The Life as a Idol •K-Pop FANFIC• ✔

¤U N P U B L I S H I N G¤ ¡¿¿¡

Play the song while reading...

Hey guys... I had been studying a bit and thought about this book...

I am really comfused to whether delete this or just unpublish it...

I've been going through a LOT lately.... And here... In my house... I'm feeling depressed... I know I'm an author and all that writes books but please... Go easy on me! I'm still an eleven year old!

I may write this book and many people comment and all and many people reads this book but please!! I'M NOT A FUCKING PERFECT WRITER!!! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING MUCH ABOUT KPOP AUDITIONING AND ALL SO PLEASE!!!! DON'T JUDGE ME!! I'M A SENSITIVE PERSON WHO IS A VULNERABLE BEING!! I MAY BE EXTROVERTED AND HAPPY-GO-LUCKY AROUND PEOPLE I KNOW AND COMFORTABKE WITH BUT GUYS!!! I'M SCARED TO BE JUDGED... I'M SCARED THAT PEOPLE WILL MOCK ME FOR THE THINGS I'M DOING, I HAVE DONE, AND ABOUT TO DO...😔😔😣😟😢😢😢

My bio is fake (the birthday is the only thing that is fake).

I'm Park Yoon Dae but everybody in my school calls me Xien Xi Jiang. I am half filipino, half japanese, half korean and half chinese.... So many nationalities right? Yeah... I get mocked a lot because my classmates saw my book and of course they also mock me for my nationalities. I get to have admirers but i am also mocked for my flaws and my brains. I'm top 3 and all but they mock be because in the past since kindergarted and up to grade 3 i'm first place but it changed when i met a boy. His name was starting with R and he told me about things i never thought i would love so much because of him. He helped me when we have quizzes, we became best of friends. He then became my first crush and first love, to be exact. But in our Recognition he was second and i was... third. It changed me when he left to study in another place very much far away from our public school. I missed him so much that I cried a lot at night. Wattpad and BTS made me move on bit by bit, but i always sing a song which i dedicate to him...

I started writing a book thinking i could try... And it turned out to be successful. But i am receiving more hate from the people who can't even understand and try to understand me.

I also tried to kill my self... I tried to choke my self under water, leave myself under very cold water for a long time but i was thinking of my younger sister, mother and father so i can't do it....

I know I'm being too emotional and self-centered here but please hear me out just this time... I just wanted to receive love and take out the negativity out from my mind and soul but i became more anxious and all because of the mocking i receive from several people:

"You're still writing and updating on your trashy book?" "What the heck are you even writing!? That trashy book! Go die!" Those things always came to me and it hurts me.

I hope you understand.

Comment if you want this book to fade away and be deleted forever.... And that can break my heart but it's okay... You can hurt me with words or even violent things but please don't mock my family or nationality and book that i work hard all night for. You can go a criticize me all you want. It's okay... I'll accept it whole-heartedly.

Love,
Yoonie. Or also known as Red.

"Hope you love me for who i am. And live your life! Don't worry about me... I'll be fine while you stab me in my heart repeatedly with the words you say to me. I'll accept everything for the sins i have done all my life..."