A+, meanie

Grief

Wonwoo

(TW: Self-harm)

Wonwoo wonders why he ever believed Professor Lee would actually leave him and Mingyu be throughout practice.

Currently, he's stuck in a very uncomfortable situation, unable to look at Mingyu, while Professor at the front urges the both of them get it on with the kiss. "I'm not asking you to suck each other's faces off," Professor, very unhelpfully, prods.

Wonwoo isn't sure of what he's feeling right now. He hasn't been, for the past few weeks, ever since he started working with Mingyu. Kim fucking Mingyu; the boy he hates, or so he tries to believe, because all he does is ruin his life. Especially when Wonwoo's own life revolves around being academically superior and living up to his parents' baseless expectations, it came as quite a challenge when Mingyu joined Pledis.

It's difficult for Wonwoo: he's supposed to be head-on competing with Mingyu, but he's been realising that Mingyu doesn't really care. At least not now, because he's seen Mingyu readily helping him, interrupting his own work in the process. The more time he spends with the boy, Wonwoo realises he'd been hating him for no solid reason, it's just the pressure from his parents that makes him act up towards Mingyu. Currently, Wonwoo isn't sure of what to think of the boy, but he knows for sure that he doesn't hate him anymore, it's just his cockiness that gets to him most of the times.

Gods, he loathes those lopsided smiles Mingyu sends his way after pointing out a mistake in any of his work. Wonwoo feels like clamping a palm on his stupid mouth every time he does that.

Professor interrupts his little session of realisation by a loud clap of his hands. "We don't have all day, Mr. Jeon." Without thinking much, Wonwoo bolts on his feet and exits the auditorium before anyone could process what just happened. To his shitty luck, he hears another pair of feet following him a few seconds later, as he slows down to a jog and turns towards the bathrooms. Mingyu's fucking behind him, but Wonwoo pretends he hasn't noticed him yet. "You're an asshole, you know that?" Mingyu says lowly.

"I'm sorry?"

"You're too much of a selfish brat to leave me with Professor, and everyone else being jobless as fuck, to deal with."

Wonwoo scoffs, taking slow steps towards Mingyu - who leans with his back to the counter-top in the bathroom. "I thought you were everyone's favourite, Kim. Surely you could wave your money in Professor's face to be plucked out of this shit, couldn't you?"

Without a second's hesitation, Wonwoo grabs Mingyu by the collar and pulls him nearer, so he wouldn't have to speak louder. "It's just a kiss, Wonwoo, it doesn't mean much." Mingyu growls.

Wonwoo inhales deeply, trying to not let rage get the best of him. He loosens his grip on Mingyu's now-wrinkled collar. "Fine. It doesn't mean much? Go ahead then, see for yourself whether or not it means anything." Wonwoo says, dark eyes glaring at Mingyu.

"What?"

"I said. See. For. Yourself."

Mingyu scoffs, a whiff of watermelon flavoured gum and some expensive-smelling cologne making its way to Wonwoo's face. "Wonwoo you're-"

Grunting, Wonwoo pulls Mingyu's collar again, and aggressively presses himself on him, making the taller boy splay out on the counter completely. By his body language, Wonwoo guesses Mingyu expected this, for he shows no signs of surprise, or backing away. If anything, he suddenly grabs the back of Wonwoo's head with a hand, while the other clutches at his shoulder, his breaths heaving.

Wonwoo could slap himself for moaning the slightest bit into the uncalled kiss. Mingyu disconnects their lips just then, flashing him the most smug expression. "Doesn't mean much, huh, Jeon?" His eyes darken immediately, and he pushes a regretful Wonwoo away and leaves without another word.

∿

Wonwoo doesn't leave the confines of his room for the next week. He seriously feels like dropping out, and giving up on slogging like an ass for his parents. They won't be able to do much either; Wonwoo's a legal adult, he could leave and never return again. But he won't, his mind would never let him.

Somewhere deep down, Wonwoo's well aware he's the only one his parents had left, after Somi. His grandparents had been rumoured to have disassociated themselves with his parents ever since their marriage. Wonwoo thinks so, because he's never heard his grandparents ever being mentioned; even Somi had never brought them up.

Wonwoo feels like shit, buried and forgotten in some scrapyard, and he reluctantly decides to resort to the last means to calm himself. Clambering around, Wonwoo finds a sharpener blade lying somewhere near his unkempt desk, and calmly slides it across both his wrists and arms. A sigh of relief leaves his mouth once he thinks he's done.

He realises he isn't, when he notices himself not feeling as normal as he'd like to. Bringing the tiny blade to his wrists again, Wonwoo traces over the bleeding cuts several more times. "I'm sorry, Somi..." He whispers in the still silence of his room, rolling the sleeves of his black sweatshirt down to cover his bloody arms.

He knows Somi, if she ever watches him, wouldn't like what he'd just done. If she were here, she'd shriek and cradle Wonwoo in a hug until she got his inner troubles out. Ironically, Wonwoo would have never harmed himself, had she been alive and with him.