved a little in the direction the sound came from, and I felt my eyes shut as soon as I heard it. She's not here. It's all in my head... She's not here.

"...alked to Payal Ji since then?" I opened my eyes as I again heard Di's voice, but I didn't look at any of them.

"I... have tried calling, but... she didn't pick up." Akash quietly answered.

"Don't worry, we'll..." Di tried.

"I'm sorry." The words blurted out of my mouth before I could even realize what I was doing. Chum...

The room fell completely silent as the sound started to grow louder and louder, and I couldn't even hear my own thoughts. I took a short glance at Akash before I looked at the laptop screen and started tapping on random keys.

"I'm still not entirely convinced that what I did was completely wrong. But... I do owe you an apology." I hurriedly added. Chum... My head moved in the direction of the sound again before I could stop it.

"It's.." His face was completely wrapped in shock, with his eyes slightly wide. "Thank you."

I nodded stiffly, but I was suddenly feeling better. The tightness around the throat and chest felt a lot lighter. I stared at my laptop for a few seconds, then closed the document without saving it and again opened the file that Aman had originally sent and signed it.

Chum... This time, the sound didn't make me feel anxious. Instead, it felt good to hear it. I felt... calm.