It Beats For You

If There's A God, He Fuckin' Sucks

The next day I opened my eyes. I could see the afternoon sun shining through one of my windows.

I stayed still for a minute, listening.

Walking out into the living room, I saw and heard nothing.

I walked into the kitchen, and looked around. There was a note on the table.

‘Rain, went out with Raven for a bit. We’ll be back soon. Have lots to explain/talk about. See you as soon as possible. Xoxox Dante and Raven.’

Holy hell.

Last night was real.

Raven might actually have HIV.

All I could do was wait for them to get home.

I waited sitting numbly at one of the kitchen chairs until six that evening, before Dante and Raven came walking through the door.

Raven had a stony look plastered all over his face.

I held my breath.

“Oh my god! Where were you? Are you okay? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me you were gay?! Why didn’t you tell me you thought you had HIV?!?! Jeez, sometimes I just don’t know…I love you, Raven, why didn’t you tell me these things?”

“I thought you’d hate me,” He said, averting his eyes.

“Come on, you know I could never hate you.”

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s okay. Just…please don’t hide things like that from me. Please.”

“I won’t anymore, I promise.” He glanced at Dante. “I…um…I have something else to tell you, then…”

I got a bit nervous. I thought he and Dante weren’t gay for each other…?

…

Then it hit me.

No.

Please don’t let him say what I think he’s going to say.

“Rain…I’m HIV positive.”

I closed my eyes.

No, no, no, no, no, no! Things were going so well…

I’m going to kill Tammy.

This is her fault.

“Oh my god.” Was all I could manage.

“Rain, wait, Rain!” Dante called after me as I turned on my heel, ready to go find Tammy. But he didn’t know that.

“What, Dante? I have things I have to do.”

“Rain, they said…they might have a cure.”

I paused again. “What?”

“They might have a cure.” Raven pitched in.

“It’s relatively new…and it only works on 1 in 300 people…but he might be 1.”

Still. He has HIV. This is Tammy’s fault.

“I…I’ve gotta go.”

“Where?” Dante asked.

“Out.”

“Rain.” He said sternly.

“I’m going to find Tammy. I’m going to kill her.”

Raven’s eyes widened.

I was dead serious.

Dante grabbed my arm, lightly enough so it wouldn’t hurt, and hard enough so I couldn’t get out of his grip, and pulled me to the living room couch.

He pulled me down onto the couch and hugged me tightly. I tried to get out of his embrace; I was too pissed off to be hugging someone.

“I know you’re upset…I know you’re mad at Tammy. But killing her won’t solve anything. You’d be leaving behind your new life. A life you’ve worked so hard to get. You’d be leaving behind the rapidly growing Death to You fanbase, you’d be leaving behind Andy, you’re new family, AKA: Me, Sammi, Jinxx, Jake, CC, Ash, Trisha, Brent, Bryan, Zac, Rose, Damon, Matt; hell, even Gerard and Mikey fucking Way consider us family. But most importantly, you’d be leaving behind your little brother again. Except this time, he wouldn’t be able to find his way back to you.”

My breath caught in my throat as tears welled up in my eyes. He was right. He was almost always right…

I finally gave in and hugged him back, grabbing fistfuls of his grey and black striped shirt, sobbing intensely into him, much like Raven had the night before.

"If there's a god, he fuckin' sucks." I muttered angrily into his chest.

“It’s going to be okay; I can feel it…Raven will be fine. He’ll get the cure, it’ll work, and we can all be happy, like you said. Happy.”

“Thanks, Dante…I really fucking hope you’re right.”

Raven stood there rather awkwardly, not knowing what to do, and struggling internally with his own issues.

Dante pulled him down with us and I felt him trying to fight his way out of the grip.

“No! What if you guys get it too???”

“Raven, it’s an internal disease, and I’d probably have to fuck you or suck you off to get it.”

I watched Raven flush a deep red and mutter something incomprehensible, then give in and hug back.

“I love you both. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.” This would be completely, flawlessly perfect if Andy was here, too.

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