A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔

Chapter Fifty Seven : The Boy's Mystery

Jamal took me to the dance floor leaving Logan alone by the table. Initially, Logan didn't seem to mind as he ate quietly, but then he retrieved his phone. He turned rigid as I saw him staring at the screen like he had witnessed a murder or something. His glazing eyes nearly popped out, the blood draining from his face. I wanted to enquire if anything was amiss, but Jamal didn't let go of me.

Logan noticed me observing him because he gave me a brief smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, but I decided to let him be by himself for some time.

Jamal and I danced wildly, swaying our hips and wiggling our arms. His encouragement was enough to push my limits and dance till I literally dropped down. The loud beats gradually transitioned into slow songs which made Jamal and me giggle excessively. We held each other's hands and tried to move slowly, but we kept stomping on each other's feet. He moaned about my sweaty hands and I fired back about his sweaty smell.

Suddenly, tears flowed down Jamal's cheeks as he hid his watery eyes with his arm.

"Hey hey hey Jamie, what happened?" I whispered worriedly.

He shook his head, wiping his tears roughly with the back of his sleeve. "Nothing Blondie, can you do me one favour yo?"

"Depends on what it is."

"Once you reach there, start buttering up God so when my time comes, he'll allow me to sneak in heaven," he said with an impish grin, the tears drying on his face as fast as it had come.

"So you can trouble me there too? Oh dear God no!" I cried out and we both started to shriek with laughter, the melancholic undercurrent dissipating between us.

I silently prayed to God that Jamal, my Jamie would be alright without me.

* * *

I was nonchalantly striking a conversation with my town people giving Logan some space until I decided it was time to intrude his train of thoughts.

"Logan," I approached him gingerly. "Are you okay?"

He was as still as a stone and hearing my intervening voice, he flinched. "What?"

I placed my hand on his shoulder and he stopped fidgeting with his phone. "Is something wrong?"

"What? No," he said vaguely in a dazed state. He shoved his phone in his pocket, got up swiftly, clasped my hand in his and dragged me to the dance floor. I stumbled after him like a clueless puppy.

Once we were standing among the other dancing couples, he was tugging at his sleeves agitatedly. Then he let go of them, gripped my right hand- intertwining our fingers clumsily, his other arm encircling my waist- pulling me closer to him. His eyes were focused on something behind me and then they were directly on me, urging me to co-operate. I reluctantly swung my free arm around his neck not knowing what else to do. I was baffled.

"What's going on---"

Logan cut me off savagely as his lips caught mine. I was puzzled and when he seeked entrance, I dumbly parted my lips. His kiss was almost bruising, his tongue hot against my own. I could feel people watching us so I gave him a little push. He stopped abruptly, pressing his forehead to mine and sighed longingly.

"I'm sorry." His breathing was ragged, his thick eyebrows knotted in tension and his eyes squeezed shut. "I shouldn't have done that."

"I'm confused Logan," I said truthfully and his eyes fluttered open. There was a sort of lingering pain in them like dark thunderclouds hovering over a serene ocean. "What's going on?"

He took a step back from me, this time delicately holding me like I was a fragile porcelain doll. "Nothing Joy. Let's dance."

"But . . . " He had already started to dance with me, spinning me around and I followed his awkward steps. He gave me a fleeting smile which didn't convince me. However, I didn't utter a word and returned a wavering smile.

Ellie Goulding's 'I know you care' played faintly in the background.

The music was mellow and the lights were dim, but I could feel a myriad of emotions coursing through Logan's body. The slight twitch of his fingers, the jerky motion of his feet and his unusually cold, clammy hands reminded me of the trouble storming in his beautiful, untamed mind. Our bodies eased together after a couple of minutes and I rested my head on his chest.

Why was he anxious? He reminded me of the Logan I had just met, the Logan who was ready to plummet down from the bridge. The Logan who was ready for the darkness to suck the life out of him and leave him empty- emptier than what he had felt.

I felt his breath on my hair and his pounding heartbeats under my cheek as we rocked to the music- a false promise that the shell wasn't vacant, that he was alive- truly alive.

Then the song changed to 'What about us' by P!nk and the music picked up it's pace and I found myself tapping my feet and shaking my hips comically, laughing madly.

There was a new electrifying energy, everyone's bodies glistening and eyes twinkling in mischief. Logan's eyes were vacant, his face grim as he tediously tolerated me. At least it seemed like that because he didn't reciprocate my enthusiasm.

I twirled Logan and suddenly, he wrenched his arm away from my grasp and started to violently push through the crowd.

I stood there in bewilderment and when I came to my senses, I rushed after him.

What about all the broken happy afters?

Oh, what about us?

"Logan! Logan!" My shouts were muffled by the song, but thankfully he was an arm's length away from me. I clutched his shirt from the back and he whirled around, swatting my hand away in the process. "What the hell?"

He leaned closer to my ear and rasped harshly, "You don't think of me as a man, do you?"

I pulled away so I could look into his eyes and gave him a perplexed look. Did I hear him right? "Why? W-What are you saying that I don't think of you as-as a man? Because I twirled you? That was a freaking joke!"

He shook his head in disbelief, staggering back.

"Logan, Logan . . . Listen to me, this is not you. You can't be so unreasonable. We were just dancing, you can't . . . " I tried to reach for him helplessly, although he had already gone a good distance away from me.

I couldn't hear him because of the booming noise, but I could make out what he said from the way his luscious lips moved. Leave me alone.

Oh, what about love? What about trust?

What about us?

He had a weary expression on his face, his dimples appearing and I knew I shouldn't pester him even when I wanted to shake his shoulders vigorously and demand what was wrong with him.

He disappeared from my sight and I swallowed the large lump lodged in my throat.

What about us?
What about us?
What about us?

The last fragments of the song faded and picking out the loose threads of my heart, I turned to the dance floor for some mending.

* * *

A/N :

This chapter was confusing and I did that deliberately to make you feel how Joy must have felt lol. You'll understand why Logan's behaving the way is he. Sorry for a short update, once I break the flow of writing it becomes really hard to come back on track.