Tw: Self Harm, negative thoughts ,Shitty Mommy issues content.
You don't have to read the entire chapter - it starts at the dotted line and ends at the dotted line. ❤️🩹
Josephine
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Tw : Self Harm, negative thoughts
It was so weird watching someone being chained up instead of me. They both slept so peacefully their bodies on steel chairs the walks had chains coming out of them, it was a beautiful display of the two people I hate the most well there's a shortage of a few more contests but we work with what we have.
I've been upstairs with Minne while she told me a few of her childhood stories and a few tales of her son. I don't know my mind's been absent lately I don't know whether the trauma Is finally catching up to me or I'm just tired from the lack of sleep I've been experiencing.
You always look your worst this is why no one likes you
I miss Aiden, as much as I'd like to admit it I really missed some of my brother's or all of them even though they treated me like shit. Aiden still made me feel loved and cared for in a way I never expected someone to even care for me.
He never really loved you, you're so desperate for approval it makes you delusional
And the rest well they were trying yes I still didn't trust them or particularly love them but they were likeable to some degree.
Trying? They were easing their guilt. You're nothing worth changing for
I had the weird feeling in my chest that felt like a fuzzy animal was laying on me I think I might be coming down with a virus.
It's called being delusional
Would you shut the hell up I get it
Why you know it's true.
"Joe ...hey Joe are you okay love?" minne snapped her hands infront of my eyes.
"Hm..oh yea I'm fine thanks just a bit in my head too much"I just gave her a small smile.
See you make others sad because you always look like a wet puppy.
"If you wanna talk I'm here for you, I know you don't necessarily trust me but I wouldn't do anything to break your trust after everything you've done for me. I want you to know I'm grateful but I choose to be your friend not because of what you've done for me but because I know your heart as pure as it is, you still bleed from wounds in your heart and mind that haven't been tended to. " Her words would have made me cry if I didn't feel so numb.
She doesn't care about you she's pretending she feels bad for you. No one cares about someone as pathetic as you
"Thank you Minnie but I'm okay for now but if I ever need someone I know who to call. "I gave her a small smile before leaving her to go to the room I was kept in.
Look at how you bother others with your existence
I searched frantically for a blade until I found one. Climbing into the shower letting my thoughts embrace me with their negativity. For weeks on end I've been ignoring every thought but eventually the voices get louder than the people who are actually talking to you.
Stripping down my clothes and slipping into the shower letting the water hit me. I slowly sank into the floor, I thought I would cry but even though I was wet from the water trickling onto my skin was proof I knew the difference. I brought up the blade onto my thigh biting my lip as I pressed it onto my skin. The pain felt nice, almost euphoric. People will tell you self harm isn't worth it especially when they haven't done it nor been in your shoes.
Yet people rarely talk about the thrill, the surge of pure bliss that fills your mind after your first cut , the pain just turns into a happy numb. I could giggle at how physical pain numbs mental pain. Yes yes I probably need therapy,but talking to a stranger about how How I have mommy and daddy issues doesn't seem thrilling. I did a few cuts some of them were deep, watching the blood spill into the drain I sighed letting the water cleanse me for a while.
For years I've felt like I was drowning then I met the guy of my dreams the one who could save me from the darkness that kept binding me , jokes on me I was nothing but a tool for him to get ahead. I should heal myself right yea well I'll do that later. Not sure how long I stayed in there but I did end up taking a shower.
I dried my hair, and lathered my body before putting on sweats and a t-shirt.
You're drowning, you're always drowning it's annoying
I'm fine I'm always fine, I'll always be fine.
End of Tw - Self Harm
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I went down stairs down to the basement time to check on my guests.
Seeing that Jasper was still asleep and my mother sat on the chair boredly. I pulled a chair infront of them pulling the tape from their mouths. I rolled my eyes at the idiot who choose sleep over everything. Slapping him awake as she screeched like a wombat I made my way to my lovely seat.
"Josephine I am your King and your husband let me out of this thing right this instant and I won't hurt you as badly baby. "I wanted to laugh at how he thought he was in control.
"Nah I don't really feel like it bitch" my eyes moved over to the silent woman watching me.
"What's up Mommy, what not use to seeing a mirror image of your younger self?" She looked at me with tears in her eyes.
"I..I thought you died they told me you died. Baby I swear if I knew you were alive I would have come back for you. I never stopped love you and I will never stop loving you from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry. But I'm glad you've grown up to be gorgeous you've always had my genes you know"
"Are you done?"I scoffed at her pathetic tactic.
"You know I didn't want to even name you Josephine but you father choose it for you I see now that it suits you well. I wanted you to be named Amber, if I could go back in the past I would fought harder for you but I was scared. "
"Aww cute back story but it's lies we both know that."
"What do I have to do for you to believe me huh"
"Nothing because the only thing I've only wanted to do ever since I knew I had a mother is kill you."
💕❤️🩹 heyyyyy babies 🧸thank you for reading.
Yes like always this is unedited.
I know this chapter was hectic and rough but please know that you aren't alone and if you need anyone to talk to I'm here. Mental health is serious and will always be serious. 🙃I'm 3 months clean so yay to me just know that you matter and any progress is good progress even if you relapse as long as you get back up you're a star ❤️🩹
💀If y'all know any writing sites where I can earn a living please let me know 😭cost of living is ridiculous at this point.
But anyway hope y'all are getting ready for The White Dove🕊️!!!!!!
And should I make a seperate book just for poems?
I have a lot of poems, just if y'all wanna relate and stuff.
I changed my username to Leoxowrites and I made an ig account. If y'all have any ideas etc on what you wanna see let me know.
Anyway love y'all and thank you so much. 🧸🥺Y'all are the best and in proud of all you.
And Merry Christmas 🎄
Mwahh💋💋💋 𝒳ℴ𝓍ℴ
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Oh Brother
Teen FictionAll Josie has ever wanted was to be shown what love and care truly meant however instead she lived with with her abusive step father all of her life and that's all she knows She hides all her feelings with a blank face or a small smile her demons...
