A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔

Chapter Thirty : The Boy Who Left

[The above wreath I won in a giveaway- it describes Joy :)]

I squeezed my eyes open and squinted, the light blinding me. Noticing my discomfort, someone drew the curtains back. I rubbed my eyes and slowly sat up on the bed. Bile rose in my throat and I immediately grabbed the nearby bucket. This was usually how I woke up in hospitals, nothing new. Massaging my head, I looked up at the smiling face of the nurse and asked hoarsely, "What time is it?"

"One pm," she said glibly. "This is the second day you're here. You remember what happened last evening?"

I gave her a perplexed look as she continued smiling dolefully. Realization sank in me and seeing my expression change from confusion to sorrow and shame, she patted my shoulder lovingly. My mouth felt dry and I licked my lips. "My head's still hurting."

"Of course it is darling. Tell you what, I'll bring you food and water to eat and drink. Doctor Lee will check up on you later." She strode out of the plain room after I assured her that I would be fine without her presence.

The whitewashed bleak yet familiar walls of the hospital room seemed to stare back at me. Through the gap between the green curtains, I could see the sun shining vehemently. Day before yesterday night, everything had gone wrong and the storm had raged on us in all it's fury. I ended up here and Logan . . . Poor, poor Logan!

Yesterday evening when I woke up for the first time in the hospital and my entire family was around- all except Logan, I became hysterical. Grandpa had been bailed out because Logan was found by his ruthless uncle and the police. I screamed and banged my head on the pillow repeatedly upon realizing that Logan was gone. He was indeed gone, again, all because of me and my fricking cancer.

"You alright?" The nurse entered the room with the tray of food and I nodded slightly. The nurse was a brown woman in her early forties, a bit plump with large eyes, but approachable. She gave me some pills which I had to take before lunch. I took them and gulped down the water. "How are you feeling hon?"

How was I feeling? Truth be told, I didn't know. It was like when the brake of a car failed and you were driving it, you knew there was a dead end and you couldn't do anything. Still you tried to turn the car around in hopes of getting saved and it would  start spinning in circles causing more havoc. You kicked and cried and prayed. Thoughts, memories rushed through your mind like a hot gush of tap water. You clung on to the last bit of hope, desperate to save yourself, but that didn't happen. Just a second before the end, you finally braced yourself for the impact. Was that losing hope? Maybe. Was that being practical? Probably. I was stuck in this, but I thought that I was bracing myself for the inevitable death, only to find myself back at the beginning. That too, all in slow motion.

It was too much, too much.

"I'm fine," I replied ultimately to the nurse who was eyeing me curiously. I cracked a weak smile and popped a boiled baby carrot in my mouth. "When can I get out of here?"

"Doctor Lee will tell you that, but you'll be discharged soon surely. You look better after resting," she stated. Did I? Somehow I didn't want to look better even though it sounded absurd. I deserved this especially when Logan had told me to not come at the lighthouse, but I still did. "I telephoned your family and they're going to come to visit you."

"Oh no, not them," I murmured. I recalled them crumbling down when last evening I had freaked out. I seldom broke down in front of them these days because it wouldn't be fair. They were still coming in terms with me dying in some months, I couldn't be more hard on them. I added dubiously, "I-I mean it's good."

"It's only your mum and sister child, don't worry," the nurse said as if reading my thoughts. She languidly walked out of the room. "I'll send them in when they come. You finish that quick."