Kiss me in your sleep | Minsung

4

a month passed by and it was horrible. 

any time jisung ate he felt like throwing up there and then, and seungmins' presence wasn't helping. the younger would constantly make jisung breakfast or lunch, dinner was made by minho most of the time, but still the younger would be the one talking jisung in to eat.

so there jisung was now. in their bathroom that was right beside the kitchen. they just had dinner and he ate only a few pancakes, yet there he was, throwing up. 

he hated this. he hated the fact that seungmin noticed he was eating poorly and started to take better care of the older, when he should be the one looking out for the younger. he hated the fact that minho would enter the room with an annoyed expression on his face every damn time. he hated it.

he hated the way minho would look at him in college, as if he was some kind of a monster. he hated the way his gaze made him more and more insecure day by day, and he hated those random speeding heart race moments when he saw the purpled haired boy, or when he heard him laugh. 

jisung was hurting himself yet again. he started self harming when he was in highschool, he thought that maybe his parents were right, he was unlovable and deserved it. he deserved the bullying he received back then, he deserved the glares, insults, abuse. 

so that's why he did what he knew would help him silent the demons in his head. as soon as he finished throwing up, he washed his mouth and stared at his reflection in the mirror before tearing up. 

"is everything alright in there, ji?" seungmins' voice gently echoed through the dorm and the mentioned boy yelled back a small 'yeah'. 

that evening he went back to the kitchen as if nothing had happened in that bathroom and acted normal. however, minho still noticed his red and puffy eyes, but decided not to question it as it was not his business at all.

the water was dripping slowly from the tap and he sighed as he slowly closed his eyes, laying in the bath tube full of warm water and bubbles. cigarettes after sex playing in the background, ironic, he was smoking a cig too. 

he slowly and sweetly inhaled the drug and slid under the water, holding his breath in. after a few seconds he slid back up and exhaled the smoke. 

jisung opened his eyes and sighed. moments like these made him feel at peace. his mind was quiet and he was alone too.

he decided it was enough and got out of the bath, he put on a towel around his torso and walked out, not forgetting to throw the cig out in the bin. jisung walked out with another towel in his hands, rubbing it all over his hair.

minho, who was laying on his bed and scrolling on his phone looked up and totally checked jisung out. he was so skinny. it looked as if he was eating only air or something.

"seungmin made pizza," minho said, averting his gaze back to his phone, "we left some for you in the kitchen."

jisung simply nodded and picked out some random sweats, before walking back into the bathroom.

he walked out with some baggy black sweats and a random white tee that was way too big for him. jisung walked our of the room and minho put his phone down. he found jisung interesting, the boy rarely spoke and when he spoke it was mostly insults, directed to minho.

jisung placed the pizza into a small box and made his way towards the door, he put on his shoes and a jacket. he texted a message to their groupchat that he is heading out for a walk and that he loved the pizza seungmin made.

as soon as he left the building and spotted a trash can he threw the box out. not even daring to touch the food that was in it. someone might need it more than him. 

the thought of even eating the pizza made him nauseous. 

jisung put his headphones on and started to walk slowly, appreciating the peace and his alone time. 

the other three roommates were all sat in the living room, discussing some stuff. "i strongly believe he had a hard past and that's why he is like that..." seungmin said worriedly.

minho seemed to think for a little, "but still, why would he throw the food out and then lie about eating it?"

yes. they saw how jisung packed it and later threw it out, because the not so smart brunette forgot to check if anyone was in the living room, that was way too close to the kitchen. seungmin was laying on the sofa in the living room mindlessly scrolling on his phone in the dark when he spotted a figure and decided to see where jisung would go when he left the building. that's when he saw the boy throwing the box out, later he went out and picked the box out, seeing his made pizza in it.

"he probably has an eating disorder." hyunjin stated and the room fell silent.

seungmin looked even more worried now, "should we... talk to him about this?"

"no wonder he was so skinny." minho mumbled, "what?" seungmin looked at him with a confused expression, "no, nothing." 

"we should probably call chan, he would know what to do and how to deal with it." hyunjin suggested, "i mean his brother, felix, also had the same issue and he would know how to spot a person that is struggling and how to help them."

with that seungmin texted another groupchat, that had minho, hyunjin, seungmin, chan, felix, their other friends jeongin and changbin in it. he made sure to add 'urgent. we need help.' so that chan would be there as soon as possible.