Of Parchment and Saltwater

Chapter 7

A few minutes later, Mary knocked tentatively on the door and announced that she had food for us. "Come in, Mary," I said absentmindedly. Benjamin, still in the bathtub, looked at me incredulously.
     With a small grin, I threw a blanket at him to cover himself as Mary entered, paying no attention to Benjamin's lack of clothes.
     "I brought up everything I could, and James is on his way home with the children from the market. I sent them for oranges and apples and lemons...everything on the list in that medical book under scurvy. You ought to heal in no time, Major Tallmadge. You've got the best doctor looking after you in all the colonies, that is certain."
     He nodded softly in agreement, looking longingly at the food on the table but unwilling to stand from his place in the tub. Mary caught on quickly and said, "Don't worry, love, I'm on my way out. But you should know that I have two boys."
"I'm sorry," he replied sheepishly, "two?"
"I've got a husband, don't I?" I laughed and Benjamin gave the two of us a weak smirk before she shut the door.
     "You're lucky I have problems with giving away things with memories," I said, pulling a pair of his breeches and a nightshirt from the wardrobe with a smile, "I gave away most of your clothes to William's family down the road...but not all of it."
He dried himself off and stepped into the breeches slowly, grunting in pain and collapsing on the ground.
"It's alright, it's alright," I breathed, coming to his side and helping him onto the bed, "Your fever is worsening. I've got food for you right here."
     He ate ravenously, as though he had only a few seconds before it disappeared. It certainly seemed to be so on the Jersey.
     As he ate, I shaved his beard and attempted to comb his hair, although it was a practically impossible task.
     "Have you been alright, dear Louisa?"
     Pulling the blankets up to his shoulders and taking the empty plate from his frail fingers, I pursed my lips with tears in my eyes. "I've missed you so terribly, Ben. I would have turned myself in and become a prisoner on that ship with you if I thought you were still alive. And I couldn't stop thinking," I paused to think about what I could say, "about your brother. I thought you would die like him on that ship, Benjamin. And I don't know how I survived these seven months with that thought."
     He pulled me into his arms and ran his hands through my hair, silent sobs racking his body. There was nothing either of us could say. Without words, we both knew that it had been the worst year of our lives and that we would never subject ourselves to such misery again. As if we had a choice.
     "I'm so cold, Louisa, can you start a fire in the fireplace?" He groaned, wiping cold sweat from his forehead and clenching his teeth.
     "It's the beginning of summer, Benjamin, and that will only aggravate your fever. I'll fetch more blankets if you'd like." I began to head towards the door but he grabbed my arm and held me back.
     "Don't leave," he begged in a raspy whisper, "I don't want to be alone. Stay, please."
     My face softened and I knelt beside him, tenderly tracing the marks on his chest. "I'll stay as long as you'll have me, Benjamin. Now sleep; I will work on a medicine for you."
As much as he wanted to stay awake and talk to me, he and I both knew how useless it was to keep him from rest. He was asleep within minutes.
Mary came in less than half an hour later, holding a burlap sack full of fruits. "What are you reading? I beg you not to tell me it is something political."
I smiled and closed the book, standing from my chair and accepting the bag of food. "Halfway political, halfway personal, dear Mary. You know the corsetmaker and journalist who visited here last spring?"
     "Oh yes," she replied in a whisper, "Thomas Paine?"
     "This is his pamphlet, The American Crisis, that has been sitting on my bookshelf for much too long. I helped him write a bit of it when he was an aide to Nathaniel Greene and I a nurse to his regiment. He's a dear friend."
     She smirked at me. "Everyone is a dear friend to you, Louisa. Especially if they wear a uniform."
     "Perhaps you're right about that, I must admit. Do you know if the dogwood tree outside has bloomed yet? I'd like to add it to this solution." I began dropping the cut fruit into a pot filled with water.
"I believe so...would you like me to send Lydia and Jack out? I'll bring up an ember from the kitchen fireplace so you can boil that."
I nodded and she kissed my forehead as though she were my mother. "Tell me if you need anything else; you just enjoy your time with Ben."
I thanked her and resumed working on the medicine, setting aside a few of the fruits in case the present solution didn't work. I was not at all confident in the healing abilities of this mixture but it was the only tested option for Benjamin's situation. Whether it worked or not for the fever, it would at least give him some extra nutrition.
Just then, I heard Ben stir behind me. He trembled violently, although his eyes were still closed. I tried to calm him and even awaken him but none of it worked; the fever was doing terrible things to his brain.
"It's alright," I said, my voice breaking, "Wake up, you must wake up! You're safe, Benjamin Tallmadge."
He suddenly woke with a start, eyes open wildly and his hands connecting with my jaw. Hard.
In pain, I fell back from the bed and squinted at his blank, terrified expression incredulously. I'd never seen anything like this illness before.
"What's happening?" He exclaimed, panic coming over his vacant eyes as he looked at the strange girl on the floor beside him, "Where is Nathan?"
     I stood up and came next to the bed but he shrank from my touch in fear. "Nathan?"
     "Is he on another ship? Tell me where you took him!" He yelled at me, shaking uncontrollably.
Nathan Hale, I thought, my heart sinking. He was hallucinating, that much was obvious, but my main goal was to keep him from hurting himself or me.
     "You need to go back to sleep, Benjamin. Nathan will be back in a little while," I said firmly, holding him down as he fought as hard as he could. His grunting and yelling and vicious cries turned into heart-wrenching, frustrated sobs.
