Stubborn Hearts(girlxgirl)

XXX. The Tears of a Phantom

Stubborn Hearts:

XXX.   The Tears of a Phantom

HELENA

April 14th 

(Three Weeks Later)

“I don’t know if I’m doing everything right,” I whispered hoarsely, a sob climbing its way up my throat.

I blinked away the tears furiously as I stared at the headstone that held two names that would forever be written in my heart. The cool breeze blew almost making me think it was my mother caressing my face in her own way. 

I never expected of coming here especially during these days. It was too many memories; too much anguish for me to deal with. I had been ignoring everyone(they’re used to it, I suppose)and focus more in my duties. I kept myself busy and not think what these days were leading to. I didn’t want to feel the same pain from before and the guilt of not being able to help my brother in fighting the Hellcat. 

“I’m doing everything the way you taught me, Dad,” I continued, shoving my fists into the pockets of my sweater. “And I’m trying to make you guys proud but…it’s getting difficult.”

Another breeze blew and I bowed down my head, trying my best not to let the breeze touch my face. I came here absentmindedly after I had finished signing papers for businesses and approvals for others. It was late at night and here I was, in the cemetery looking more of a shadow of the night than a grieving phantom. I could hear a few crickets around and a fluttering of wings above my head.

“I made so many mistakes; some can’t be fixed. I brought an innocent girl into this…and have you seen where it took her? I pushed her into the hands of the Hellcat where she was chained to a wall like an animal and probably beaten like one. I don’t really know because she’s afraid of me. I saw the fear in her eyes and it…made me feel disgusted to see a girl who I came to admire to be afraid of me. But not only that, I kept your son in a coma for over three years. I kept him for selfish reasons than accept the fact that he would not come back.”

My knees wobbled and too soon, I collapsed onto my knees, gazing at the tombstone of my parents through bleary eyes. My chin quivered but I bit down my lower lip hard, forcing myself not to wail in the night. I grieved too much in the past but it seemed I still had more grief.

“Mom tried to stop me from following your footsteps, Dad. She tried to convince me of other hobbies for me to have a great passion for. She wanted me to see a better future than blood and violence but I was set on being a leader of the Phantoms. I was confident enough to believe that I would be like my old man but I was wrong. I can’t even do anything without risking others for my actions. Mom, you would be disappointed to see your daughter beating another girl for the result of what happened to Brandon. You would tell me it wasn’t Sam and Ella’s fault but…it was. I would never forgive them for bringing Brandon into their little love shit. They were the ones who lured the Hellcat out of its den and look where it ended up.

But then…I had done the same thing except putting someone in a coma. I brought Amanda into this from the endless dispute of Tony and I. I pushed her so far deep into this that it resulted her in being in harm’s way. What if I pushed her too far? What if the Hellcat pushed too far? We all know how that scumbag works,” I sighed, raking my fingers through my hair. “I didn’t expect this to be easier. Expectations are meant to be broken when you’re apart of a gang, I know that. What I didn’t expect was to fall for someone who was completely the opposite of me. Someone who had a heart for everything and knew from right and wrong.”