The Tall Tales of Daphne Monroe

Thursday 23rd April

4:30pm

We are now well into the final two weeks of rehearsal for the doomed performance of Bugsy Malone.

I say doomed because we are performing it in seventeen days and The Hodge hasn't been able to fix the gun to a lower force, the set is only half done, my costume doesn't fit and none of us know the routine for the dance number.

It is, to put it mildly, a complete and utter disaster.

To his credit, The Hodge is trying really hard to get us into some semblance of order, but it's no use. I'm hoping a miracle will happen on the night and we magically know all what we are supposed to be doing. Or the school burns down.

Either way, something's got to happen in the next few days that only God can pull off.

'This is a catastrophe. We are never going to be ready in time.' Fee is freaking out, wandering around muttering to herself whilst dressed in her flapper costume. Her flapper costume that fits, at least.

I hadn't realised how much this play had meant to her until now.

I should feel bad for making fun of her so much. But I don't. It's her fault we are all here in the first place.

'Places people!' The Hodge calls over the din, and a few people actually move into their spot.

'This is a joke,' Jack says from his spot next to me. He's doing all the music for the play, but the true mystery how he got tricked into all this in the first place. I'm guessing community service. He's probably killed someone with that punch.

'What are you doing here?' I ask.

'I'm the only one who knew how to turn on the computer, so I got roped into it,' he answers.

'You volunteered?' I say disbelievingly.

'Sure. Why, Monroe? Don't believe me?'

'Short answer- no.'

'You wound me Daphne.'

"I'm sure you'll survive. Why are you really here?'

Jack sighs and gives me a dry look. He's nearly as tall as Eddie so he's looking down at me as he does it, so it feels very condescending. A lot like Jack himself, actually.

'Real world application. I thought it might look good on my submission for university, OK?' Jack looks slightly embarrassed, as though he's revealed too much of himself. As if he's scared of showing that he's not as uncaring about everything like I thought he was.

Huh. There's a surprise.

'Christ, if school is anything like the real world just shoot me now,' I comment, and to my surprise Jack bursts out laughing. It's a nice laugh, really loud and booming. It comes from his belly and makes me smile involuntarily.

'Me too. Laters' Monroe,' he says, thumping me gently on the arm before disappearing off to the sound room at the back of the auditorium. I watch him leave for a moment, wondering if perhaps I misjudged him the first time we met. But then I remember that blasted punch and I start wishing for a stage light to fall down and crush him.

'Daphne! Would you be so kind as to take your place?' The Hodge calls out, startling me.

'Yes Sir. Sorry, Sir.'

I scuttle forward up onto the stage and into my place next to Jade and Alex whilst Fiona takes a stand in the centre. Jade and I got supporting roles, thank Christ, whilst Fee gets to ponce around as some duff named 'Tallulah'. Well, it's the role she wanted so I guess we can be thankful, otherwise we would have had to listen to her whine on for weeks about what she had done wrong and what she could have done better in the auditions, and no one needs that in their life.

Alex, the poor girl, got cast as someone called 'Baby Face', whom I hadn't realised until recently is actually supposed to be a man. Or a boy. Or whatever.

When I did find out, however, it took me about a week to calm down. Every time I saw Alex all I could think about was her dressed as a bloke and I would be off, cackling away.

Eddie is playing some kid called 'Knuckles', and to get into character he's been walking around insulting everyone with a sneer on his face and cracking his fingers. Truth be told, I'm rather relieved his character gets killed. It will be a bloody relief, let me tell you that.

And Jade and I are a part of Tallulah's dance troupe, parading around as some bimbos named 'Velma' and 'Bangles'. We flipped a coin on it and I won, so that means Jade has to be 'Bangles'. There was no way I was having my name next to that one in the program.

Not an ice cube's chance in hell.

'This is stupid, we are so not ready for this,' Alex says beside me. I turn to look at her and nearly explode into laughter. When I wasn't looking she has taken her eyeliner pencil and drawn on a silly little moustache over her top lip. She looks RIDICULOUS.

It's going to be a loooooong rehearsal.

I look over into the wings of the stage and see Prince Dreamboat along with a few of his friends trying to build some piece of the background set. I watch as Théo throws his head back laughing at something his friend has said before turning and looking DIRECTLY at me.

Our eyes meet like one of those cheesy rom-coms I'm guiltily in love with. If there were only a dramatic song playing in the background to perfect the moment and I'd die a happy Hollywood-obsessed girl.

My heart does that weird flip-flop in my chest as he gives me a secret smile, raising his hand and wiggling his fingers at me slightly before turning back to the group. His dark curling hair falls slightly into his face as he leans forward to pick up something out of the toolbox, his shirtsleeves rolled up showing strong arms and delicate hands...

Sweet Lord, I'm so far gone it's unreal. I bet the whole nation of Monaco is totally in love with him.

Oh my God, I bet he's like the Monegasque Justin Bieber! I bet it's just a whole nation of mad teenage girls screaming over him, watching his every move.

I'll kill them all.

How could I not be in love with him? He is perfect. And he still wants to go out on a date with me, even after spending the whole evening with my mad family.

There aren't going to be many boys wanting to do that in my lifetime; let me tell you.