To Be A Runner

Chapter 29: Hardest Mistakes

My head rests against the semi-clean tile wall of the shower. This is the one place it seems I can get complete quiet, since I no longer am staying in a one person tent. The water splashing against my skin and dripping on the floor of the shower is the closest thing to noise right now, besides the echoing of the same sounds from other showers a few feet away.

I'm just glad they're separated.

But even with the silence, or the closest I can get to it, my mind is screaming.

Another question. Another mystery. Another thought to plague my mind. And even if Janine wants me to find out what this is about, what about the vaccine? What about Pro. Van Ark and whatever he's hiding? What about Project Greenshoot?

What about the rocket launcher and who shot my helicopter down? What about justice for Sierra?

I press my palms against my eyes and sigh, although I barely hear it over my raging mind and the sound of the shower. I feel the heels of my feet begin to slide forward, as my back begins to slide down, but I do nothing to keep myself upright. When I reach into a sitting position on the shower floor, I don't move, except for the action of drawing my knees to my chest so I can wrap my arms around them.

I came here for one mission and this is what I get in return. Confusion, mysteries, friends who I didn't intend to make, three kids who follow my every move, and a freaking crush on my radio operator.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

At least that last bit makes me feel a little bit better.

But then my thoughts take a turn, on how Wes would've had at least one of these things figured out by now. Joey would've thought of it all, or at least had some theory on it. Jessica or Julia would definitely have pieced a few things together if it were them.

But it's not them. It's me, because I'm alive and they're all dead along with the others... and it's all my fault.

Suddenly the shower curtain is ripped open, and if I had the voice I would scream. I pull my knees closer to my chest and Summer-only wearing a towel herself-looks at me with a mildly surprised expression.

"Haven't seen a conservative runner in a long time," She chuckles before raising up a shoulder in a half shrug. "You know, because we constantly have to change at any given moment for surprise missions."

I nod quickly, wanting her to get to the point of why the hell she decided to have a conversation with me while I'm showering. I would ask, but seeing how I don't want to show anything I keep my arms wrapped around my knees, which does an adequate job of hiding my small chest.

"Anyway, your time's almost up for the showers. I thought it'd be better if it was me telling you than Rajit so..." Her voice trails off as she chucks a towel at my face, causing me to let out a huff from my nose. "Get dried off and dressed, sweetheart. I'm sure there Janine's dying to know what you saw back there anyway. I know I am."

With that I hear the rings of the shower curtain clink against the bar as she closes it, giving me privacy once more. I push myself up to my feet and run the towel against my skin and hair, doing just enough to make me look like a person and not a drowned rat before grabbing my clothing from outside the shower and slipping it on.

When I leave the showers, Summer is waiting there for me. "Come on, I was told to take you to Janine."

'Never do that again,' I say with a semi-harsh glare, but the tan skinned girl just laughs.