The Mistake That Broke Me

Chapter Twelve: The Asylum

Song: Tourniquet by Evanescence

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I awoke to the sound of nothing.

Everything was deathly still as I took in my surroundings. I was in a padded cell, the pads were pale colored and soft beneath me. The dimensions of the cell was about seven by eight feet and I was curled into the corner with a scratchy white blanket draped over my shoulders.

I'm wearing a light grey hospital gown and I would be feeling self conscious that the back of the gown was open and I was bare for all to see. But I feel too heavy, sore, and drowsy to care much as of this moment.

I knew the sedative they administered to me was still wearing off and I knew that I was also doped up on drugs for pain. I tried to sit up but my head felt so dizzy that I just collapsed back down again.

Both of my arms were wrapped snugly in tight gauze. I remember what I did and I don't regret it.

I would do it again and again until I achieved what I wanted.

And now I'm disappointed to be alive because now, I'm locked in a padded cell of a mental institution. The worst part is, that the little boy still hasn't left me.

He sits in the far right corner of my cell. His knees are against his chest and his arms are wrapped tightly around his legs. He stares at me with a blank look.

We can't he just leave me alone?

My bottom lip wobbles and I cry in frustration. I get it. I understand what I did was wrong. I understand I'm a murderer. I understand that I deserve this. I understand. I understand. I understand! So why then, can't I just find some peace? Why can't this boy leave me? Why can't I just be normal?

I find the strength to sit up. I lean into the corner, hugging my knees to my chest and setting my chin on top of them. My arms produce a dull throb and I shut my eyes in hopes to sleep off the drowsiness that haunts me.

But I have no such luck.

Because moments later, two people, one younger man and one younger woman, dressed in long white lab coats enters the room. They approach me like I'm sort of abused animal as their steps are slow and cautious.

"Addison," The woman calls, "How are you feeling, Addison?"

I look up at her crystal blue eyes full of genuine kindness. I blink once. Then twice. I couldn't believe that I was seeing the first real kindness in a human in three years.

The man has dark brown hair that is neatly slicked back. His eyes are just as dark as his hair and his gaze is calculating. I don't like it. I feel like I'm being analyzed like an experiment or like some type of animal in a zoo.

And he has a clipboard in his hand as well as a pen. He's taking notes. He's taking notes and analyzing me to see just how crazy I am.

My eyes go back to the woman who offers me a small, nice smile as she walks closer to me. I let my guard down. They're here to help. They're here to help. They're here to help. I chant in my mind.

I find my voice. "I-I don't know." It's barely above a whisper. I watch as the man nods and scribbles something down on his clipboard.

She squats down in front of me, looking at me in the eyes as she gently turns me right arm over so that it's palm up.

"W-what are you d-doing?" I ask warily. 

She smiles sweetly at me. "Just checking. I would like to evaluate you, is that okay?" She asks.