Gay Is Bad-Ziam

Chapter 48

Zayn's P.O.V.

I've been sitting in my dark bedroom with the door and windows shut, for three days straight. In that time I've eaten one muffin, which I could barely hold down. I haven't showered, brushed my teeth, or done anything hygenical either.

It's terrifying how much pain my whole body is in. Did I even make the right decision? It feels wrong.

I'm a terrible person, I broke Liam's heart. What's even worse is that I don't want him to move on from me. The thought of him being with some other guy, laughing at some other guys jokes, and talking for hours with some other guy absolutely tears me up inside.

I angrily wipe the hot tears from my face. I just want him to come here and hold me. It's too bad he hates me now.

There's a knock at my door which I ignore, like I've been ignoring them for the last couple of days. The last thing I want to do right now is face my family.

"Zayn! Come on you're being a bit ridiculous, don't you think?" I hear Safaa say. "I'm coming in and I don't care if you're nude."

I just groan and throw the covers over my head. Sure enough, I hear the door swing open and Safaa is at my side.

"Zayn, come on. Come to the mall with me. There's plenty of pretty girls there." She says.

I feel another tear slip down my face and I don't say anything. She's so disrespectful it's almost unbelievable.

"This isn't good for you. You haven't seen the sun in days. Have you eaten any fruit or veggies lately? You're going to get sick." She scolds me and rips off my covers.

I whine and cover my head with my arms. "Safaa go away!"

She gags. "It smells like a person died in here. Get into the shower. Now."

I shake my head. "I died in here. I'm in so much pain I don't think you even understand." I mumble, rubbing my tired eyes with the palm of my hand.

"Get over it. Go shower and I'm taking you to the mall." She reminds me before finally leaving.

Instead of getting up like I was told, I bury my head into the pillow and begin crying again. I don't want to get better. I want to feel this pain for the rest of my life. I deserve it because I caused pain to my Liam.

Only seconds later, I hear another knock at the door. I groan and ignore it once again. I'm starting to get a really bad headache which is putting me in a rather bad mood.

I'm thankful to hear Waliyha's voice this time and she sits down next to me bed.

"Zayn?" She mumbles, kissing the top of my head.

I lean into her warm touch, she's the only person who makes me feel sane at the moment. Everyone else makes me sad.

"Why'd you choose this family over your Liam, idiot? You'd be so much better off with him." She coos, running her hand through my greasy hair.

My face remains emotionless as a tear escapes my eye. "I-I don't know." I mumble. "I thought I owed mum and dad. They taught me e-everything I know and made me into the person I am today."

She shakes her head, her long hair bouncing on her shoulders. "Not everything." She reminds me. "Liam taught you to be yourself and how to embrace your sexuality."

My eyes soften as her smart words hit me. "Fuck, I'm an idiot." I whisper after a few seconds.

She punches my shoulder, playfully. "Not always. This wasn't your fault. It was mums fault."

I pout and sigh. "He probably fucking hates me now."

Waliyha rolls her eyes. "Don't be stupid. He loves you. Now go shower, brush your teeth, shave, and then we can talk like adults, okay? I'm here to help you, Zayn. I really am."

I genuinely smile for the first time in the longest time. "Thank you. That means a lot knowing that someone is on my side, genuinely. I love you."

I lean forward to hug her but she pulls away. "Love you too but you have to shower before I hug you. No offense, but you smell like shit."

I bite my lip. "Okay, okay. I'm gonna do it now."

I set the water to the hottest setting and scrub my whole body. I enjoy feeling my skin burn as the hot water hits me. I shampoo my hair twice and even use my sisters conditioner which smells like coconut.

After flossing, brushing, and fixing up my hair I feel much better. Still hurting inside, but at least I'm clean.

As promised, Waliyha is waiting for me at the kitchen table. "This is for you." She says, handing me a sandwhich.

I scrunch up my nose, just the thought of food making me nauseous. "No thanks." I mumble, plopping down in the chair in front of her.

She leans forward and taps the tip of my nose, causing me to chuckle. "You think this is a joke? You haven't eaten in so long, you lost weight Zayn. This isn't okay." She scolds me.

I sigh. "Okay fine. But I might not be able to finish it."

"That's fine. Just eat something." She says and pushes the plate towards me.

I take a bite and force it down my throat. It's really not bad but I have no appetite.

After a couple of bites, I push it away and take a sip of some water.

"Good job." She says and gives me a high five. "Now tell me...what're you gonna do at the end of the summer?"

I frown. "Go back to school?"

She nods. "But...you live with Liam, right?"

My eyes widen as realization hits me. "I can just live somewhere else, right?"

She shrugs. "I don't know how it works but I'm sure you can ask."

The rest of the afternoon is spent talking to Waliyha. By the time I go to bed, I feel a lot better. I appreciate having someone to talk to although I definitely would prefer talking to my Liam.

Wait no...not my Liam anymore.