Of Parchment and Saltwater

Chapter 30

      "Lou," Benjamin called from the parlor, adjusting his dark crimson coat and black necktie, "William just rode up on his horse. Are you ready to go?"
     We were on our way to a dance being held at the Bellamy family mansion downtown and, although neither of us really wanted to go, it had been months since the last time a ball had been called in Litchfield.
     "I feel quite absurd in this gown, Ben. Just look at this! It's a nightgown, for heaven's sakes!"
     He chuckled and took Lydia from my arms, tugging affectionately at the silky white muslin fabric that came together high above my waist- much different from the styles I was used to when I was younger.
     "You look beautiful, my dear. And you aren't the only one who feels ridiculous...I'm like an English dandy in this coat."
     We invited William inside, as he was to watch over the children, and Samuel and Ruth jumped for him eagerly.
     "Will!" Ruthie cried, "Pick me up! Up, Will!"
     I messed with his hair playfully as he picked both of them up, and Benjamin slipped some money into his coat pocket.
     "Thank you, William," Ben said with a smile, "I trust that will be enough to fund an adventure with Lucy, hmm?"
     He was engaged to marry Lucy Sheldon, the daughter of well-to-do Dr. Daniel Sheldon. We were overjoyed for them and our friendship with both families gave us extra reason to celebrate the union. They were certainly in love, and it made me giddy to see.
     "Thank you, Major."

