Diari depresi

My dream

I realised that there's people out there who dreaming the life I've been living.
Thank god I've my own career. I could afford to be my family windbreaker. Not with luxury but provide basic needs.
Having my car, paying for my parents house and my rented house.
Could go for short escape, having nice meal once or twice a month.
I'm not living in my dream but I live in others.
How could I take this for granted and not being thankfull. There's people who couldn't get the privillage.
In life sometimes we losing something so we could gained another.
Maybe in my life I need to lose the dream and all the 'want-thingy' so I could embrace the need.
Once in a while when reality turns so harsh I'll be running to my imaginary world.
I closed my eyes and imagined things which pleased me.
.....A small apartment on level 38. One small room where I put my closet. Kitchen and living room divided by wood panel. No tv just my projector and white wall. Kitchen with island where I can cook and watching movies. Ten step on the left my work station combine with my bed upstairs. The veranda with reclining chair and side table where I sit every evening to read. Living alone is a pleasure. Went to work after 9.00 as event planner and manager. I realised that i love to sort things. And i couldnt handle repetitive routine. Despite my social awkwardness I enjoy doing new things. I hate longing feelings and I want everything to have the due so I know when I could end things and be prepared as I hate surprise...

Then,
Alarm knocking me down force to wake, leaving the dream.