Of Parchment and Saltwater

Chapter 12

    
(Ps I'm putting the picture down here now bc Wattpad hates me and I love gifs)

After much argument, it was decided that I simply couldn't sleep in the same bed as Benjamin and that I'd have to go back downstairs for the night. Ben and I thought it was ridiculous.
     William, who had come home from his apprenticeship at the newspaper, was starting fires in each of the hearths as the November sun began to set. "Shall I carry you down to your room, Miss Louisa?" He said, offering his hand as I tried to sit up.
     I sighed. "As much as I wish I could decline your offer, I regret that I have no choice but to take you up on it, dear William. Take care of my Tallboy for me tonight, yes?"
"Yes, ma'am."
The next morning, after a restless sleep interrupted periodically by nightmares or excruciating pain, I found Alexander asleep in the chair on the other side of the room. He was writing and reading letters, as always.
Careful not to disturb him, I reached for the tin cup of water on the bedside table and drank ravenously. His eyes fluttered open and I cringed, hating myself for waking him up.
"I'm sorry," I said weakly, "I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."
He smiled and began stacking the papers quickly. "Do not worry; I was hoping to get up whenever you did. I'm riding for New York in a few hours to spend a night or two, arrange my affairs from my absence the past few days, and meet with Washington. There's been talk of him becoming our leader. President, dear Louisa. Can you imagine? I'll be back as soon as possible. I promise it won't take more than a few-"
     "Mr. Hamilton," I interrupted, "take as long as you need. You've done infinitely more than what I ever could have hoped. Thank you so much."
He kissed my bandaged hand and tousled my hair as he stood to leave. "I'll see you soon, dear friend. Write to me if you need anything, alright?"
I nodded and called out, "Wait, Alex! Would you like to know what we are calling our child?"
"Why certainly!"
"Maria. It means 'wished-for child.' What do you-" I stopped at the panicked look in his eyes.
"Is something wrong, sir? You look ill." He shook his head and looked at me carefully as if inspecting every word I was saying.
"No," he said, "I just...I know someone else with that name and you caught me...off guard, I suppose. My apologies, dear Louisa. Do you need anything else before I leave?"
I shook my head and smiled as he shut the door behind him. His mind was certainly unique, there was no doubt.

