A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔

Chapter Thirty One : The Prostitute's Red Lips

I instantly regretted the moment I stepped into the flower shop. Last night itself I was discharged from the hospital and today here I was, trying to go back to normalcy. Mum adviced me not to, but I wanted to do something. I wanted to stop thinking about Logan- I wanted to stop thinking about where he was or what he was doing or how he was feeling. It was selfish of me and I did feel guilty, but the more I thought of Logan, the more my chest tightened.

However, the flower shop reminded me of nothing but him. The way he would lumber outside the flower shop, the plastic bag containing his lunch box (Mac and Cheese) dangling on his finger. I would watch him through the glass sheathed walls and grin brightly at him once our eyes locked into each other's. Most days a playful or even an arrogant smile naturally occurred on his lips, small dimples appearing. Other days he would force a lopsided smile just out of politeness or dry mock humour.

Each time a distressed customer barged in through the doors and the bell dinged almost violently, Logan and I would be alert to serve. The way we awkwardly stared at each other when our fingers accidentally brushed or the way we bumped our heads and he would mutter something incoherent while I giggled nervously. The uncertainty looming in his sea-coloured eyes when someone asked him to choose flowers for them, but he always somehow ended up selecting the right ones. As if he knew, as if he understood what the person was going through and what the person needed the most.

The way Logan would quickly avert his gaze to the floor, partly angry at himself for a blush creeped up his neck each time my eyes met his from across the shop. The way he was relaxed around me with his back hunched languidly which was otherwise stiff and erect. The way he would tug at his sleeves uncomfortably each time he was being evasive and tensed, dodging my prying questions. The way his eyes gleamed with respect and gratitude each time my grandpa would forgive his mistakes grudgingly.

Never in my wildest thoughts did I think that I would miss this complex, skinny and awkward boy, but oh God, I missed him. I missed the Logan who was everything strong and beautiful. I missed the ray of hope that radiated through him when he smiled. I missed the depth in his eyes, the twitching of his lips and the faint freckles dusted over his collarbone. I missed his rigid cardboard like shirt, worn out sneakers and messy, dirty hair. I missed the asshole who wasn't actually an asshole for just a layer underneath, he was good. Truly good.

I vaguely remembered his final words whispered fervently, his lips pressed over my forehead, "Hold on a little, okay . . . Please don't give up . . . Goodbye Joy . . . "

Tears welled up in my eyes and a humourless laugh escaped my lips. Shaun shot a lingering look at me from across the shop, partly scared and I shook my head, dismissing his concern. I sauntered over to the bunch of colourful flowers, immersing myself in their fragrance, the petals tickling my neck. Pink, purple, yellow, white, blue, red colours flashed before me. The sweet scent of each flower made me feel dizzy. Dahlias, poppies, lilies, sunflowers, marigolds, peonies, chrysanthemums, roses . . . Roses . . . It had all started with those delicate, blood red roses.

I didn't realize that I was clutching the stems of the roses tightly until I felt the thorns digging in my flesh. I hastily let go of them and sighed. Just then the bell clunk softly and I looked up. It was Marilyn, Logan's strange neighbour.

Marilyn's eyes widened at Shaun for the briefest moment before it settled on me. She was wearing unintentionally ripped jeans and a check red and black shirt. Her blonde curls were pulled into a shabby ponytail and her eye makeup was heavy which made her (combined with her confidence) intimidating.

I tried to not let judgement cloud my vision when my eyes were drawn towards her sultry, red lips. She was a prostitute alright, but that didn't make her any less human or pretty. She was extremely gorgeous, young and also kind for she had helped Logan and me.

"Hey Marilyn, what brings you here?" I greeted and led her towards the counter. Her gloomy eyes flickered towards Shaun. Shaun swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbling. Did they know each other? "How may I help you? Do you want any flowers?"

"No," she replied calmly. "I came to check up on you kids . . . That skinny neighbour of mine--- "

"Yeah, we got caught," I interjected remorsefully. "He-He's with his uncle somewhere and I'm . . . well here."

"Yeah sorry about that. I was just passing by and thought I should drop by," she explained and now looked at Shaun directly. "The world's fucked up, isn't it?"

"I suppose so," I said dubiously, Shaun slightly nodding beside me. His jaw hardened. "But not entirely. There's still compassion in people and I want to believe that I'll see Logan one day. I just hope it isn't late. I have faith in God and I trust him. I know it in my heart that I'll see Logan. My hope is strengthened every time I see goodness in someone."

"That's bullshit." Marilyn snorted, bitterness evident in her eyes. "There's no goodness left in this screwed up world."

Panic overtook my body and I felt a sudden jolt of realization surge through my body, shaking me and leaving me gasping for breath. Those sad vacant eyes, those plum lips curled in disdain, the emptiness surrounding her . . . Marilyn and her words reminded me constantly of Eliza and it scared me. Another broken girl who's broken self was reflected in those around her. I needed to help her to rescue herself.

"There is goodness still left in people," I whispered passionately and took a deep breath. "I saw it in you Marilyn, I see it in you."

Shaun smiled subconsciously, his jaw unclenching and Marilyn had a look of astonishment on her face. As if she couldn't believe me, as if she didn't want to believe me. Her normally cool self was shattering and out came the vulnerable self which she had securely locked inside.

She broke into a fit of girlish giggles. "Quit joking kid."

"I'm not--- " I was cut off by the staunch hand of Shaun on my shoulder. He gave me a look that warned me to not speak further. I obediently shut my mouth, not contradicting Marilyn since it seemed like she would burst out any second.

"I haven't come here to discuss about my shitty life," she said once her wry chuckles had ceased. "How are you feeling besides that faith and believing in almighty crap?"

"I'm not feeling fine definitely," I admitted truthfully. "It's so tough to lose someone and although I feel like I would meet him someday, it's hard. No second passes by without me thinking about him. My heart is trying to reach out for something solid, my mind is trying to search for answers of which I have no clue about. I'm clinging to the memories and the funny thing is that it's been only two days. I can't imagine how I'm going to live without him which makes me feel guilty, you know? My family and friends are going to lose me soon and I can't bear to imagine the pain they'll go through. I-I can't, it's hard."

My honesty had hit Marilyn home because the rueful expression on her face was raw. She understood that she wasn't alone. She wasn't the only broken one. Before she could say anything, a ball of energy rolled in through the door.

"Thank God you're here JJ!" Rosemary exclaimed, her cheeks flushed and she was panting. "I looked for you everywhere in the town! I looked for you in the cafés, at the ocean and went knocking at your home until I realized that you must be here! I'm so stupid really, this flower shop slipped from my mind completely because of my anxiety--- "

"What happened Rosemary?" I intervened eagerly.

She slapped her forehead and blabbered, "Oh right! Oh my God, JJ, you need to know this! I almost fainted when I heard this and came rushing to you because I knew that you must be really worried. Oh my God, JJ--- "

"What's the matter?" Marilyn snapped in irritation as she glared at her.

Rosemary [under the threatening scrutiny of Marilyn] spilled out, "Logan is missing!"