     Our carriage arrived within a line of others at the Bellamy mansion, and I gripped Benjamin's gloved hand in mine.
     "I'm glad I have you, darling, to endure these events with me."
     He laughed. "The feeling is quite mutual. Come, let us endure, shall we?"
Inside, the enormous parlor-turned-ballroom was crowded with elegant ladies and dashing gentlemen, all making quaint conversation and taking small sips from their glasses.
"Mr. Tallmadge!" someone called from the edge of the room as we came in arm in arm. Mr. Hammond, owner of the general store and post office, approached us jovially.
     "Good evening, sir," Ben said with a bow, and I curtsied with a smile, "and how are things in town?"
     Mrs. Reeve caught my eye as Mr. Hammond and Benjamin continued to talk, and I quietly excused myself to speak with her.
     She pressed a crystal glass full of lemonade into my hand and motioned for me to be seated next to her on one of the plush benches.
     "I'm glad you and your husband finally made it to such an event," she remarked with a laugh, "and, of course, it had to be the one Mrs. Andrews decided to attend, hmm?"
     I scoffed as she gestured to the ostentatious old woman gossiping loudly across the room. "I'm certainly confident that I am not the reason she is here," I mused, "although I am twice as confident that I am the subject of her conversation at this very moment."
     As if on cue, Mrs. Andrews glanced sideways at me and quickly turned back to the poor young woman being forced to listen to her prattling.
     Mrs. Reeve laughed and raised her eyebrows. "That was quite impressive. It seems that your days of spying paid off, yes?"
     "More than you know. How is your family?"
     She sighed and shook her head incredulously. As the sister of Aaron Burr himself, Ben and I had to work through our notions against her and resolved not to tell Mrs. Reeve about our friendship with Alexander or our involvement with the duel. She had enough to worry about.
     "I have not heard anything more about my brother. Some newspapers say he has gone to the south. Frankly, Louisa, I don't care what Aaron does; he's done more damage to my family's reputation than he'll ever know. My husband says that a few people have already left our law school because of it."
     I sipped a bit of lemonade and took her hand. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault, and people ought to recognize that."
Just then, a loud bang echoed across the room and blood seemed to come from every part of Mrs. Reeve's face. The whole building shuddered and creaked and flames burst everywhere. The building was coming down.
     The sky burst blinding white and everything around us was blackened in a spray of blood and dirt, screaming, terrified, chaotic noise. My lungs felt as though they were on fire. I cannot breathe. They're all going to die, they're all dead, I have to help these people. Where is Ben, I need him.
     Stabbing screeches of sound pierced my ears like furious violins, and everything hurts. Everything hurts.
Panicked, I pulled Mrs. Reeve down and shielded her with my body, squeezing my eyes shut and preparing for death.
"Louisa?"
Aching horror shuddered through my body. Reality crashed around me like candlelit snow and dread flooded my chest. To my astonishment, Mrs. Reeve sat up and took me by the trembling shoulders, a perplexed look on her pristine face.
Fool! I thought, You're a coward. Fighting against silly visions like a child.
"It's alright, Louisa," she said softly, obviously taken aback by my sudden panic, "it was just the shutters closing outside. Are you..."
I nodded, attempting to calm my adrenaline and compose myself. "I'm so sorry," I stammered, "I forget myself. It's just the troubles of the past, I suppose. The memories-"
She held up a hand and looked over my shoulder and across the room at Benjamin. "You don't seem to be the only one who caught a fright, my dear."
Benjamin was apologizing profusely to an older man, sopping up spilled lemonade from the floor, lace tablecloth, and the gentleman's clothing. He caught my eye and smiled sheepishly, obviously having noticed my flustered performance with Mrs. Reeve.
"Go and dance with your husband, child," she whispered softly with a hand on my arm, "You both look as though you need each other's company a little more than I do."
Shallow breaths burned in my throat as I stood up shakily, eyes following Benjamin as he did the same. I could see his hands trembling.
     We met in the middle of the ballroom as the musicians finished a fast-paced song, and I slipped my hand into Benjamin's with a silent smile.
     "That was humiliating."
     "I'm just glad I'm not the only one."
     "Shall we dance, Madame?"
"I am at your service, Major."
     He pressed a hand to my back and I leaned against him gently, resting my head on his chest where it fit perfectly.
     When I heard the beginning of the next song, I looked up at Benjamin with a grin.
     "It can't be," he breathed incredulously, a small laugh forcing through his lungs.
     "It is." The World Turn'd Upside Down.
     We floated through the song just as we had done all those years ago in camp, Benjamin spinning me around on the shore of the ocean, our clothes soaked with ocean water as Caleb taunted us and one of Ben's men played the violin.
     I breathed in deeply. Benjamin would never escape the smell of saltwater on his clothes; it was a part of him.
     His golden hair was tied up messily and many pieces had escaped the haphazardly tied ribbon, dangling over my forehead with every exhale Benjamin took. There were a few stray grey hairs that gave an indication of his age.
     I stepped on his toes.
     "I'm sorry," Benjamin said softly, as though afraid to shatter the air alive with violins and pianos.
     "Why are you apologizing?" I said with a laugh, "I stepped on your feet."
     He shrugged and pulled me tighter. "I suppose it's just habit."
     After a quiet moment of thought, he added, "You're far too charming to be my wife. I'm not worthy of you."
     My hand resting on his shoulder, I nestled against his body and let him lead me in finishing the dance. "You are enough, Benjamin. One thousand times enough. You are my best friend pour toujours. Forever, darling."
      "You say that every time."
     "It's true every time."
     He kissed the top of my head before bowing to kiss my hand at the end of the dance, and I curtsied gracefully.
     Linking my arm in his, I followed Benjamin onto the empty veranda and sat beside him on the bench. Dim moonlight and reflections of candlelight from inside seemed to set fire to the hundreds of flowers surrounding the veranda.
     "I hope the children are alright," I said, leaning my head back to look at the hundreds of stars above us.
     Ben chuckled. "I'm sure William has them occupied beyond their wildest dreams."
     The sound of mockingbirds and crickets filled the silent space as we sat beside each other.
     Benjamin's gentle shoulders heaved when he took a breath and the beauty of his humility suddenly struck me. He had struck heroes from their place atop the world, sent empires crumbling in fear, taunted death as though it were a child. But he would never have called those his proudest moments.
     His eyes would light up as he spoke of his beloved children, or the way his mother taught him to ride horses, or the day he met me in New Haven.
     His heart tremblingly ached for freedom, but when he finally got it, it was no longer the most important thing. Benjamin was a child thrust into the war, as was I, and he'd become a man of integrity and honor and love.
     The kindness in him came not from the absence of violence, nor the perfection of childhood, but the imperfection and the struggle and the fighting.
     "Louisa," he whispered with his calloused fingers laced between mine, "the charming girl with the wildflowers, I do believe I have fallen in love with you. Will you ever forgive me?"
     I grinned and adjusted that haphazardly tied cravat around his neck. "Perhaps."
     "You've given me an indescribable peace, my love," he said, "in a lifetime of war. And I could never repay that. I would be nothing without you."
Tucking a tangled strand of hair behind my ear, he put his forehead to mine and chuckled a little as he gave me a small kiss. "We make quite a pair, don't we? The Head of Intelligence and his ambitious spy."
     "Good evening, Mother," I said, looking up at the midnight sky with a grin, "Your daughter is a spy."
     Benjamin winked and ran a thumb across my freckled cheeks. "And my wife."
     He picked one of the flowers from the bushes beside us and tucked it into my fingers. "You're a genuine marvel. Someone ought to kiss you."
     I laughed. "Don't make fun!"
     "I'm not! I adore you, I mean it. The most captivating woman on earth is my bride."
     He put his hands on my face and pulled me into a kiss, a smile sneaking through his lips.
     "Don't ever forget, darling, how much I love you."
     "Is that an order, Major?"