     The weeks progressed and my grief became stifled by the need to simply get things done. My only focus was helping Benjamin heal and keeping him comfortable, a difficult task.
     Alexander returned after a week in York City and, despite my arguments that it was unnecessary, came to visit us every day after checking on the progress on our home which, he said, was coming along quite nicely. I couldn't wait to be out of William's house and back into my own bed.
     The thought of Mary and her family was constantly in the back of my mind and the guilt I couldn't help but carry with me. I was the reason they were in our house in the first place, I had never told them everything about the experiences I had in the war, I'd begged to free them, and I provoked Simcoe all those years ago. I should have known.
"Lou?" I heard Alexander say outside the door to my borrowed room, "I have news. You and Benjamin will want to hear it together; shall I help you upstairs?"
Curious, I nodded and let him carry me up where Benjamin was, talking to William and his father about the news of Thomas Jefferson's return from France. Alexander set me into the chair beside the bed and leaned against the mantle, enraptured by the conversation and forgetting all about why he was there in the first place.
"Darling Louisa," Benjamin said to me, pulling himself into a sitting position, "what do you think of Mr. Jefferson's return? Washington seems quite enamored with the man."
I smiled and looked between the men knowingly. "You all are just bitter because he escaped having to fight in the war, you must admit it. The Marquis de Lafayette wrote fondly of him in his letters, didn't he?"
Alexander rolled his eyes. "He speaks well of everyone in his letters, Louisa. His opinions on our national debt are preposterous and illogical. And have you heard about Miss Hemmings? I don't like him; I've made up my mind about it."
I laughed. "You all are the most ridiculous Federalists I've ever heard of! Give the man a chance, won't you?"
Benjamin tugged at the ribbon in my hair and said with a sly grin, "You only like him because he had a daughter named Lucy."
"Perhaps that is some of the reason," I said jokingly, sitting back in the chair and stretching, "Now, Alexander, what is this news you have for us?"
     "Oh yes, I almost forgot! I paid the men working on your house a little extra the other day in exchange for their diligent work throughout the night. The repairs on your home are finished and I moved in some new furniture early this morning. We may go right now, if you'd like."
     I gasped. "It's truly ready?"
"Not a single trace of the fire. Except the smoky smell; I regret that I couldn't find a working solution for that. Benjamin, you are the president of the Phoenix Bank and the Litchfield postmaster, yes?"
He nodded. "I spoke to some people a few days ago and they agreed to let you conduct your affairs at home until you are healthy enough to walk again. They seemed quite overjoyed to have you working there at all."
Neither of us knew what to say. "Hamilton," Benjamin said, "I'm convinced that you are sent from God. I could never thank you for what you've done for us."
"I'm sure you'd do the same and more for me. Besides, Eliza would never allow me back home if I hadn't done everything I could for you two." I grinned.
"Shall I call for your royal carriage then, Monsieur and Madame de Tallmadge?" He said, dramatically bowing before us. "Run along then," Benjamin said in mock superiority, "servant boy!"
Alexander and I erupted into laughter at the mere image of the esteemed Colonel Alexander Hamilton ever being a servant boy.
Within a few minutes, the carriage had been brought around and Benjamin, Hamilton, and I were safely inside away from the bitter cold.
"I'd forgotten what the outdoors felt like in the winter," Benjamin said, wincing in pain as he adjusted the position of his legs, "It's quite miserable."
The sight of our house took my breath away. It looked just as it always had. Smoke lines were visible between the gables on the third floor and some of the grass had died surrounding the porch but it was still in strikingly good condition.
"Oh, Mr. Hamilton," I gushed, my joyful emotions mixed with terrified, grieving memories, "you've accomplished a marvel. Thank you."
"I don't want to impose," he said as the carriage pulled to a stop beside the door, "But I also don't want to leave you two to fend for yourselves."
I smiled and patted his hand with my broken one. "I believe I can walk with something to lean against if you'll just help me bring Ben upstairs."
With Benjamin between us, Alexander and I slowly brought him upstairs. Every few steps, I stumbled in pain but slowly continued, trying not to let either of them know that I was hurting.
     Our bedroom was in the exact same position that we'd left it, the blankets strewn across the floor as Benjamin had jumped out of bed at the sound of my scream. The thought sickened me.
     As I helped him into the bed, Alexander started a fire in the hearth. "I'll come back and check on you every few days, alright? I believe that the President will call me back to New York soon, although I'll hold him off for as long as I can-"
     "Alexander," Benjamin said, "do not feel burdened by us, I beg you. Go back to your work; I promise we will be alright."
     He smiled and bowed deeply. "Au revoir, dear friends. I pray that things go well for you until our next meeting."
     After tearful embraces and adamant thanks, he left the two of us alone in our house. Benjamin looked ready to pass out from exhaustion and pain, and I didn't blame him. We were home.
"Sleep," I said gently, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling the covers up around him as the fireplace flickered in the background.
"I don't want you to be alone," he said, his breath coming short, "with no one to talk to. Besides, I don't think I can take another nightmare."
I kissed him tenderly and rested my bruised head on his chest. "I'll stay and fight off the nightmares for you. Just kiss me one more time."
With my good hand, I cradled his face in my hand and let him kiss me, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
"I adore you," he whispered.
With tears streaming down our faces at all we'd lost, I let Benjamin pull me into his arms, carefully avoiding his legs.
     "Shall we stay in this house alone forever, dear Louisa?" He said, "Never allow another person in again? You'd never have to wear stays or stockings ever again, hmm?" I nodded, smiling, and began untying my petticoats. He knew how much I loved laying around in simply a night shift or my chemise.
     "This is practically the first time ever that we've been alone in our house, Benjamin. How shall we celebrate?" We both knew how ridiculous it was, celebrating the fact that we'd lost everything, but we would go crazy otherwise.
     "Let's yell," he said, taking my hand, "as loud as we can."
     "Alright. Scream, Benjamin! Scream for the prison warden on the Jersey!"
     With a deep, labored breath, he burst into a deep yell, eyes alight with determination.  
     "Scream for when Simcoe held your father captive in the Battle of Setauket. Scream for that accursed bullet wound in your shoulder that took me days to operate on. Scream for all our foolish arguments. For Thomas Jefferson, the Democratic-Republican, for heaven's sakes!"
     He pulled the strings on my stays as he shouted with all his might and I slipped out of my dress until I was just in my linen chemise. Much better, now that there was no one here to impress.
     "Scream for when your mother died! And when you got the letter from me saying I'd been sentenced to death. And Nathan Hale! Scream for him, Benjamin Tallmadge! Scream for when Simcoe broke your legs! Knock this house down!" He pulled me closer, shielding my ears playfully as he cried out as loud as he could.
     "Now you do it, darling," he said, "Scream for John André and your family's death! And when Simcoe shot you in the stomach and you were about to be hanged!"
I raised my hands to the ceiling and forced out the most powerful sound I could muster with such little strength.
"Scream for baby Maria, Louisa dear. Scream for Mary's blood on your face or the hatred you have for John Graves Simcoe! Scream for having to take care of a crippled husband for the rest of your life, perhaps!"
"That won't be true," I said loudly as though speaking to an entire crowd, "but I'll scream to it!"
"And for Yorktown! For those arrogant Tories who thought they could beat us and that Frenchman who hurt you so terribly in the city! Scream for having to cut your hair to visit me on the Jersey and that guard making your marvelous little nose bleed, Louisa Adams Tallmadge!"
I grinned and made the loudest sound I possibly could, erupting into pitiful giggles when he began to tickle me.
Breathing hard, I collapsed on the bed beside him and nuzzled against his arm, entangling my legs with his bandaged ones.
     "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. And I get to call you mine."
     "And you're the most handsome man in all of the world. I am forever yours, Major."