I woke up with cold sweats. I shot out of bed as I awoke from that horrific dream. The dream I have almost every single night. I would never be allowed to forget what I had done. I was not only a prisoner to this place.. but also to my mind.
I walked out of my room to see what time it was. I walked down the quiet, dimly lit hallway, and headed towards the clock on the wall.
I could see that it was only 5:45 in the morning. Breakfast wouldn't be for 15 minutes. I took a seat in the hallway as I waited for time to pass.
After what seemed like forever the nurses began to call everyone out of their rooms for breakfast and morning meds.
I sat quietly at the table staring down at my plate of eggs and toast. I couldn't eat anything.. I was still feeling very depressed. I didn't want to be here and I honestly didn't feel like I needed to be.
I wasn't like these people. And I definitely wasn't delusional. I could still barely believe the Dr said that. I knew I'd be seeing him again today.
Just as I was about to attempt to take a bite of my eggs, one of the nurses called my name.
"Jack!" The nurse said loudly but in a nice voice. "The Dr will see you now." She continued.
The nurse had Brown hair, which she had tied back. She wore the typical "medical standard" hospital scrubs that you would expect any nurse to wear at any hospital. Her eyes were brown, honestly they were pretty.
She was a very chipper nurse too. She wore a big smile the entire time she waited for me to get up.
I felt angered by her words. Angry about the fact that I had to sit in front of this person again where he would most likely try to tell me I was crazy. Just as he had the day prior.
Without wasting any time I pushed my plate towards the woman in front of me and walked out of the dining hall. I walked down the hallway with the nurse. She kept smiling back at me as we made our way to the Dr's office.
"How have you been Jack?" The nurse asked sweetly as we walked.
I chose not to answer her. As I knew that everything I said to her would get back to the Dr.
"You seem to be doing better." She complimented. Smiling again.
I laughed at her words... In my head of course
If only she knew how I had been feeling. If only she knew the nightmare that I had been haunted with every single night.
When we got to the Dr's office she opened the door, and let me inside.
I was once again greeted by the smiling Dr from the previous day. He watched me sit down before opening his computer....
Here we go again.
"How are we feeling today Jack?" The Dr asked in a friendly voice.
A voice far to friendly for someone who had to get up at 7 in the morning to talk to me, as well as all the other crazy people in this place.
I didn't ignore him this time.
"I'm okay" I said quietly. To my surprise he didn't begin rapidly typing after I spoke to him. Guess I didn't say anything useful.
"How is the new medication treating you" The Dr began. "Is it helping" He asked.
I felt my blood burn as he asked me the question. I then remembered the following day. How I spent that entire day feeling as if the life had been sucked straight out of me.
How the medication made me feel slower than maple syrup dripping from a tree on a cold day.
"It fucking sucks" I yelled.
