A Ballot of the Wolf and Merc | Ubbe Ragnarsson FanFic

Hopelessly Lost (Part Two)

A shaky hand stop midway up her thigh and Ubbe felt the weight of his body as though it was made of stone. Even with two full bottles of mead down his gullet the viking found himself hesitant over the simplest thought of rebounding after Ivar's ghastly reveal of the varagain's practices.

"Ubbe-" Margrethe's thick scandinavian accent still present years after a southern raid had brought the woman to be reared in Kattegat's halls alongside Aslaug's four sons as a sort of personal servant with minimal compensation from the late Aslaug. Not a drop of alcohol had passed the woman's lip even when the mournful viking had offered repeatedly. She remained beside Ubbe after things had dispersed in the grand room Ivar had exploited the underhanded intentions of both viking and varagain. Sigurd obviously not coming back and Ivar a cackling fool over his 'plan' going as well as it did, Margrethe felt obligated to tend to the man in his time of need.

His name being spoken snapped the trance like state Ubbe fell to. Hand still on her thigh, hiking up the gown she wore like they were frolicking teenagers once more, Margrethe exhaled slowly keeping a composure, "Ubbe, I've known you as long as we have....are you sure you-"

"I can't-" taking his hand back from the servant's personal space, Ubbe tormented by the conflict in thoughts and beer shook his head, "I....I can't do it, I can't...."

Close to pleased to hear such restraint from the viking warmed the woman's heart. Even with Ubbe's touch retracted, Margrethe reached out and gave his forearm a firm squeeze, "...you love her don't you Ubbe?"

Fixed on her pale hand in contrast to the woven teal fabric of his long sleeved tunic, Ubbe felt sick with the heavy sloshing-ness in his stomach, "....part of me....always assumed you and I were to wed. That mother wanted that."

Solace in rubbing her thumb over his arm in small circles lasted only a moment before Margrethe took her hand back and folded her palms together between her legs. Leaning forward and she couldn't help the faint shy smile, "And how would Hvitserk feel about his older brother marrying a servant girl?"

Wedging his neck over to cast a gaze over at the nearly white haired woman, Ubbe found her smile contagious and let his own creep up on his bearded lips, "Hvitserk...when we were little he wanted to rescue from the dragon when we played....Don't let him know I told you," Ubbe weary still smiled wider at his friend, "He'd die if you knew."

A little snicker and Margarethe looked down at her lap. Hair falling from behind her ears to hide her features behind the wall of straight pearl strands, "...I miss him home."

"I do too," Ubbe replied as he exhaled slowly, "...Hvitserk would have known what to do with this all..." Rolling his fingers together mindlessly Ubbe found himself worrying about Eleri staying outside all night. Yes Sigurd probably found her, but the thought of her away from him for the first time since they'd met almost four months ago, it made the vikings stomach sour, "Hvitserk told me to keep her around....and I've let my brother down."

Turning her face to the viking Margrethe looked down at Ubbe worrying his hands in a wringing motion, "...would you have slept with me?"

Posed the question Ubbe stopped and found his mind racing for a situation where he would have gone through it, "....No....I'm sorry Margrethe, but, Eleri...she's just different than the others, different from...I don't know-"

"Then marry her," Margrethe bluntly stated.

Of course this 'solution' earned a scowl from Ubbe and he shook his head, "She's probably half way on her way to the Black Sea by now. Sigurd probably left with her, he's the only one who's been smart enough to give her kindness like he does."

"Sigurd loves her," Margrethe cut into his thoughts.

Ubbe's blond brows arched a little on his wrinkling forehead, "That's supposed to help?"

"No, it's a simple fact," Margrethe replied, not nearly as amorous with the second youngest as she was with both older brothers. The servant only ever spared a few heated make out sessions and laid with him once. When Eleri's existence came to light there was little interaction Margrethe even had with Sigurd afterwards. Like a lost puppy dog Sigurd followed Eleri around in earnest intent never even looking at Margrethe or the other women servants after so.

