A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔

Chapter Sixty Four : The Girl Sick With Worry

I was sitting on the bed, resting my head on the headboard and solving sudoku puzzles with my dad. It was distracting me from my aching body and it felt comfortable to chat with my dad like old times. His leg bounced as he tapped the pencil against his chin and his eyes met mine. "What do you think?"

"The number two there . . . No, not there. It's there." I took the pencil from him and wrote down the answer. His face animatedly lit up and I realized that this was one of his moments where he pretended to not know the answer only to praise me extravagantly when I wrote down the solution. He had been doing this since the first day of my kindergarten. I half-expected him to clap and give me a toffee.

"Done!" he cheered and put away the newspaper, reaching for another one. "Are you tired JJ?"

I shook my head and grabbed a pillow, adjusting it behind my back.

I watched him poke the pen tip on top of the puzzle but his hand never moved. His head was hung low and my forehead creased. The puzzle was easy, it wasn't quite difficult that he had to think so much. Just before I opened my mouth to speak, I noticed a drop of water fall on the paper and wet a tiny spot.

A lump lodged in my throat. "Dad . . . "

"Yes JJ?" His voice wavered a little, but he didn't look up.

I placed my hand over his. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm alright." He slowly raised his head and smiled as if nothing was wrong. His watery blue eyes betrayed him and sometimes it hit me fast and sudden at how his eyes looked exactly like mine. "I'm alright. Now where were we?"

"Here," I pointed at the beginning of the puzzle and his smile widened.

"Now let's see . . . JJ, what do you reckon?"

We continued with the puzzle like he hadn't shed a tear a second ago. This happened frequently, the melancholic smiles and dolorous eyes, a tear or two falling here and there when my close ones thought that I wasn't looking. It was okay for them to cry, for them to soak my sweater wet with their tears. It was okay for them to hold me tightly like they never wanted to let go of me. I wished that I could do the same, but I didn't have the strength anymore.

There was a knock on the door and in came grandpa with a bouquet of fresh dahlias. He emptied the vase from yesterday's dried flowers and replaced it with the bouquet without uttering a single word. Then he stood by the door, his eyes averted to the floor. I noticed these past few days that he couldn't bring himself to look me in the eye. Perhaps that would only cause him pain, so I let him be the way he was.

"How are you feeling today?" he asked, his voice gruff and low.

"All cool, thanks for the flowers," I said lamely and he was rooted at that spot for few more minutes, his eyes still cast down as if he was contemplating whether to stay or leave.

He left.

Dad didn't say anything, maybe he was pretending to ignore the presence of my grandpa. I was sure my parents were mad at him for behaving in this way- cold and aloof to his dear, dying granddaughter. However, I didn't expect him to be easy around me since I had fooled him into thinking that I would be healthy again. He was deceived for the second time- first by my grandma and now me.

I sighed audibly and dad gave me a pitiful glance. His phone buzzed suddenly and he hastily retrieved it from his pocket. I tried to concentrate on the puzzle, but my mind drifted to Logan. What was he doing now? Was he thinking about me like I was? He said that he would come here this evening and I was looking forward to hear about his project. Yesterday he hadn't come because he was working on it.