"It's alright, love, just go to sleep. Nathan is fine. Just sleep."
After a few agonizing minutes for both of us, he was unconscious again and I relaxed once more, breathing hard and trying to calm my shaking hands.
I'd seen numerous cases of men with hallucinations with the army and most of them passed with no permanent effects, but I had also witnessed soldiers unable to remember their own name as a result of fever phantasms such as this. The thought terrified me but I pushed it away.
Rubbing my jaw from his accidental hit, I opened the door for Mary who was holding a small burning stick to start a fire in the hearth in the room. She looked exhausted.
"Lydia and Jack are outside picking some dogwood and rosemary for the medicine; they were thrilled to help. A few ladies have come by to see if you were alright but I said you weren't taking visitors...was that okay?"
I nodded. "Thank you; I just want to be away from them for a little while. Sift through my feelings and spend time with Benjamin, you know?"
"I know."
"Do the children want to come up and see us, Mary? You ought to invite them in here."
She raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure they won't disturb him? I don't want to-"
"Mary! They're the most well-behaved children I've ever laid eyes on! You have to bring them up."
With a sigh of resignation, she left to find them and I stirred the pot over the fire absentmindedly.
     "Louisa?"
     I jumped. Benjamin looked at me groggily, trying in vain to sit up.
     "Benjamin!" I cried, overjoyed that he knew who I was, "Stay awake, I've got some medicine for you to drink."
"I don't need any medicine. You look so beautiful today, Louise, I'm glad you're my wife."
     I looked at him quizzically. Even if he wasn't hallucinating, he seemed a little delirious. I poured the warm medicine into a tin cup and gave it to him, kneeling beside the bed and helping prop his head up.
"Louisa, dear heart, do you remember when we first met in New Haven and I invited you to a tavern?"
I nodded, unsure of where the conversation was going.
"Well," he continued softly, "Nathan Hale and I went to that tavern with his brother after we left you and got charged for vandalism. Did you know that?"
     I gasped. "Benjamin Tallmadge! What did you do?"
     He laughed hysterically, out of character for him but quite entertaining. I'd enjoy it while his fever lasted.
    "We broke some windows and destroyed-"
     "You did?"
     Ben nodded slyly and scratched his head. "I was fined the most."
     Giving him another sip of the medicine, I replied, "I always regretted not following you there but now I'm glad that I declined, Ben! If I was there, you would have marched right out of there and gone home to study if I had any say in it. If only Washington knew-"
     "He already does, Lou, thanks to Nathan! But he still promoted me, you still married me, and the Tories still captured me so I suppose the consequences were short-lived, hm?"
     I laughed at his sudden giddy eagerness and kissed him on the forehead.
     "Do you remember waking up earlier, love?" I asked, brushing hair from his face. He shook his head and tugged on my ear with a small smile. It was probably better that way.
     Just then, Lydia bounded into the room, Jack limping close behind. "Benny!" She exclaimed loudly, to Mary's dismay.
"Lydia, dear! Jack, you've grown so much...and you can walk!" Benjamin cried weakly, pulling the two of them into his arms.
Mary came beside me and put an arm around me. "I told you they'd disturb him."
I scoffed. "Nobody could disturb him. He's seems a bit out of it, I just hope he doesn't say anything strange to them."
"We picked some flowers to put in your medicine, Ben," Jack said eagerly, holding up a fistful of white dogwood plants, "Then you can feel better and I can show you some of my toys later!"
Benjamin nodded earnestly and attempted once more to sit up. "No, no, no, love," I replied, pushing his chest down gently and keeping him from sitting up, "the goal is for you to get better...not prolong your time in bed."
"I thought you were gone forever and that was why Lucy always wore black," Lydia said, gesturing to my mourning clothes.
"It was a bit of a surprise for all of us that I came back, dear girl, but don't worry. I'm not ever leaving again." He looked at me when he said that and I knew he meant it.
Just then, Mary touched my arm and whispered, "Excuse me, Lou." She hurried out of the room without another word and I looked at Jack questioningly. He didn't seem to know either.
Oblivious to the entire exchange, Lydia and Ben were having a hearty conversation about her tutoring lessons with me and her favorite dress.
I crushed the flowers into the pot of medicine and let it hang over the fire before following Mary outside, motioning for Benjamin that I would be right back.
To my astonishment, I found Mary leaning over the chamber pot in the guest room, retching horribly. "You need to lay down!" I exclaimed, kneeling beside her in concern.
     "No, Louisa, I'm fine-"
     "You must have gotten what Benjamin has, perhaps. I'll go get James and-"
     "Louisa, I believe I'm pregnant." I froze and she continued, "That was what I was going to tell you before you and Ben came in. I'm just sick from the pregnancy."
     "This is wonderful!" I cried, taking her hands in mine, "Are you sure?"
    "Fairly certain. And besides, I haven't felt this sick since I had Lydia."
     I embraced her excitedly and helped her stand, saying, "Come on, you go lay down in your room and don't come out until all the work is done, aye? Benjamin and I can handle the children."
     She tried to protest but I wouldn't have any of it, helping her into bed and closing the door behind me with a sigh of satisfaction.
     "Lou," I heard Benjamin call from our room, "are you coming back in here?"
      I picked up my petticoats and hurried inside, finding Lydia and Jack laying on either side of Ben, his arms around them. My heart melted.
     Without another word, I slipped my shoes off and laid beside them. "Shall we stay like this forever?" I said to Benjamin, hugging Lydia tightly.
     "I am your humble servant."