I heard coughing and felt the body underneath my head jolting. When the realization that I fell asleep on Demi kicked in, I immediately sat upright and pressed the buzzer that called the nurse.
Four nurses came rushing in and gently pulled me away from the bed as they removed tubes and cords from Demi's weak body.
After doing so, one of the shorter nurses came over to me smiling. "She's awake."
I was taken back in shock wondering if I had heard her right or if I was still asleep and dreaming. "Am I awake?" I blurted out.
She laughed and heat rose to my cheeks. I was slightly embarrassed that I had asked such a silly question. "Yes, you're awake. And so is she." She turned to Demi and nodded in her direction.
Without another word, I ran over to Demi's side and grabbed her hands tightly. "Dee, can you hear me?"
"Sel." She croaked out.
Tears started to gush from my eyes as I held onto her body tightly. "You're back."
I felt a weak squeeze around my body followed by a whisper in my ear. "I never left."
"You almost did, Dems. You almost fucking left me." I whimpered.
"But I didn't." Her voice was hoarse. "And Sel?"
I pulled back to look at her. "Yeah, Dems?"
"You suck at singing." She managed to giggle slightly.
I, on the other hand, laughed so loud I was almost sure that everyone in this ward would hear me. I just hugged her tightly again. Demi was back. My heart was back. "I'm so glad you didn't die."
"Sel."
"Yeah?"
"I love you too, so much."
I leant in and kissed her softly on the lips. They were dry and pale but they were heaven. "I love you so much, Dee. I really do."
Without so much as a breath, she pulled my face towards hers and kissed my lips again. It took my breath away. She took my breath away.
I pulled away from her and a stray tear slid down my cheek but Demi was quick to wipe it away. "No more tears, goober."
I scoffed at the name. "They're happy tears."
She smiled at me. "I'm sorry."
"You scared me half to death, Demi! If you had of gone, I would have followed."
Her eyes looked away from mine and toward the window to her right. "Don't say that."
"I can't be without you."
"You've lived without me before, you could do it again."
"If you love me, don't make me do that."
"Sel." A tear trickled down her cheek.
"No Demi. You can't. You fucking can't. Don't. Please. Promise me!"
She was silent.
"Demi, promise me!"
"I promise."
~
"Unfortunately because this was a suicide attempt, we can't just release you and let you go home. We might have to keep you in here for another three or so days to monitor you and then you will more than likely be transported to a rehab facility."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing come out of the doctors mouth. I knew this would happen but I certainly didn't prepare myself for it. I had been wishing for some kind of miracle and that Demi would be able to come home with me where I could look after her.
Demi just nodded at him. I don't think she had processed what had just been said. How could she be so calm? I could barely spend a minute away from her and who knows how long I'd have to be away from her now.
"Can't she just come home with me and I can take care of her?" I asked desperately.
The doctor shot me a sympathetic look and shook his head. "I'm sorry. If it were up to me, I would have that happen because I know you wouldn't take your eyes off her but it's not up to me."
I nodded, understanding that this would be what was best for her anyway.
The doctor looked at Demi. "You're lucky to have someone like Selena. She rarely left your side." He smiled before he walked out.
Demi turned and smiled her big bright smile at me. "You really didn't leave?
"I couldn't. I only left to eat and go to the bathroom."
"Come here."
I walked over and sat next to her on her hospital bed. She grabbed my hand tightly in hers and used her thumb to stroke the top of it.
~
Demi and I stayed holding hands, not saying anything for a good while. I was appreciating her heartbeat even if she wasn't.
The doctor came in and confirmed for us both what we expected so it wasn't a big shock. Demi would be in hospital for another five days, not three days, as expected, due to blood loss and poisoning in her blood from the pills and would then definitely be transferred to a rehab facility to get better for a time frame that was unknown at the time.
I was soon to find out that Demi could not be fixed. She never would be.
~
I was luckily allowed to stay in the hospital with Demi, despite her now being awake and fully alert. She kept insisting that I go home and get some proper rest and that she would be fine because there was 'no way that she could possibly hurt herself in here.' I, however, found her attempt at joking not funny at all and refused to leave her side knowing all too well that if an opportunity came along where Demi could hurt herself, she would take it without thinking twice and that wasn't a risk that I would take. So, I didn't leave. I sat there holding her hand tightly until she fell asleep.
Even then, I didn't move. I watched her sleep and took in everything about her. The way her hand would twitch, the way her chest would rise when she would inhale and the way her chest would fall when her lung would deflate. The way the sides of her mouth would twitch and the way her hair fell on her face when she would move.
I was so afraid to lose her that I was making sure that even if she were to leave this world, she would never leave my memory and I will would always remember exactly what she looked liked. Exactly who she was. That was the only thing I could control.