Harassed by the idea that his younger brother was even more intuned with this woman Ubbe considered his soul mate, the worrisome man leaned forward with his elbows propped on his knees. Dragging his fingers through the loose hair not woven tight into his braid didn't settle Ubbe's torment, "...I didn't mean it when I yelled at her....I wasn't trying to force her to conceive just to make her stay."

"But you wanted her to-" Margrethe sparing him a look when she thought Eleri's pregnancy was Ubbe's end game.

"I love her....not to keep her captured here...after all this time," Ubbe shut his eyes cutting off the trembling waiver of building tears, "...I thought she wanted to stay, I thought she wanted the same."

"Did you ask her what she wanted?" Margrethe asked softly to the man.

Opening his blue eyes just to stare hard down at the ground, Ubbe coming to terms he never really asked Eleri what she wanted. Coming to terms that she gave up her revenge on his father still left Ubbe without any idea what the varagain wanted out of life. Settled down in Kattegat Ubbe worked towards treaties with Lagertha to assure their home would stay their home. Then Ivar's spurred return. More time thinking less and less about Eleri. Colliding down on him Ubbe realized he'd stamped out any voice the woman might have had in fate. Eleri dwindling to daily routines dealing with Lagertha's request and the rest of her time spent accommodating both brothers and keeping peace when it was threatened. Selfless the last three months Eleri was in no position to be with a child. No child to bring into such a hectic world.

"...I'm selfish," Ubbe gained the realization that his actions in the past months were entirely self driven. Commercing with Lagertha, fervent to bed the varagain any chance he had and working to entangle a life in Kattegat, all of it to snuff out any idea of leaving or cover up the misconception that Eleri would leave. Even after she swore to them, as well as Ragnar, that she would remain. Ubbe did what he was best at, overtaxing, overthinking and compiling his ideas into a linear time line so no matter what happened he would have a plan. Accusing Eleri of treating him like a job, it was Ubbe who was seeing Eleri as plan. Not a evolving, emotional being. Something Ubbe couldn't compensate for.

Silently rising from the bed beside the eldest, Margrethe reached out and gingerly squeezed Ubbe's shoulder. Releasing his shoulder she gave a small nod to him, "Would you care for a warm drink Ubbe? It's late, and Queen Lagertha already has guards on the lookout for Sigurd and Eleri if they are to return after nightfall."

Gazing down at nothing left Ubbe not stirring to respond on the spot. Tangled it thought it wasn't until a moment later when he rose quickly to his feet and moved his gaze onto Margrethe, "You should marry Hvitserk."

"Excuse me?" albeit taken back at the spontaneous statement towards her personal life.

"He's always loved you, there is no reason it should go wasted," suddenly moving about the room Ubbe fetched his cloak and began digging through some belongs on the narrow table in the bedroom. No explanation at the impromptu motion.

Troubled she did not follow Margrethe's eyebrow arched up in response, "Ubbe what are you doing it's too-"

"Thank you Margrethe," successful in finding what he wanted, Ubbe pocketed the small object and turned to the servant as he made for the door, "I'm sorry I drug you into this, but thank you."

"Ubbe wait what ar-" trying to corral what he was doing was for nothing as the viking draped the shawl of furs on his shoulders and escorted himself out of the room without any word. Confused Margrethe was about to make after him with concern for what he was doing. But when she stepped forward and heard the subtle crunch under her foot. Margrethe looked down to see what littered the ground. Crushed under her foot was the smallest piece of pennyroyal that must have been left in the leather satchel that started all of this chaos. Connecting the dots with what the small thing Ubbe made off with so suddenly, Margrethe stopped in her tracks. Taking in a long slow breath as a small smile hinted on her lips. Understanding now what took the viking off so quickly even as the sunset. A minute flutter recalling what Ubbe spoke of Hvitserk, Margrethe letting the blush creep on her cheeks thinking about the viking. Something she always wanted to hear but truly never believed she would. Hopeful what she could give as advice to the man did everything it could to right such a large wrong in those lives.